Sex with a Sandwich… It can happen…

Ever go out to lunch with a friend?? It can be fun. And even educational at times. The other day, my very good friend and I went out to lunch and the conversation that we had was way too good not to share with you. So of course I decided to write a blog post about it. So it would be just like you were there with us. Plus it was too long to be a Facebook post so…. 
Disclaimer: This particular friend of mine is CRAZY!!! But we have a ton of fun together and I love her to pieces!!
We get seated at a booth and order some drinks right away. Everything is going along fine and we decide on an appetizer of artichoke dip and chips.
They bring it to the table and we start digging in.  It was all very good and we were discussing this and that about this and that…you know…
We then order our food and she ordered a turkey sandwich that had avocado on it. I ordered a teriyaki chicken salad. All seems very normal right??
The food comes to the table, and I would like to share with you the conversation that took place.
It started with a few moans here and there. Nothing really loud like Meg Ryan eating a sandwich in When Harry met Sally, …but I could definitely tell my friend was enjoying her sandwich.
Me to my friend – “Is it good? You seem to be really enjoying that sandwich.”
Friend: “OHHH YEAHHH…..It’s this avocado. It’s so subtle, .. yet so tasty. “
At this time she is not just eating it but staring at it longingly. Lovingly… adoringly. She started to rock side to side a little.
Me to friend – “Um, .. is that your food dance?? It looks like you are doing a food dance?”
Friend – “I can’t help it! This avocado is just so subtle…” her voice trails off into a whisper… “so subtle.”
Me – “It almost sounds like you are saying supple…. you’re creeping me out a little.”
Friend –  “No,… the avocado is subtle… it’s the tomato that is supple!” as she holds the sandwich in her hands with a tight yet almost delicate grip.
Friend – “MMMMMMMMMMM……mmmmm…MMMMMMM SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOooooooood!!!!   and this bread,….it’s so…..soft, …and squishy……MMMMMmmmmmm”
Me – blink, blink, blink….
Friend – “mmmmmmmmm…. you just don’t understand how good this is right now.”
So… all I can say is that I do believe I just witnessed my friend have sex with a sandwich. Like her and the turkey with avocado GOT IT ON!! 
I get it… I really do. I love food. And food never betrays you quite like people do. Well, …that’s not entirely true. She did call me later that night and tell me she thinks the sandwich made her sick. She pretty much ended up with the “Turbo Fire’s”…if you know what I mean!! The poops….she got the poops!!
So the moral of the story is…..You can love your turkey and avocado sandwich….Just don’t LOOOVE your turkey and avocado sandwich…. 
Best scene in a movie ever!~ 

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fearless Leader
    Mar 16, 2015 @ 11:36:43

    Good thing y’all didn’t go to a hot dog stand.

    Unless there was video. 😀


  2. List of X
    Mar 16, 2015 @ 12:01:08

    And I bet the sandwich didn’t even call her in the morning.


  3. List of X
    Mar 16, 2015 @ 12:03:12

    Ohh, I got another one: if she didn’t want to get sick from the sandwich, she should’ve used a condiment.


  4. Joy Christi
    Mar 17, 2015 @ 10:16:16

    I was totally thinking HOTDOGS and DONUTS, so good you could GONUTS.
    I am the same way about avocado & tomato together! Often I have toast w/avocado & tomato and my husband will look at me all weird. I tell him allatime, “You just don’t know how GOOD this is for something that isn’t tacos.”
    For me, it has to be RIPE avocado and tomatoes w/just the right amount of salt. Then it can be on a tortilla, or chips, or toast, and WHAM: SexSammich.
    I need a cigarette after reading this post….


    • Vagina
      Mar 17, 2015 @ 12:39:42

      hahaha… The sex and the sandwich all in one!!!! No more…”Can you make me a sammich”….I say…just do it all at once! 😉 Your tomato and avocado combo sounds YUMMO!!!


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