Don’t be a Dick!.. It’s Christmas…

Dick walks into the Piggly Wiggly to buy some milk. As Dick is reaching in to get a gallon of milk he notices a big sign that says butter is on a super sale for the Holidays! He walks over to the butter container and reads the big sign. 
 
 
Get your butter today!! Nobody likes a DRY TURKEY for the Holidays!! Happy Holidays from us to you!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
Dick was so upset over the Happy Holidays display, that he decided he needed to calm down. He can not understand why so many people in this world keep saying Happy Holidays! Say Merry Christmas, goddammit. It upsets him very much!! So he heads over to his favorite coffee shop to get a skinny mocha latte half whip with a dash… just a dash of pumpkin spice flavor in hopes to calm down from that horrible Happy Holidays display. He orders his coffee, and as they hand it to him… he realizes that they have replaced his usual festive cup with an offensive red color!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
He was so upset that he actually threw the coffee away. How can he drink coffee out of a red cup with no Santa or snowflakes? It’s barbaric!! 
So far this day has been really rough on Dick. Every where he goes, he has to see things that offend him. This world is falling apart right in front of Dick’s eyes… and he just cant take it anymore. 
 
 
But even though the world is falling apart… Dick needs to eat because he skipped breakfast and now he is starving. He heads to his favorite restaurant for his usual meal of two eggs over easy with a side of CRISPY hash browns and three strips of bacon. The hash browns better be crispy though. The last time Dick went to his favorite restaurant for his usual meal of two eggs over easy, crispy hash browns and three strips of bacon… they had gotten a new cook in the back and when they brought his order out to him, the hash browns were not at all crispy. They were only kind of crispy. It really upset Dick. His entire day was ruined over that! Dick really hopes they get it right this time. 
 
 
As Dick gets seated in his usual spot at the restaurant, the hostess tells him that his waitress will be right with him. She tells him it has been a very busy day so please be patient and they will get to him as soon as possible. Dick DOES NOT like the sound of that. He is starving and has already had to deal with so much today… he is not sure he can handle a waitress that is not attentive and ON TIME! As Dick waits for his server to show up, he notices a table next to him has a baby and toddler. This makes Dick a little nervous. He has never been a fan of babies… or toddlers. Or kids at all really. Dick does not want to have to deal with kids while he is enjoying his meal!! 
 
 
Finally the server shows up and as Dick looks up at her, he realizes that he can not tell if the server is actually a “her.” He can not tell if the server is a man or a woman. The server has on pants and a very short haircut which Dick believes would make this person a man, but the server also has on eyeliner… which would make this person a woman! Dick becomes frustrated at not being able to tell what the gender of his server is!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
He is extremely offended at not being able to identify the gender of his server. He is not even sure he can eat his eggs anymore. Dick needs to know if his server has a Penis or a Vagina. It is HIS RIGHT to know!! He is very upset… but decides to order his meal anyway because he doesn’t think he can handle another upsetting thing happening today. He orders his meal and waits patiently for it to arrive. As he is waiting, he starts to hear the table with the baby and toddler getting louder. THIS is exactly why Dick does not like having kids in restaurants where he eats. It is UNFAIR for him to have to listen to the sounds of children while he is trying to eat. The children become louder and louder and the toddler breaks out in a full tantrum. THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
How dare these people take their kids out to a public restaurant! It is RUDE! He is trying to eat! Dick decides he has had enough and he is LEAVING!!! AND he is not going to give that server a tip. It is his right to know if that server has a Penis or Vagina, and since he can’t tell… then he is not leaving a tip! That will teach that server to walk around looking like that!
 
 
 
As Dick is leaving the restaurant, he looks at the table with the kids and gives them a really dirty look. He can not believe these awful people. There is also a very big group of about 10 people seated in the middle of the restaurant and they are making a lot of noise… but at least they don’t have kids at the table!
 
 
 
Dick has had a very bad day. Many things have offended Dick. He is not even sure he will ever have a good day again because the world is changing and Dick does not like it. He wants things to be exactly the same way they were when he was five yrs. old. 
 
 
 
When Dick was five yrs. old, all he did was play in his front yard with his neighbor friends and go to church on Sunday. His life was very simple. And he wants it that way NOW!!! Dick doesn’t understand why all the other people that are also on this Earth DO NOT do things the way he wants them to be.
 
 
 
Dick is so upset that he decides to go visit his very best friend Jane. Dick and Jane have been best friends since they were children. He loves Jane. She always seems to understand him.
 
 
 
Jane invites Dick in, and Dick begins to tell her all about his troubles. All of the offensive things that the world keeps doing to him!
 
 
 
Jane sits Dick down and explains to him how he is not the only person on this rotating planet. She explains to him that even though the world may have seemed different when he was five yrs. old… it really wasn’t. He was only five so his experiences were very limited. The world has always been this way.  And ALL people are having a different experience. She also explained to Dick that getting offended by such silly things is really only hurting himself. Because people will always do what they want to do regardless of what anyone else thinks. Jane continues on by telling Dick that he is really just being a Dick… and needs to chill out… and that if he stopped noticing so much what other people were doing and instead focused on what he was doing… his day would probably go much better. And he wouldn’t be so concerned about what anyone else chooses to do with their life.
 
 
 
Dick thinks about all that Jane has said. Maybe Jane is right!! Maybe Dick and Jane should just chill!!! Order some pizza, turn on Netflix… and CHILL!!!
 
 
 
Dick thinks that’s a good idea! And now Dick is no longer such a dick…
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I Love him, I Love him not!.. How to find your person…

It’s not always easy finding that one person that you want to spend all your time with. That one person that just gets you! Understands all of your quirky ways, and loves you anyway. We all want to be loved and accepted exactly as we are right?! And when you find that person… the one that accepts you with all your crazy, and still wants to hang out with you anyway… You keep that person, and don’t let them go!!
 
 
For instance… 
 
 
 Let’s say that you got really sick and had to be put on a very high dosage of antibiotics. And because you were on those antibiotics for a while, you ended up getting a very bad Vagina infection caused by the antibiotics. (it happens)
Now your Vagina area is basically a fiery pit of fiery hell that is ON FIRE!!!… Did I mention the fire?
You call your Doctor, and they tell you to go get some over the counter Vagina medicine and use it. But you are at home and wrapped up in your heated blanket and don’t want to leave.
So you call your guy and tell him the situation. He goes to the store for you, and even asks the store clerk which medicine is the very best for Vagina burn… and he not only buys the Vagina medicine but also brings you a pack of Reese’s pumpkins!
YOU MARRY THAT GUY!!!! You marry him and stay with him FOREVER!!!!
 
If your guy is not afraid to buy Vagina medicine for you and even asks the store clerk what is the very best kind, he is a keeper for LIFE!!
***You should marry him… or at least give him a blow job… (guys love blow jobs).. I totally went there.. 😉 
 
 
 Or if it happens to be that time of the month, and you are crabby AND crampy and not at all feeling good. Plus you have run out of tampons and need some stat!! If your guy stops at the store and gets you tampons, a heating pad, a DVD of the Notebook, AND a container of  Ben and Jerry’s with a side of potato chips… MARRY HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!… or at least you could play a game of “sink the sausage” with him!… I would wait until Aunt Flow decides to leave… unless you are one of those “I earned my red wings” type of folks…. Too Far??..
 
 
 If your significant partner always makes sure that YOU “get there first!” Meaning, they make sure that you have reached the top of the mountain before they finish!… Basically they do not stop until you have an orgasm… then trust me, DO NOT let them go!! EVER!!! Especially if they are willing to take however long it needs to take, AND they are willing to do whatever needs to be done to get you there… IE – dressing up like a pirate,  or saying things like “have you been naughty today”… or rubbing whatever needs to be rubbed even if it’s located in a hard to reach spot! I’m saying if a person is willing to do what it takes to get you where you need to go…. KEEP THEM FOREVER!!!
 
 
 If you are sick with the flu, and your partner says “Don’t worry, I’ll cook dinner for the kids.” And even though they can not cook at all so they order a pizza for the kids, but still try to heat you up a can of soup… this is a person you want to keep around!! Don’t let them go… Or least don’t let them go until they pay the pizza guy.. 
 
 
 If your person HATES chocolate cake, but always orders chocolate cake for dessert when you go out to eat together because they know you love it….. Marry that person!!! 
 
 
 We live in a time of equality for all people. It is a great time, and I am a strong believer in equality for all people. But I also am a strong believer in manners. And if you happen to be out with a person (guy or girl)  that holds open the car door for you, or offers you a hand to get in and out of a vehicle that you are having trouble getting in and out of then that is a person with genuine manners for another person. If they hold open a door for you so that you can walk through first, they are someone you want to keep around. 
 
 
 If you just had a baby, and you are feeling not yourself at all. You are feeling fat, and ugly, and you can not seem to find yourself. And your guy looks at you and says to you that “You are more beautiful than you have ever been”… stay with him forever! Because he sees you!!!
 
 
 If you happen to be a person that has tremendous anxiety attacks or a panicky type of nature for the most part. You never know when something could set it off and send you into a tailspin of anxiety. And you happen to be with a partner who is the complete opposite of that, and they tend to have a much calmer nature about themselves. They have never really been able to understand your anxiety at all but when something occurs, they still look at you directly in your face and tell you “Everything will be okay, Everything is alright” over and over and over until you actually calm down enough to believe it… that is a wonderful person and you should not let them go! Actually you should marry them… or at least cuddle with them!!
 
 
 Let’s just say hypothetically that you “accidentally” ran over the jack hole douche nozzle that kept cutting you off, and passing you on the road almost causing a massive car accident that would have hurt a lot of people. You are not sure what to do, and so you call your person and tell them what happened. And instead of lecturing you about how you really need to work on your road rage, they instead help you dig a hole in the backyard. That is the person that you not only want to marry, but you might want to make sure you keep them happy!! They know stuff about you now… 
 
 
 If you are with someone who makes you laugh, and says nice things to you, then you should hang out with them. If you have fun together, and you really like them a lot, stay with them. If your person is the type of person that walks through a store and sees something that reminds them of you, so they buy it for you because they know how much you will love it. Or you are hanging out with a person that smiles and lights up every time your eyes connect. If you catch your person looking at you, and they immediately wink and smile, this is the person that you don’t want to let slip away… Hold on to them as tight as you can! I mean… don’t lock them up in a basement or anything… unless they ask you to of course… 
 
 
 
 
I have been hanging out with my guy for 28 years now! I like him. We like hanging out together, so we do! It’s not always easy, and it’s not always fun… because life can be like that sometimes. But when you find your tribe… your people,… the ones that see you.. I mean really see YOU… those tough times of life become not so tough to face. Finding your people.. the ones that really see you, can truly change your life.
If you have someone in your life that you like hanging out with.. then do it!! It doesn’t need to be anymore complicated than that!!
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The thing about Facebook…

It’s true that Facebook can be super annoying. What with all the irritating posts and what not. Kind of like this one!! 😉  The reality is that Facebook has made the way we interact with other people very different from when I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s. When I was a teenager if you got upset at someone,  you would call their house 500 times and when they pick up you would make heavy breathing sounds or a deep scary voice until they ended up taking the phone off the hook. And we did that even before redial was an actual thing. On rotary phones!! That took some concentration and commitment.  But now a days…it’s called trolling the Internet. Trolls go around leaving asshole comments on folks posts, and I think that is the equivalent to the prank calls we did in the 80’s. I would bet 90% of trolls are 12 year olds.
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It’s no secret to anyone that Facebook can cause a lot of stress and strain on friendships and relationships. We mostly post what is important to us, and what we are into, and what we think is cool. I have always thought of Facebook as the narcissists playground. All of us can post pic after pic of ourselves and the people we like…and we can post all about who we are and what we do. We all have a bit of narcissism in us. I think it’s human nature. I mean, we are stuck with ourselves 24/7 in our own heads. Now Facebook has created a place where we can share all the stuff in our heads and the stuff we like and are into. The thing is, not everybody agree or sees everything the same, so this can cause a lot of turmoil among friendships. Our children have grown up in the Facebook era so I do believe that my kids handle this online life so much better than I do. They have always known how to manage these relationships online, because that is how it has always been for them. I still struggle sometimes though. I think we are all struggling to figure how to manage these friendships online.
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There seems to be two types of people on Facebook. The kind that feel their Facebook is their own and they can post whatever they want, whenever they want and however they want! And they don’t care at all what you think about that!! Then you have the kind that feel you should keep it reined in. Only post certain things, and don’t overdo this or that. These people are not into the TMI posts or fighting posts. They also don’t want to hear about your relationships or see five million pictures of your kid or dinner!
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I have decided that I fall somewhere in the middle between those two things. I do believe that anybody can post whatever they want, but at the same time, because we are openly posting on a public forum, you need to be aware that posting on a public platform means you should expect for opinions to come on what you are posting about. That’s really the whole reason for a public platform. Facebook is NOT a private diary! People will see what you post.  I blog about shit all the time. It would be pretty stupid of me not to expect other folks to disagree with what I am posting about. The thing is….I don’t actually care that much which is why I go ahead and post it. At first I cared a lot. I hated when I would get trolls and assholes saying shit to me, but I realized that it means NOTHING! And it doesn’t change who I am and what I stand for. And there are people who connect with my posts and words and those are the ones I am posting for.  But if there is something I do not want feedback on, I will not post it publicly! 
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There are so many positives to Facebook as well. For instance the birthday thing. I woke up on my birthday and got on Facebook, and I had over 200 people say Happy Birthday to me. It made me so happy. It made my day. In real life….I would never have had 200 people say happy birthday to me. It did make me smile. It did make me happy. And I realized that because of Facebook, I was able to make someone feel just as happy and loved as I did that day. If anyone even tries to say that all those Happy Birthdays on your day doesn’t make you happy…then they are lying!!
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Facebook is a new era that is not going away anytime soon. I love many things about being on Facebook, and I yet there are still things that I have not figured out yet.
 
 
 
Like being unfriended still stings. I don’t know why. I guess because it’s so much in your face that this person no longer wants a connection with you. In real life when you are “unfriended”, it just happens naturally. You and a friend may no longer be connecting and naturally the relationship just falls away. You stop talking and usually just grow apart. But online….It’s a finality. 
 
 
I’ve decided there are different stages of this online process as well. I mean, if someone just unfollows you, that is something that you don’t even know has happened. Most likely you will never know. The person that unfollowed you wants to stay friends but doesn’t agree with or like the thing you talk about. So it’s a very passive aggressive way of detaching themselves from you. 
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Then  you have the unfriending. This is more in your face because you know it happened. You go to this persons page and you see the ADD FRIEND button and you know! You know they unfriended you.  They no longer want to be attached to you on Facebook at all and they want you to know it!
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The next step is much more sever. It’s the unfriending and blocking! Now you not only aren’t friends anymore, but you are no longer even alive to them. You have been erased from their online life all together. It’s not just a break up….but a death!! And you always know when you have been blocked because you will be commenting on a mutual friends post and see them outright talking to that person, but on your end it looks as if they are having a conversation with them self. So you think…hm that’s weird….why are they talking to themselves. And then they may use that person’s name in the comment and you realize…OH….okay…I guess I was BLOCKED! Erased from that person’s life. Which actually makes things uncomfortable if you run into them at Wal-Mart because now you can’t just fake the smile and act like you like them. You both know they have erased you, ..and the best thing to do is just duck behind the massive display of cheese balls and hope they don’t see you!! Because that interaction would be completely awkward now.
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In my own personal online life, I rarely unfriend people. I have officially blocked only 2 people. I am sure I have been blocked by more than that, but I don’t actually give a shit! I am not one of these folks that posts the ” I’m cleaning out my friends list, so tell me how much you love me so I don’t delete you” type of person.  I find that to be a tad bit attention seeking. I’m not judging… but if you want some online love, just straight out ask for it!! No need to do that fishing for compliments thing. I bet if you straight out said, “I’m sad and lonely, could someone send me a happy face so I don’t jump off a bridge” You would be surprised at how many people would send you love. 
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This online world is definitely changed the way we interact with each other. But I believe it has done wonderful things as well. Sometimes I have walked away from Facebook feeling awful! Feeling like I can’t measure up for some reason. And other times I have felt loved and appreciated by folks I rarely talk to. It’s a strange phenomenon. 
 
I love Facebook!! I am most definitely addicted to it. I love commenting on posts and giving my two cents even though nobody cares. This is the way we communicate now. The Facebook era is here, and this is a sign of our times, and a sign of the future and how we will progress in communicating with each other. I’m totally on board!! Now Twitter….that’s another story all together!! No matter how many times my kids try to show me how to use Twitter, I just can’t figure it out. And who in their right mind can tell a story in 10 words or less anyway?!
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Who are YOU?? And what do YOU stand for??

You know what, ..unless you have personally experienced racism, .you do not get to say it doesn’t exist! Unless you have personally experienced sexism, you do not get to say it doesn’t exist! Unless you have personally experienced being raped and bullied you do not get to say it didn’t happen!
 
 
 
 
It’s the same thing as if you tell someone that they are being an asshole and they say “No I’m not!” well it’s really not up to them is it?!
 
 
 
 
America was built on the backs of slaves! THEY built this country. This is a factual part of American history! We all learn about this in school. It happened!! These people fought for the right just to be seen as human. And now all these years later the residual effect of what this country practiced early on is still a very real part of our country today. So many voices are screaming and yelling to be heard! If an entire culture of people say that racism exists…than it does!! That’s it!!
 
 
 
 
You are not allowed to take anyone’s own personal experience away from them by spewing your uneducated opinion. And it is an uneducated opinion if you personally have not walked that road or experienced that experience for yourself. If someone tells you that they were bullied, who are you to say it didn’t happen or it wasn’t real?? 
 
 
 
 
Every single one of us are experiencing this life in a different way. The thing is, people get so wrapped up in their own heads and their own experiences that they forget everyone else is having their very own experience as well, which has NOTHING to do with you. 
 
 
 
It’s like everyone holds on to their beliefs with all their might! I like to call them “Believies!” We all have our believies and we go around telling everyone all about our believies and what we think and what is “real” to us. The thing is, none of your believies are real to anyone else but YOU!!! 
 
 
 
 
All of the believies that each of us have are no more than the sum of our experiences. That is the reason we all have such very different ideas about the way things are or should be. It’s all just a huge collection of thoughts that are directly stemmed from your experience on this planet.
 
 
 
 
The problem is when a person gets so wrapped up and stuck in their own head, they do not realize that outside of themselves are people with a different set of eyes and a different set of thoughts. 
 
 
 
 
Even folks that grow up in the very same house with the very same parents will have completely  different ideas about how things were. 
 
 
 
 
Right now is a hard time in our country. There is rioting and people screaming to be heard! They want to be heard! WE ALL Want to be heard. 
 
 
 
 
When people are screaming that injustice has occurred, who has the right to deny it?? 
 
 
 
 
If your child came to you and told you that someone made them feel uncomfortable and said really bad things to them, would you tell them they were wrong, or that it wasn’t true? Would you tell them it didn’t happen?
 
 
 
 
When do we stop denying and start listening to the voices that are screaming??  The voices that are hurting and crying for someone to hear them. If it was someone you love screaming and begging to be heard…would YOU listen??
 
 
 
 
My true believie above all else is that the only way TO PEACE is THROUGH PEACE!! …for all of us…
 
 
THIS HERE was written by one of my favorite people ever. She always seems to put into words exactly what is in my heart! 
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Why are You so Fat??!!~

 

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What a messed up world we live in. We all know it, deep down. Some may try to ignore it, others are out there changing it, but most of us, let’s be honest, rant about it. A good rant now and again can be helpful, to those hearing it and those saying it. My rant of choice? Obesity.

I was watching an episode of the wonderful television series House, one of my family’s favorite shows. The victim, always presented within the first five minutes of the show, was a ten-year-old little girl, an overweight outcast among her fellow gym students. She had no friends, was teased a lot, and suffered from serious self loathing regardless of her mother’s love and acceptance of her. It was the set up for a serious sob story.

As the doctor’s scrambled to figure out what was wrong with her, their opinions of the girl’s weight became clear. One doctor thought the girl needed understanding and compassion, while the other thought fat-shaming would do more good. This isn’t even what bugged me. All the doctor’s in the show say their opinions, argue about them, and sometimes their opinions are harsh. What bugged me was the ending. The little ten-year-old girl ended up having a medical issue that resulted in her weight gain. With one risky surgery, she would be back to normal, and even better, she would lose weight. What a happy ending, right? The little girl got to be thin after all. The fat-shaming doctor even complimented her.

As I said earlier, I love House, it is a great show, but is this really a good ending? It means that the writer or writers of the show sat down and thought, “What would be the happiest ending for this episode?” And the answer was that the girl became thin, just like everybody else. Wait a second, how is that the happy ending? Did she learn that she was fine the way she was? No. Did she learn that outward appearance is worth nothing if you aren’t a good person? No. Did the fat-shaming doctor learn to be more understanding? Nope. At least the mother in the show said that she was always fantastic, which was nice, but lost amongst the crap.

Now that you readers have an understanding of the episode, let me dig deeper. Those that think the chubby, the overweight, and the full-on fat people are gross or messed up, or think that fat-shaming is a solution to it all, I want to present you with some history. In early America, this country enslaved African Americans, and treated them horribly. Why? Because their skin was different. Within the same country, the supposed “land of the free”, women weren’t allowed to be educated, or allowed to vote. Why? Because they didn’t have penises. Better yet, let me bring up a really tough topic: Hitler. Oh yes, I am going there. Hitler and his brainless followers dubbed the Jewish people to be ugly. Dark hair or a slightly protruding nose were seen as wrong.

I love that we all look back at those times and think, “Ha! How stupid people were! We are soooo much more sophisticated now!” But, are we? Has anything changed? Those were cases of discrimination, and for the most stupid of reasons. Discrimination is still here, still present in so many ways. We haven’t evolved, not in the least. The only thing that’s different about us is that we have a long, long list of history to look to for advice, and we are ignoring it. Now how smart do you feel?

We shouldn’t be paying so much attention on how others look, it’s just ridiculous. When I was a kid, I was very, very shy. And, when I picked a friend, it wasn’t based on size, shape, color or whatever. I chose a friend if the person was nice to me. That’s it. It shouldn’t be any different when you grow up.

Oh, and though there are fat-shamers, there is another group that needs mentioning. The Falsely Concerned. These are the people that claim they say such rude things out of concern for the person’s health or well-being. Mm, yeah, no, I call bullshit. You are not concerned about the Hollywood celebrity that gained weight after her baby. You are not concerned for the plus size model in the photo shoot. And you certainly aren’t concerned for a stranger that you meet on the street. What you are doing is trying to make yourself feel better and more important by forcing your unwanted words into our ear canals or into our retinas. By sitting on your high horse of healthy foods, you’re acting like you’ve never tried a twinkie. Be serious, you were a kid once, you have had a fudging twinkie. Your bowels and lower intestines still stink, and what you put in the toilet is still shit, though it’s hard to tell the difference between that and what’s coming out of your mouth.

I think my rant just got weird… Anyway, the main thing I am trying to convey is that fat-shaming is wrong. Shaming of any sort is wrong. Our children should want to become scientists, or veterinarians, or chefs. Our children should want a better happily ever after than being thin.

 

 

This Guest Blogger sure does know how to rant! Well,…she learned from the best!  She got it from her Momma!! 🙂 This is the daughter of Vagina….literally if you think about it….

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My Guest is super Bitchy!~ GUEST BLOGGER

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Who’s ready for a rant?… I thought so. Though, I don’t want to disappoint all you loyal Vagina readers out there, but this is not she. The voice you are hearing (words you are reading?) is that of Vagina’s sister. I am not going to try to come up with a clever nick name involving a body part. That conversation could get awkward… though I am fairly sure that my lovely sister would not shy away from the challenge. But if you guys are watchers of her videos (which, if you’re not, you totally should be!!! Do it now!) I am the “Creeper” found in the Shopping with Vagina’s Mom video that took place at Goodwill. Some background detail…. The Goodwill associates kept asking me if I was going to buy what I was wearing, except all of that: the sunglasses, the poncho, the hat are all mine and are currently sitting in my closet. So, go watch the video and come back and know how cool the person is you are listening (reading?) to is.

 

So, I told my sister quite sometime ago I would do a guest blog for her. She and I both share the same annoyances with social media. Much of what you have read or watched of her talking about Facebook spawns from conversations we seem to have on a regular basis. The rants got more frequent when she started this blog and I became a Communication major. (So, side note: The only reason the rants got more frequent for her is because she now spends much more time on social media hobnobbing with other bloggers, whom she loves. And she LOVES all her readers. But you must relate in that after so many hours on Face Book you start to get a little twitchy.) I am little more hardcore in that I REALLY hate all forms of social media yet am still an active user of it…and I hate myself. I have the FB app on my phone and I use it during times of boredom (generally during class, it’s a problem). But there is never anything interesting on there. I try to delete it, once went 6 months without it, but something always brings me back. But now to connect all this to why being a Communication Major has made my hate stronger.

 

The study of Communication (not CommunicationS) is the study of how people relate to other people. So, romantic relationships, work place interactions etc… One of my favorite subjects I have come across is that of friendships. I think it is because I finally knew that what I was feeling when it came to my friendships was completely normal. I am one of these people that has had a lot of other people come in and out of her life but only considers very FEW of them friends, the rest are close acquaintances. That sorta means that my friendships are some of the closest relationships I have to my heart and when they end I find my heart breaks much like someone else’s might when a romantic relationship ends. Social media has made more people experience this type of “friendship breakup”. Hold on now before you go disagreeing… let me make my case.

 

Years and years of studies have shown that the ending of romantic relationships is suppose to naturally end with a final cut off point. A time when both partners can look at a moment and say “yeah, that’s when we broke up.” Friendships naturally act differently. They slowly disintegrate without much notice. You may note not calling or texting them as much but if it doesn’t end in a huge fight, they usually just float away. But when you look back at the friendship, though it has ended, you usually don’t look back with bad memories. Think of your best friends during High School. Now take the fact that they are your Facebook friend out of the picture. Are they active in your life? Do you make phone calls checking up on their lives? Do your kids know them and associate them with you? When something big happens, are they on the top of your list of people to distinctly tell? (And not just the recipients of a FB status?)… If not, then they aren’t actively your friend. They are a past friend. Now don’t feel bad, it’s totally ok and NATURAL. This is how they are suppose to work. But with the introduction of social media and new technologies into our lives these relationship (or more accurately the ending of them) has changed. And I think for the worst.

 

I started my Facebook when was in high school. The group of people I had on there are a completely different group than I have now, with very few exceptions. But most people collect friends on FB as they go. In real life you may have stopped seeing this person but you still get their status updates and pictures of their lives on your newsfeed. This constant connection to a person that you were once close with but have naturally grown apart from can be hurtful to yourself. The friendship has not been allowed to disappear and take its proper place in your life as a lovely memory. It is instead thrown in your face day after day, however long you let that relationship go… even if you didn’t mean to or even if you did. Because now you have to officially end the relationship and create a cutting off point. You must DELETE them from your online life… and many of us don’t have the balls (Vagina? Yeah, I think my sister would prefer to use the term vagina for the strongest part of any human body) We don’t have the Vaginas do it. But, I finally did mine justice and started deleting people. However, its amazing how many people must check their friend lists on an hourly basis and I started getting friend requests back immediately. It’s the real world equivalent of finally closing your door on a person who barely knew it was open and then having them run up and start knocking and ringing your doorbell to let them in again. For a person like me (and I think most people who’ve actually done this) that is heart breaking.

 

This can be translated to Twitter and Instagram… you have to make the conscious choice to stop following the social media lives of this person and to cut them off from yours. Even cellphones have had their hand in this. We now have the lovely technology to transfer all the numbers and pictures and apps from our old phone to our new ones. Have you ever gone through your contact list and made a note of how many numbers you NEVER use anymore, of people you don’t talk to anymore? When I was young, I memorized the numbers of my best friends and if you weren’t my best friend anymore I didn’t call you as much and my brain would naturally forget your number. We are forced to watch the lives of people we once considered close. If your anything like me…its not always fun. Some people’s stories make me sad. I hate seeing where their lives are going. Or something about them made me want to get their negative influence out my life but there was no need to tell them directly… because they had mostly forgotten about me too but somehow they notice and force you to keep that negativity on your newsfeed. Or (most heart breaking) people I was terribly close with and am no longer in their actual lives and I see it moving and it makes me happy that they’re happy… but I MISS them. And if I didn’t have to see it every time I got on FB, I would think back and nostalgically miss them but now I actively miss them and its hard.

 

This effect of social media on our friendships has not had a lot of research done about it (In fact, I was told to go to grad school and study it… but at this point it will be a cold day in hell before I walk back into the education system again… OK, that’s a rant for a different day!!) But I can tell you it is annoying and sad and hard… but yet I still engage. I try to keep my friend list trim and only keep people in which I talk to currently or believe I will talk to again for one reason or another. But there are a couple that are there cause they just keep sending friend requests back or because I just don’t have the Vagina to do it… because I still love them and sometimes wish to see these people again even though I know I probably won’t. So, there it is. My BIGGEST complaint about social media. It’s annoying and I’ll probably delete it again… and then bring it back again. Its freaking addicting! But just so you know, if you’re feeling any of these ways, so is everybody else. But since none of us are getting rid of our profiles and twitter feeds, how about we all agree to stop posting political and religious rants, A different selfie everyday, Talking about how terrible your life is, or how absolutely amazing it is…Oh, and most importantly, no more TROLLING!… Or how about you just go and watch Vagina’s videos about people on Facebook and try not to be THOSE people. And thanks for listening to our rants! I look forward to your interesting and thought provoking comments 😉 (PS I only care about interesting and thought provoking comments.)

 

Here is the video that my super bitchy Guest Blogger is in! Check it out!~ What a creeper…;)

 

LOUISE ALLAN

writer & author

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