BDSM Hardcore Edition!~

If you haven’t heard about the book Fifty Shades of Grey by now, you may possibly be living under a rock! A few years ago, these fan fiction books became wildly popular. If you hadn’t read them yourself, you knew someone that had. Even Costco had a huge display for all the Fifty Shades of Grey books. Adorned with pictures of ties, and handcuffs. I myself have read all of the books. I was told by a friend about them and I also had read all of the Twilight books so I figured I would give them a try. The Fifty Shades of Grey series was fan fiction based off of the Twilight series.
There has been so much controversy about this book. Starting with the BDSM community. Many of the folks that actually live this lifestyle were very upset at the portrayal of BDSM. There are also many people that have felt these books portray abusive relationships. 
 
 
 
 
 
I thought the books were okay. Obviously I wasn’t expecting to read this fan fiction series and get fine literature from it. If you are interested in my actual opinion about the whole thing I wrote THIS HERE a while back about it. Click on the link and check it out! And then come back here because I will miss you if you don’t come back! …COME BACK!!
 
 
 
 
 
But with all the popularity of these books, .they have now started making the movies. I have not seen the movie yet.  I have read many reviews about it, and I know lots of folks that have seen it. I am sure I will see it eventually. Maybe if it ever comes out on Netflix me and the husband could have a movie night. The thing is I would need to take the kids to grandma’s for the night. I can hear it now…
 
 
Kid – “Mom..what were you and dad watching last night? It sounded weird!! What was all that slapping and moaning and weird sounds?? It scared me and I had bad dreams!!”…
 
 
Me – Blink,Blink, Blink….
 
 
 
 
 
I personally have never lived a BDSM lifestyle, …but I have some ideas to spice up the BDSM world!! Trust me on this….these are fool proof.
 
 
 
 
Let’s go BDSM…HARDCORE!!!~
 
 
 
 
1) Stepping on legos! – I mean….come on, ..everyone knows that one of the most painful things EVER is stepping on a lego. Especially when you stumble out of bed in the middle of the night and the room is dark, you are not expecting it…and all of sudden you step on something that feels like a nail just went through your skin! Not only are you officially awake now,..you are in seething pain and have a dent that is in the shape of a lego on the bottom of your foot!
stepping-on-a-lego-funny-pictures
 
 
 
2) Have you ever been eating something delicious, ..and then for some strange reason you bite the inside of your cheek or tongue and it hurts like hell? And then….for the next two weeks straight no matter what you are eating, ..you ALWAYS bite that same spot over and over and over and over!!! Even if you try and eat on the other side of your mouth, …you end up biting that same spot! Talk about torture!! I hope you are taking notes on this Mr. Grey!
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3) This one may be one of the worst things ever! Stubbing your toe on a corner edge of a wooden table. Just writing that makes me cringe. Especially if you stub it directly on the end of your toe. OUCH!! That is something you will be feeling for hours after. If you stub it hard enough, you might even be limping around for a bit!
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4) Hiccups!! Not so much painful as more annoying than anything! I have a weird thing where I become almost violently angry when I have the hiccups. I HATE them!! And if holding my breath or drinking water doesn’t stop them, …I just get angrier and angrier. I have even thought to myself if these fuckers don’t stop I am going to choke myself until I pass out and hopefully when I come to, I won’t have the hiccups anymore. I’m just saying….I could actually see someone committing murder because they couldn’t get rid of their hiccups!
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5) Isn’t it cute when your 8 year old goes into your closet and starts trying on all of your high heels? Then she starts strutting around the house in them looking adorable. Then she walks past you and crunches every damn toe you have with the pointy heel. And as you are screaming “OUCH…you are standing on my foot”, …she looks up at you smiling while the pointy heel is digging farther and farther in. So you say “You have to move you are standing on my foot!”…and  as she starts to move, she puts all her weight on the shoe that is digging into your flesh, and then finally moves.  Now you have a hole in the form of the heel from  your stiletto shoes embedded into the top of your foot!
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6) Have you ever been walking into a room with a big pile of laundry in your hands and then the sleeve of your shirt gets caught on the door and jacks you so far back that you were basically clothes lined by the door. No pun intended!! This may just be a short person’s problem, but it SUCKS ASS!!! I get clothes lined by my door knobs on a regular basis, …and I always end up with bruises! Did you get that Mr. Grey?? Lots of bruises!!
funny-door-handle-jeans-pants-stuck
 
 
 
7) Picture this – You had a rough night of sleep. Your kids were up most of the night due to one having a headache and the other having night mares. You finally get them to sleep and it is 5:00 am. You don’t officially fall asleep until 6:30 am, and the alarm goes off at 7:00 am. You open your eyes but contemplate that death might not be so bad right now because you would at least get a few hours of sleep. So you force yourself out of bed, …stumble into the kitchen, open up the cupboard looking for some coffee, ..and NOTHING!! You forgot that there is no coffee. You have NO coffee!! THAT is torture! I mean….pure pain and torture my friends. 
 
 
This is a video I made about that very thing! Waking up to NO coffee = TORTURE!~
 
 
So there you have it!! BDSM Hardcore Edition. If you are looking into actually starting up the BDSM lifestyle, then you probably don’t want to take my advice. This here is the worst advice ever. 
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