For the most part it has been a very relaxing Summer! My favorite parts of Summer have been the long nights, and lazy mornings. Not having to get up from the sound of an ear bashing alarm clock. Not having to be anywhere by any certain time. Being able to just slip on flip-flops to go anywhere and not having to stand at the door for 30 minutes waiting for people to find their shoes!
There are so many great things about Summer. I happen to love the laziness of Summer. I would not be surprised to find out that my spirit animal is a sloth!!
But then we have the other parts of Summer. The part where my kids are here ALL the time! I love having my kids around, and I love hanging out with them. They make me laugh and they are fun to be with… mostly!! BUT… and yes this is a big BUT… But the CONSTANT fighting! Oh dear lord the fighting! I mean really?! Half the time I feel like I am on an episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Specifically the one where Teresa Giudice flips over the table! Yeah… remember that one?!
I love my kids…. but DAMN!! Why can’t they love each other!! We also have the boredom. And the fact that these people act as if they have never eaten food in their life. Don’t they know that there are starving people in China?! (According to My mom, who told me this 5 trillion times!)…
Do you see how easy it is to become our parents! And there is nothing we can do about it!! NOTHING!
So I came up with the Top 5 things I have said this Summer more than any other time EVER in my life!!!
1) “WHAT????” Also translates as – “Yes, what do you need now?” Basically I have heard the word MOM, MOMMY, MOMMA, MOOOOOOOM more times than a fly lands on doodie!!! Or something like that… A LOT!!!! Let’s just say I have heard it A SHIT TON!!..
2) “I only have two hands!!!”
Kid – “MOOOOM, can you help me find my purple dress, and the matching shoes, and I am hungry, and I also want you to play Battleships with me. You PROMISED!!!! I’m hungry.. Can I eat… Let’s plat Battleships!! WHERE IS MY DRESS????”
Me – “Honey… I am NOT an octopus! I am a human. with TWO HANDS!!!! Count them… only TWO! SO NO, I can not find your dress and shoes, and make food, AND play battleships!!!”
Kid – “But why NOT?!”
Me – Blink, Blink, Blink….
3) “STOP FIGHTING!!!!! For the love of all that is good in life…. STOP THE DAMN FIGHTING!!!!” They will fight over anything. Here are a few examples!
Kid – “Stop touching me with your foot! Your toe touched me and I HATE your toe!”
Kid – “MOOOOM he said that my hair looks tangley!! That is SO RUDE!!!! I DO NOT have tangley hair!”
Kid – “Why does EVERYTHING always go YOUR WAY!!! It is MY turn NOW!” (This was talking about a blanket being draped over a chair while they were making a tent.)
Kid – “Me first… no me first… no me first… no me first….. NO ME FIRST!! YOU were first LAST TIME!!!”
Kid – “Your burp smells like diarrhea! MOOOOM he burped and it smells like diarrhea!”
Me – Blink, Blink, Blink… **looking to the clouds… “Calgon…take me away…. or at least send some Wine and ear plugs because DAMN!”
4) “You JUST ate!!!!” These people are like bottomless pits of nothingness! I can not believe how hungry they are ALL THE TIME!!! Every 15 minutes they are starving!! Absolutely starving!… I mean, I’m not judging. I do like my snacks too… but I get them myself. And I don’t walk around whining that I’m hungry for an hour in hopes that someone will make me some food! Okay… I may have done that once…. or maybe twice…
5) “I can only hear one person at a time!!!” I have no idea why, but once one of these people starts talking to me, I guess that is the sign that everyone should start talking to me ALL AT ONCE!!! All of a sudden all I can hear is a room full of NOISE!!! I keep telling them, I can only hear one at a time! Each person take their turn to say what you need to say. And every time someone starts talking , hear comes another one jumping in! This must be what it’s like to be super famous and have all the paparazzi following you around asking questions all the time! So yeah… Basically I’m famous! …
I haven’t been able to take a shower in 2 days, and the laundry is piled SO high I need someone to send me a flotation raft to pull me out! I have resorted to buying all paper plates because HOLY CRAP the dishes! And I have given up on ever seeing a clean room in this house until early September!
Even with all the fighting and all the whining, I still LOVE Summer with my kids! It goes way too fast. I’m not yet ready for early mornings and pumpkin flavored everything yet! So I’m holding on to Summer as long as possible!!
This is me trying to watch Orange is the New Black!! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!