Christmas, Puberty, and Living the Dream!~

Twas a night before Christmas and all through the house… I kept hearing a man’s voice. And it wasn’t Santa!!!

As I stood in my room trying to wrap five trillion presents because I put it off all month-long and waited until the last second (even though I tell myself every year that the next year will be different and I am going to get everything done BEFORE Christmas eve at midnight, it never happens)…
I have done nothing to get ready for Christmas. NOTHING!! I mean except for making these cookies right here:

 

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I’m just saying…

NAILED IT!!!

Anyway…

As I’m in my room wrapping five trillion presents (calm down… that is an over reaction. I didn’t buy five trillion presents it just feels like five trillion presents)…

So there I am wrapping and wrapping and I hear a man’s voice coming from my living room. I thought to myself… “That’s weird… there isn’t a man in my living room. Why the hell am I hearing a man speaking in my house?”

I hear it again…

The only people who are home right now are ALL THE KIDS! And none of my children are men. The husband is at work and why am I hearing a man’s voice!

I sprang from my room to see what or “who” was in my living room, and what to my wondering eyes should appear…

My almost 12-year-old son playing video games!!

Me – “Hey… I just heard the weirdest thing. It sounded like a man was out here. What are you playing?”

The almost 12-year-old boy – “I’m playing minecraft!”

Me – “Wait! What?? Is something wrong with your voice? Are you sick? You sound like you might be sick? Is your throat okay?”

The almost 12-year-old boy – “Yeah. I’m fine! I feel fine. It’s probably just POOOOOOOOOOBERTY!!”

Me – Blink.. Blink.. Blink…

 

 
The 10-year-old girl who was sitting in the room with him – “Yeah well at least your pooooberty is only getting a weird voice… I have to get boooobs!!!!”

 

 

Me – blink.. blink.. blink..

 

 
***This here is a representation of living the dream you guys!!! I’m LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM!!!!

So there it is.  My Christmas gift! My almost 12-year-old boy went to bed with the voice of a cute little munchkin pie, and woke up with the voice of a 30-year-old man-child that smoked during a phase in his twenties!

**sigh…

I’m sad! Look, okay, I know the way this works. Our kids grow up and become full-grown people. I’m just not ready yet. NOT YET! And nobody told me that one day you will wake up and your son will sound like a trucker. It happened just like that! No squeaking phase or weird ups and downs in his voice. It just changed.

Well… I guess I need to start getting used to him becoming a man. I mean… he did call puberty… “POOOOOOOBERTY!!” There is still that!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, and all the celebrations that you hold near and dear to your heart! I hope 2017 is going to be the best year yet!!

**Even if it means my sweet little boy has officially crossed over into man-child status! And as we all know… they never really leave man child status!

 

 

 

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The Top 5 WORST people to run into in public places…

Have you ever needed to run into the store for something, and you really just want to get in and out as fast as possible, but as you are approaching the item you need, you hear someone yell your name from across the aisle? You quickly look around trying to see if there is anything you can duck behind… maybe the gigantic display of cheese balls, or the buy one get one free Pumpkin spice Oreo’s because they couldn’t sell during Fall and now they are trying to get rid of them with an enormous display that has a big sign that says.. PUMPKIN SPICE… YUMMY ALL YEAR LONG!!! Hoping to trick folks into buying them even though it’s July! (Everyone knows you can’t eat pumpkin in July!!!)
 
 
The display is too far away! You see nothing you can hide behind…  and taking off in a full run would be too obvious… so instead you stand there… thinking THIS:
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For some reason every time I go to Target, I feel like it turns into every reunion that I usually avoid at all costs. Family reunion, high school reunion, company reunion. And for some reason I lie to myself every single time and say… “Oh, it will be a quick trip. No need to fix my hair, or put on make-up or deodorant… or pants! ” And yet, every time, I run into someone!!
 
 
 
I came up with a list of THE WORST people ever to run into in public! Places like grocery stores, BBQ’s and birthday parties, shopping at the mall! 
 
 
The top 5 people you DO NOT want to run into in public places:
 
 
 
1 – The guy/girl you just broke up with. Especially if they are with a new date… and you happen to be in the freezer section balancing six different pints of Ben and Jerry’s in your arms, along with the gigantor jug of Carlos Rossi.  You didn’t think you were going to run into anyone, so you didn’t brush your hair… as a matter of fact, you haven’t showered since the break up! You probably smell like fried onions, farts, and wet dog because since your ex left, you spend your evenings eating Ben and Jerry’s until you fall asleep on the dog! 
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2 – The person that just unfriended you on Facebook! You show up at your neighbors BBQ, and as everyone is sitting around the picnic table, you notice the only open spot is the one directly next to the “friend” that unfriended you. Most of the time you don’t get involved in things like politics on Facebook, but this one time you happened to see a post and decided you had an opinion. So you left a comment and all of a sudden you get unfriended because you had an opinion! And now… here you are… sitting next to the person that got their super tight Fruit of the Looms in a big balled twist straight up their butt hole (probably due to puckering their butt so much.. they need to learn to relax) anyway… here they are sitting next to you. You know they unfriended you, they know they unfriended you… All that is left to say is this:
 
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3 – Your boss… at the fair… right after you just called in sick and told him/her that you are so sick you can barely move!… But then again, you think to yourself, “Why is my boss at the fair? What a lying lazy ass.” He probably thinks the same of me… Oh well.
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4 – Your mother-in-law, while you are shopping for a new vibrator. The kind that glows in the dark! You look over and notice her shopping in the XXX LARGE section of dildos! If you ever find yourself in that situation, it is perfectly acceptable to drop on the ground army crawl style and literally slither your way out of that store… ASAP!!!
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5 – Any person that has to do any kind of maintenance or up keep of your down belows! I’m talking about people like your OBGYN… or the guy who did the colonoscopy on you. This also includes the waxing technician who performed your Brazilian… and butt hole bleaching! There is just something about running into folks that have seen parts of your body that even you have never seen. How can you even have a normal conversation with a person that has seen your Vagina open up like a black hole and release a head the size of a bowling ball, while simultaneously shitting all over them! (Yes.. I shit on my OBGYN!)
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The conversation would probably go like this:
“Oh HEYYYYYYYY Doc! How’s it going? How’s the Vagina business treating you?? You know, I’ve always felt it’s not fair that you have seen my cave of wonders, and I know NOTHING about you! You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you.. my nether regions.. are they what you would consider.. “Good looking”, I mean you know… you see so many, and I figure you have seen some really gorgeous ones and some really scary ones that you probably wish you could erase from your mind forever! I’m just saying… on a scale of hideous to BREATHTAKING… what is my rate??? It’s breathtaking isn’t it??? ISN’T IT??? Doc???? Blink! Blink! Blink!!!”
 
 
 
 
 
So there you have it. The top 5 WORST people to run into in a public place!! So next time you happen to be at Wal-Mart picking up tampons, a giant hunk of chocolate, and the family size bottle of Advil… and you hear someone calling your name… just remember this:
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Just Another Article about Donald Trump…

I remember when I was a child. I went to a Catholic School, and every Sunday me and my family would be sitting in church listening to the Priest talk about things like “Loving your neighbor as yourself”… and “Treat others as you would have them treat you.” You know… the basics of being a decent human being.
 
 
This was something that was just expected of me when I was a child. My parents told me that I should be kind to others. My parents told me that I should never say mean things to another person because it could hurt their feelings. My parents told me to always be polite to elders. They did not approve of bad words, and often told me that if I can’t say something nice… don’t say anything at all. 
 
 
I remember these things as being a standard of how to go out into the world and how to socialize with other people. It was just the way we were taught to be.
 
 
I ask you reader… do you remember many of these lessons as a child? Did your parents tell you to be kind? Did you go to church on Sundays and hear the messages of loving your neighbors?? I ask you reader do you remember??
 
 
I myself am a very sensitive person. As well as being sensitive, I also have a fiery temper! It’s a strange mix… but it is who I am!! Being sensitive can be hard at times. But it’s the sensitivity that helps me to be able to empathize with another human being. It helps me to understand that other people are having experiences that are not at all things I may understand… but I can still listen, and open my heart to their experiences.
 
 
For the first time in a very long time, I have been jarred to my core! Lately I have felt like my heart is being squeezed watching all of the things taking place in my country. The place that I grew up in where I was taught about Freedom, and Hope, and acceptance above all else! I do not understand what is happening. 
 
 
All politics aside… the man that is standing up and trying to gain control of the amazing country that I grew up in… this man is cruel. He is unkind to his core! As a fellow human being… he is a bully! I am not talking about taxes, and medical plans, and what political party to stand for. I am talking about the person. His true nature! His core values as a human being residing on this planet along with 7 billion other human beings. 
 
 
I ask you reader… would you teach your children to treat others as this man has treated others? I ask you reader…  would you allow your children to speak the way this man has spoken?? I ask you reader… if YOU were the target, for instance say this man did not like the place you choose to worship, or the bible you choose to read… would you feel the same if he was saying that he wanted to ban all Christians… or all Catholics? 
 
 
My heart is broken. I truly for the first time have felt like I no longer have faith in human kind. The hate that is in our country right now is palpable. You can feel it in the air. 
 
 
Above all else… we are the human race! We are all on this planet together… no where to go! This is it! Did you ask to be here? Did you choose this? 
 
 
I have not always been kind in my life, but those times are the times that have made me want to be better. It makes me feel better to be kind. It makes me feel good to make others smile. 
 
 
You can call me a pussy, you can call me whatever you want to call me… but for me… at night when I lay my head down, I know I have tried to do my best. To be as kind as I could. 
 
 
I am not a religious person anymore. My own experiences led me in another direction… but if you are a religious person, I ask you… how will you stand before the God you believe will judge you on judgement day, and be able to say that hurting other human beings was okay? 
 
 
Yesterday, I read a blog that was written by one of the greatest writers of all time. This describes perfectly how I feel to my core! As I read this, tears streamed down my face. What has happened to my country? To my people? Where has the love and kindness gone? My heart is broken… 
Please Read This~
http://www.renegademothering.com/2016/03/02/nevertrump/
 
Always remember…
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Do you want to be PERFECT? Then do what I say!!

Do you want to fit in? Do you want to be perfect? Would you like it if no one ever judged you again?
 
 
 
Well all you have to do is listen to me. Do these things I tell you to do, and you can be perfect! You will fit in, and never be judged again!
 
 
 
1) Do not be TOO fat! This is upsetting to the other humans around you. We must ALL strive to be the exact same weight. No matter what age you are, or what gender you are… We must all weigh EXACTLY the same.
 
 
2) Also do not be TOO thin! Again you will upset other humans. This is bothersome to folks. There is a “Just right” weight! This is what you need to be. The “Just right” weight. Many people like to use “health” as a disguise to judge you if you are not the “just right” weight! So make sure you are the “just right” weight! For optimum Health and Beauty!
 
 
 
3) Do not have more than 2 children. That is utterly selfish!! What do you think this is, a living breathing thriving planet? Well, it’s NOT! So please… DO NOT have more than 2 children. You are mucking up the Earth with your offspring!(preferably one girl and one boy)
 
 
4) Do not have less than 2 children! How dare you think you can have only one child. How utterly selfish of you! What about your child needing a friend? Also, your child will become a spoiled brat.
 
 
5) And to the people who think it is okay to have NO children. How utterly selfish of you!!! And weird.
 
 
6) DO NOT discipline your child in public! You do not want to be seen as abusive do you? It is abusive to discipline in public. Don’t even say “no” to your child in a stern manner. It’s offensive to others.
 
 
7) Be sure to always discipline your children in public!!! You will be seen as a terrible parent that never disciplines your children and spoils them rotten if you do not discipline them in public. You don’t want that do you? If your child is throwing a fit, you better stop them immediately for the comfort of others.
 
 
8) If you are a girl, never wear anything that is TOO revealing. You are just “asking for it” when you wear that v-neck scoop top!!! 
 
 
9) If you are a girl, don’t wear anything too frumpy. It’s just sad and depressing to look at, and people will automatically think you have 5 or 6 cats at home.
 
 
10) To go along with #8 and #9, unless you have a perfectly sculpted body, DO NOT wear a bikini on a beach. If you wear a bikini and you are not perfectly sculpted, you will upset the eyes of fellow humans. 
 
 
11) If you do have a perfectly sculpted body, you can wear a bikini. But remember… if you get raped… YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!!
 
 
12) Always remember  Breast is BEST!! Only a good mother nourishes her baby with breast! But NEVER EVER breastfeed your hungry baby in public! Either find a bathroom stall or let it starve!!! Too many babies are SPOILED BRATS anyway so it will do them good!
 
 
13) Always remember formula is FULL of nutrients and vitamins that help your baby grow to be strong and smart. Formula is BEST! Just make sure you use silicone nipples and not latex ones! Silicone nipples make babies walk and talk faster than all other babies.
 
 
14) If you are a guy, don’t be self conscious. Wearing a T-shirt to the pool is unattractive, and men are supposed to be 100% confident all the time. Or you are not a real man.
 
 
15) Also, if you are a guy, don’t be too in tune to other people’s feelings. It is also not manly. How can you be a man if you understand feelings?
 
 
16) Again for the male gender folks, DO NOT think it is okay to stay home and take care of your children. This means you are a pansy. You do not want to be a pansy do you? If you are a stay at home dad, you DO NOT wear the pants in the family. And we all know that the person that wears the pants is the most important person. 
 
 
17) After you have a baby, make sure to stay at home with them. It doesn’t matter if you can’t afford it, DO IT!! If you go to work while you have children, that makes you completely selfish and it shows you do not care about your kids.
 
 
18) After you have a baby make sure you get a job! Stay at home parents are lazy losers. You do not want to be a lazy loser do you? You need a job! Take care of your kids. Don’t be LAZY!
 
 
19) ALWAYS watch your children every second of every day! DO NOT ever let them out of your sight! EVER!!!! If you look away, you do not love your children and are abusive. You should have them taken away from you immediately!
 
 
20) Make sure to let your children roam free. They do not need supervision. How will they ever learn to be a human being if you don’t let them roam free? You DO NOT love your children and you are abusive unless you let them roam free! You should have them taken away from you immediately!
 
 
 
So there you have it! If you follow this list, you too can be PERFECT and live without judgement. People might stare at you, but don’t be alarmed… it is only because they want to be just like you and hope they can also achieve perfection the way you have!!
 
 
 
**This post is brought to you by Satire! As a matter of fact it is dripping with sarcasm, and ridiculousness as well.
 
 
You can choose to follow this list, or you can be who you are and do what makes you happy! You are going to get judged either way… so you might as well enjoy it!
 
 
7 Billion people on this floating planet, and they all want things to be their way! What are you going to do?!
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I Believe In…

I Believe in Independence.
 
I Believe in eating vegetables.
 
I Believe in walking in the woods on a crisp fall day.
 
I Believe in coffee…with lots of sweet cream.
 
I Believe in eating chocolate (and peanut butter M & M’s.)
 
I Believe in not peddling my bike downhill after an excruciating uphill trek. 
 
I Believe in dolphins… How can you not (and puppies.)
 
I Believe in sunshine. 
 
I Believe in walking in the rain and feeling the drops from the sky. 
 
I Believe in laughing so hard I can’t catch my breath.
 
I Believe in standing at the edge of the ocean and feeling the waves crash at my feet.
 
I Believe in LOVE…so so much I believe in LOVE!
 
Loving the people in my life! My sexy, sweet man (I like my man the same way I like my coffee).. and my adorable sometimes cranky children. My sweet friends, and even acquaintances. I believe in LOVE probably more than I believe in anything. 
 
 
What I don’t Believe in is..
 
 
Telling other people how to live their life.
 
Telling another person what they should eat.
 
Telling another person what they should wear.
 
Telling another person how they should feel.
 
Telling another person how they should think.
 
Telling another person what they need to believe in.
 
Telling another person WHO TO LOVE or HOW TO LOVE!
 
 
It’s fairly simple really. More than anything I am against anyone who crosses over into another humans life and hurts them or alter’s their journey on this floating rock! Fundamentally we are all having a different experience on this Earth. Which makes all of our beliefs and thoughts different from each others.
 Your right as a fellow human being ends the moment where someone else’s rights begin.
Basically Don’t rape! Don’t murder! Don’t molest children! Keep your hands to yourself. This is the most basic law of Humanity!
 
 
 
Your beliefs are the sum of your experiences on YOUR journey. Which is why it makes it really impossible for ME to make any kind of judgement on someone else’s journey.
 
 
This is YOUR road!
 
 
This is YOUR journey!
 
 
 I prefer to keep my business where it belongs…on my own journey!
 
 
One thing…  we all know that at the end of the story, at the end of the road…LOVE will always win over hate. 
 
 
Love always Wins!  as it should be…
 
 
I Believe in Love! I Choose Love!
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The day my son broke my Heart!~

Let me start this off by stating that what I am writing about is a very unpopular opinion. The truth is, we all have an opinion. This just happens to be mine. It does not make it right or wrong, it is just the way I see it. You can take it or leave it. My opinion will change nothing. 
 
Now a days, I see so many articles and Facebook posts about how kids today are whiny little bitches! I see it being said all the time. Many folks hate the idea of everyone getting a participation trophy when they play on a team because they feel that it is raising a bunch of pussies. I can tell you that when I was a child, and I was picked as the last kid a lot, it was painful. I took that in and it added greatly to my already lack of self esteem that I carried around on a daily basis. I was a child that came from a home where my parents didn’t build us up all the time and tell us we were awesome.  So every time I was reminded of this outside of my home, it just reassured me that I was in fact NOT AWESOME!! Growing up with that in your head on the daily, takes a long time to try and reverse those thoughts. 
 
 
 
So the other day my son came up to me and told me about something that broke my heart.  At his school they have this incentive program where kids that follow the rules and do as they are suppose to, they can gain golden tickets. They turn in their golden tickets at the end of the week, and every week they have a drawing and pick a winner from the bin. The more golden tickets you have , the better chance you have of winning. I think it is a great thing that they do for the kids. My son came up to me and we had this conversation about it:
 
 
The Boy – “You know how I have been trying to win the golden ticket thing since I was in kindergarten?”
 
 
Me – “Yes.”
 
 
The Boy – “Well… it has been three years and I have tried really hard to win. I think I just have really bad luck that follows me because in three years I have never won. Sometimes I will try extra hard to get tickets and put them in, but I never win no matter what I do. But I am completely okay with it. I am just not going to do it anymore. I have bad luck so I will probably never win it anyway.”
 
 
*At this point he could see I was feeling kind of bad about what he was saying and so he said this. 
 
 
The Boy – “Don’t be upset about it. I am completely okay with it. It’s not a big deal. I just have bad luck in my life and that is how it is.”
 
 
Now listen… as a mom, I have that mama bear quality when one of my children are hurt or upset where I want to make it all better. It is instinctively inside of me to want to fix things for them. I am not going to apologize for that!! When someone hurts my child, I become a crazy lady!! And yes, I wanted to go down to the school, and make them pick his name!!! But I also know that what he is experiencing is life. Just simply life! The thing that breaks my heart is I witnessed the very moment when my son lost that magical feeling of hope, and just became okay with it.  The moment of when he lost his belief in the fact that he can actually do anything. The truth is… life is not easy. And the truth is, not all of us can accomplish everything. We DO NOT always win everything, and truthfully, we will not always be able to do everything it is that we want to do. I am 42 years old and still waiting to take that dream trip to Paris! 
 
 
 
As a mom, I have always told my kids they can be anything and do anything. The world is their playground to do as they please. And even though I have always said that to my kids, I saw my 10 year old lose that hope simply because of his own experiences.
 
 
 
I will still tell my children that they can accomplish everything. And I will still tell my children they are wonderful! So many people disagree with this. They believe that you should never make your children feel special at all because the world will not see them as special or wonderful. I agree with that… except that the world and life will show my children well enough on it’s own that they are not special or wonderful. No one in this world will treat them like they are amazing. Life will knock them around the same way it does all of us. And they will have to learn to overcome obstacles all on their own. But like hell it is going to start with me!! I want to be the ONE place that they know is not going to fail them! I want to be the ONE place they can go and always know that I will see them as wonderful no matter what.
 
 
 
When I think back to my childhood, even if I had parents that had told me I was great all the time, I know for certain that everything I experienced in my life, from heartbreak, to not getting the job, to being the last picked, are all the things that showed me exactly how life is. The hard knocks of life! 
I just want my kids to know that even when life is knocking them around all over the place… the one soft place to rest for a bit will always be with me. I am not a perfect parent. I fully admit that I am in no way perfect at this parenting gig! The way I really feel is, I love my kids and I want them to succeed in all things. The reality is, they won’t succeed in all things. They will learn that totally and completely without the help of me. So yes, I will still tell my children that they are wonderful, and I will still tell them that they can accomplish anything. What they experience in this life will add to making them exactly what they become. I want them to always think fondly of their time with me though. I want them to never question the fact that I always have believed that they can be and do anything. 
 
 
 
Don’t twist my words. I say no to my kids all the time. That is because I am not in a situation where I can give them everything they want at all times. I am not talking about buying your kids a bunch of shit they don’t need. I am talking about building up their self esteem. I am talking about building them up as Human Beings. Reality is what it is! Nothing you say to your kids will change the reality of life. You can tell them they suck or tell them they are great, it will not change what life throws at them.  But it may change how they end up handling it.
 
 
 
 
All I know is that by telling my children that I think they are awesome, it is doing nothing but letting them know that I, their mom, think that they are awesome! It is not making them pussies that can’t handle life. It is just reassuring them that even if the world is shitty and hard sometimes, and things will not always be easy… no matter what, I will always think they are awesome! 
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Doggies are better than People!~

My dog can be a jerk! He does things sometimes that drive me nuts!! I have not always been an animal person. When I was a very young child, I was bit in the face by a dog and needed to get stitches. So it put me off from the whole dog thing for many years. 
 
 
 
And NOW….. now we have a chihuahua/doxey thing with eyebrows and sometimes he drives me batshit crazy. But you know what…. I have thought about it and to be honest, I think I would rather hang out with my dog than some people. 
 
 
 
People can be assholes!! And I find that with dogs, you mostly can read them and get a pretty good idea of what they are giving off to you. With people though…. You sometimes just have NO idea what you are dealing with!!
 
 
 
So I put together some of the reasons that dogs are better than people! 
 
 
 
It’s all in fun folks!! 
 
 
 
Things I know my dog would never do:
 
 
 
1) He would never cheat on me with another owner.  He would never send secret texts to someone saying things like “Will you rub my belly? And feed me those fancy dog treats you bought at Target? And BTW… you’re my favorite owner… heart emoji.” Of course it would be the heart emoji… probably followed by the poop emoji… My dog does have a love for poop.
 
 
 
2) He would never call me fat, or suggest I lose a few pounds! On the contrary, every time I go to the fridge, my dog seems very supportive of my choice. He really encourages me. He gives me that “Yeah… get the food… eat the food…. let’s both eat the food….. together…. we love food” look!
 
 
 
3) He would never spread rumors about me behind my back! He wouldn’t start talking to the dog next door and telling it all my secrets. Like “Hey Lucky…. my owners boobs are SO not perky!! I had to watch her change yesterday and I still can’t get the image out of my head! Um… don’t tell anyone I told you that okay?”..Blink, Blink, Blink…
 
 
 
4) He would never have a second life somewhere! Like a family somewhere else that has five kids in it, and he sneaks out at night when I think he is actually in his bed, but NO… he heads over to his other family and sleeps in the kids beds over there! I never let him sleep in the beds here so this is his way of getting back at me. (A cat though….. they might possibly have a second family… and maybe even a third and fourth. Especially if they are getting premium cat treats from them!)
 
 
 
 
5) Dogs never take offense to anything you say! You can say the meanest , grossest, nastiest thing to them, and they will still look at you wagging their tail. Try it!! Call them a piece of doodie, wet flip flop breath, garbage eating, diaper face and they will still stand there, wagging! They don’t care.
 
 
 
6) He wouldn’t borrow money from me and never repay it!!
 
 
 
7) He would never borrow my clothes and then ruin them, and when I ask for my sweater back give me some lame excuse saying he can’t find it, or he left it at a friend’s house. And then two days later I see a picture posted on Facebook with him wearing it!!
 
 
 
8) He would never blame my mood on “That time of the month!.”
 
 
 
 
9) He would never wake up one day and all of a sudden decide he doesn’t want to be a dog anymore. His true self that he identifies with is a cat. He would never say to me… “Please do not refer to me as dog… I am now a cat and I would appreciate you respecting my choice on this!! Do not force me to sleep in that disgusting dog bed! Please do not force me to keep pooping out doors like some kind of barbarian! I would prefer a litter box now! This is my choice and I would appreciate for you to respect it!” 
 
 
Listen okay… There is nothing wrong with being a cat. I have always believed that cats should have the same equal rights that dogs have. I am just saying that it would change the dynamics of our relationship if he decided to one day not be a dog anymore. I mean… I wanted a dog…. so…
 
 
 
10) He would never go into the fridge and take out the Tupperware bowl that is CLEARLY marked “MY LEFTOVERS! DO NOT TOUCH” and then eat them anyway.
 
 
 
Actually… he probably would do that if he had thumbs and could open the fridge….
 
 
 
And come to think of it, he would also take it upon himself to shit right in the middle of my floor… for no reason at all! And he would pee right on my carpet and walk away like nothing.  He would also bark incessantly at the neighbors until they are giving me dirty looks and flipping me off.  Now that I think about it… he’s a real asshole!!
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AAAAAAAAA

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