If you don’t eat your meat, You can’t have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!

Yes….the title of this post is a lyric in the song Pink Floyd’s The Wall!! “We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control, No dark sarcasm in the classroom, Teachers leave them kids alone! Hey! teachers! leave them kids alone! All in all you’re just another brick in the wall! All in all you’re just another brick in the wall!”

This post has absolutely nothing to do with Pink Floyd or this song. It just worked really well for my title!

Having been through primary school, junior high school, high school, and most of college, I believe I am a professional in the way of public school. I’ve been, I’ve succeeded, and I have no desire to ever return. The main reason for this, among other reasons, is that at my age, looking back, I realize that the rules enforced in public schools are BULLSHIT. I have some examples for you. So, without further adieu, here are the school rules.

– No running in the halls! BUT you can’t be late to class, or you will get a tardy. Seriously, three to five minutes should be enough for you to get all the books you need, get a drink of water, and go to the bathroom without being late. But no running.


– You are not allowed to wear hats in school. It’s rude. Also, no tank tops or short skirts, because it’s revealing and rude. BUT cheer-leading uniforms are completely alright. Sure, they may have midriffs showing or, in some cases, butt cheeks, but they are okay. It’s to build team spirit. But hats are fucking rude, don’t wear them.




– You can’t do your homework during detention. No, you must do nothing. Isn’t that horrible? Doing nothing? I’m sorry, isn’t “doing nothing” a favorite pass time for teenagers? It’s, like, their second favorite activity, just behind doing stupid shit. Or you could force them to do their homework, and that would be forcing them to learn, to get their homework done, and to do something they hate. Punishment accomplished.

– Playground rules are the best. No climbing up the slide. No standing on the teeter totter. And only swing back and forth. These rules are placed because these activities are dangerous. BUT these are totally deemed safe.

Nothing to worry about here…



What could possibly go wrong with this scenario~


– No throwing snow balls at recess! What do you think this is? A playground? If you want to have fun in the snow, just have fun standing in it. That should be fun enough for you. Just stand there.

– Stand in line perfectly. If all of you fail at standing in line perfectly and silently, we will practice it for however long it takes. Practicing standing in line for ten minutes straight? Time well spent. It’s not like they could be doing something more important, like math or science.

– Teachers are only hired if they have a certain amount of schooling and qualifications. BUT anybody is qualified to be a lunch lady or bus driver. Is there a school out there that actually does any background checks on these people? Do they even go to a job interview? Because from my experience, anybody is allowed to cook your child’s food. And who cares if the guy is a drunk? I’m sure he can drive a bus load of children. Psh. They’ll be fine.

– Homework is stupid. Sorry, child, I know you have spent 8 hours doing shit you hate, but it’s not enough. Teachers will send home more work, so that you have to do more shit you hate. The fun part is that it’s not only you that suffers, but also your parents.

Story Time with Me

This is a personal experience of mine. Imagine it. It’s cold outside. Not snowing, but chilly. I’m in the 6th grade. Begin scene.

Teacher: Where is your coat?

Me: I didn’t bring one.

Teacher: You need a coat.

Me: I’m fine.

Teacher: It’s cold outside.

Me: Honestly, I’m good. I’m not cold.

Teacher: You have to wear a coat.

Me: I don’t need a coat because I’m not cold.

Teacher: You have to. Go to the lost and found and find a coat to wear.

At this point, what I wanted to say was, “Ew! So I’m not allowed to be cold, but I am allowed to wear something that could have a number of diseases (like LICE) in it that somebody obviously didn’t want anymore, otherwise they would have rescued it from the lost and found. If it was too dirty to keep, I don’t want it on my body.” But, I was in the 6th grade and liked being a good student. So, I went to the lost and found. The choices were sparse, but I found a lovely sweater with a skull on it that smelled funny. Yeah. You’re right, Teacher. This is better than being mildly cold. Thank you for your concern.


So, I guess the point is that even though getting an education is great, public school needs to really think through their outdated rules. Catch up with the rest of the modern world, school!

*Side Note – I love Teachers and think they have the hardest job in the world!! I also believe that most teachers deserve lots of Vodka from all of the parents of the kids that they have to deal with on a regular basis!! ~ So send them some Vodka…they would probably appreciate it. 🙂



Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done!~

If you follow my Facebook page, you may remember a story I told a while back about picking up my nine year old from school one day!! 
This happened:
As I was picking up the nine year old from school today, he started to walk towards the car, ..and there was another kid walking next to him. Out of nowhere, they both drop their backpacks and take off running toward the buses! Then my son comes back, picks up his back pack, ..and walks over to the car.
Me – “What was that all about?”
The 9 year old – “Oh that was some random kid that wanted to race to the buses!”
Me – “So you didn’t even know him?”
The 9 year old – “No! but he said…hey want to race to the buses and I was like…sure.”
All I keep thinking about is, what if grown ups did things like that?!..
I’m walking through Walmart in the frozen section and a random lady is standing there picking out a frozen lasagna. She looks at me and I look at her…
Random lady in the freezer section – “Hey…wanna race to the chip aisle?”
Me – “Hell to the Ya I do!!! Let’s do this!”..
So we both take off racing to the chip aisle. I win of course because I’m awesome!
Random lady – “awww man!! I was so close!” …then she walks off…
Who do I have to get a hold of to make this a thing??… because I am in!!
This got me thinking about how being an adult is so stupid sometimes! It’s like, somewhere along the way we lose our sense of whimsical thought, and we become much more hardened about the world.  I don’t know when it happens, but it is sad that it happens. 
There were so many things I was expecting adulthood to be like that never actually happened.  Things like this:
1) I was certain I was going to end up one day dealing with volcano Lava. I was extremely prepared for it too.  I used to jump from couch to couch and knew exactly how to get past volcano Lava without getting touched by it at all!   I would say…I was Pro level!!
2) Another thing I have yet to have been faced with is quicksand! In the 41 years I have been on this Earth, I have never even seen quicksand!  I am probably over prepared for quicksand though. I had even drawn out an escape plan and had it folded up and carried it around with me for the majority of ’82. 
3) I will admit to actually believing that the crust of the bread is the healthiest part! I blame my Mom for this!! When I actually started eating it, ..I really thought I had achieved something great. Now I am a “healthy” eater. Just call me “health nut” because I ate the crust of the bread!! Thanks mom…for that LIE!!!!
4) I can’t tell you how many times I was going to “run away” as a kid! I had picked the perfect stick, and kept a red bandanna at all times just in case. I had planned on putting a slice of bread, and my strawberry shortcake doll in the bandanna and tying it to the end of the stick. I did actually make it as far as two houses down once, but I got hungry and ate the bread and was still hungry so I went home for dinner…(FYI – they didn’t even know I left)..
5) I also have not experienced being able to walk off a cliff and actually be stuck there for five seconds until you start to fall. I used to always tell myself that if I ever walk off a cliff and am stuck in mid air for five seconds, like every looney toon ever ..instead of looking down, I would use that time wisely and just…you know….walk back to the edge….. problem solved!!!!
6) Another thing I was sure was going to happen was that I would most likely get attacked by a shark while I was taking a bath or swimming in a pool! Especially the deep end! I can assure you that I have taken many baths, and swam in many pools and haven’t been attacked yet by a shark! I suppose it could still happen though…
7) I was also waiting for the day that my brothers face would get stuck like this!!!
That actually ended up happening…. 
If you are reading this… Just kidding bro…. (not really though)… 😉 
Not much of what I actually thought being an adult would be like has come true! But I can tell you that I have figured out what most of being an adult really is…
It’s taxes!! Being an adult is mostly paying taxes! …  
That’s all folks!!~

Sex with a Sandwich… It can happen…

Ever go out to lunch with a friend?? It can be fun. And even educational at times. The other day, my very good friend and I went out to lunch and the conversation that we had was way too good not to share with you. So of course I decided to write a blog post about it. So it would be just like you were there with us. Plus it was too long to be a Facebook post so…. 
Disclaimer: This particular friend of mine is CRAZY!!! But we have a ton of fun together and I love her to pieces!!
We get seated at a booth and order some drinks right away. Everything is going along fine and we decide on an appetizer of artichoke dip and chips.
They bring it to the table and we start digging in.  It was all very good and we were discussing this and that about this and that…you know…
We then order our food and she ordered a turkey sandwich that had avocado on it. I ordered a teriyaki chicken salad. All seems very normal right??
The food comes to the table, and I would like to share with you the conversation that took place.
It started with a few moans here and there. Nothing really loud like Meg Ryan eating a sandwich in When Harry met Sally, …but I could definitely tell my friend was enjoying her sandwich.
Me to my friend – “Is it good? You seem to be really enjoying that sandwich.”
Friend: “OHHH YEAHHH…..It’s this avocado. It’s so subtle, .. yet so tasty. “
At this time she is not just eating it but staring at it longingly. Lovingly… adoringly. She started to rock side to side a little.
Me to friend – “Um, .. is that your food dance?? It looks like you are doing a food dance?”
Friend – “I can’t help it! This avocado is just so subtle…” her voice trails off into a whisper… “so subtle.”
Me – “It almost sounds like you are saying supple…. you’re creeping me out a little.”
Friend –  “No,… the avocado is subtle… it’s the tomato that is supple!” as she holds the sandwich in her hands with a tight yet almost delicate grip.
Friend – “MMMMMMMMMMM……mmmmm…MMMMMMM SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOooooooood!!!!   and this bread,….it’s so…..soft, …and squishy……MMMMMmmmmmm”
Me – blink, blink, blink….
Friend – “mmmmmmmmm…. you just don’t understand how good this is right now.”
So… all I can say is that I do believe I just witnessed my friend have sex with a sandwich. Like her and the turkey with avocado GOT IT ON!! 
I get it… I really do. I love food. And food never betrays you quite like people do. Well, …that’s not entirely true. She did call me later that night and tell me she thinks the sandwich made her sick. She pretty much ended up with the “Turbo Fire’s”…if you know what I mean!! The poops….she got the poops!!
So the moral of the story is…..You can love your turkey and avocado sandwich….Just don’t LOOOVE your turkey and avocado sandwich…. 
Best scene in a movie ever!~ 

BDSM Hardcore Edition!~

If you haven’t heard about the book Fifty Shades of Grey by now, you may possibly be living under a rock! A few years ago, these fan fiction books became wildly popular. If you hadn’t read them yourself, you knew someone that had. Even Costco had a huge display for all the Fifty Shades of Grey books. Adorned with pictures of ties, and handcuffs. I myself have read all of the books. I was told by a friend about them and I also had read all of the Twilight books so I figured I would give them a try. The Fifty Shades of Grey series was fan fiction based off of the Twilight series.
There has been so much controversy about this book. Starting with the BDSM community. Many of the folks that actually live this lifestyle were very upset at the portrayal of BDSM. There are also many people that have felt these books portray abusive relationships. 
I thought the books were okay. Obviously I wasn’t expecting to read this fan fiction series and get fine literature from it. If you are interested in my actual opinion about the whole thing I wrote THIS HERE a while back about it. Click on the link and check it out! And then come back here because I will miss you if you don’t come back! …COME BACK!!
But with all the popularity of these books, .they have now started making the movies. I have not seen the movie yet.  I have read many reviews about it, and I know lots of folks that have seen it. I am sure I will see it eventually. Maybe if it ever comes out on Netflix me and the husband could have a movie night. The thing is I would need to take the kids to grandma’s for the night. I can hear it now…
Kid – “Mom..what were you and dad watching last night? It sounded weird!! What was all that slapping and moaning and weird sounds?? It scared me and I had bad dreams!!”…
Me – Blink,Blink, Blink….
I personally have never lived a BDSM lifestyle, …but I have some ideas to spice up the BDSM world!! Trust me on this….these are fool proof.
Let’s go BDSM…HARDCORE!!!~
1) Stepping on legos! – I mean….come on, ..everyone knows that one of the most painful things EVER is stepping on a lego. Especially when you stumble out of bed in the middle of the night and the room is dark, you are not expecting it…and all of sudden you step on something that feels like a nail just went through your skin! Not only are you officially awake now,..you are in seething pain and have a dent that is in the shape of a lego on the bottom of your foot!
2) Have you ever been eating something delicious, ..and then for some strange reason you bite the inside of your cheek or tongue and it hurts like hell? And then….for the next two weeks straight no matter what you are eating, ..you ALWAYS bite that same spot over and over and over and over!!! Even if you try and eat on the other side of your mouth, …you end up biting that same spot! Talk about torture!! I hope you are taking notes on this Mr. Grey!
3) This one may be one of the worst things ever! Stubbing your toe on a corner edge of a wooden table. Just writing that makes me cringe. Especially if you stub it directly on the end of your toe. OUCH!! That is something you will be feeling for hours after. If you stub it hard enough, you might even be limping around for a bit!
4) Hiccups!! Not so much painful as more annoying than anything! I have a weird thing where I become almost violently angry when I have the hiccups. I HATE them!! And if holding my breath or drinking water doesn’t stop them, …I just get angrier and angrier. I have even thought to myself if these fuckers don’t stop I am going to choke myself until I pass out and hopefully when I come to, I won’t have the hiccups anymore. I’m just saying….I could actually see someone committing murder because they couldn’t get rid of their hiccups!
5) Isn’t it cute when your 8 year old goes into your closet and starts trying on all of your high heels? Then she starts strutting around the house in them looking adorable. Then she walks past you and crunches every damn toe you have with the pointy heel. And as you are screaming “OUCH…you are standing on my foot”, …she looks up at you smiling while the pointy heel is digging farther and farther in. So you say “You have to move you are standing on my foot!”…and  as she starts to move, she puts all her weight on the shoe that is digging into your flesh, and then finally moves.  Now you have a hole in the form of the heel from  your stiletto shoes embedded into the top of your foot!
6) Have you ever been walking into a room with a big pile of laundry in your hands and then the sleeve of your shirt gets caught on the door and jacks you so far back that you were basically clothes lined by the door. No pun intended!! This may just be a short person’s problem, but it SUCKS ASS!!! I get clothes lined by my door knobs on a regular basis, …and I always end up with bruises! Did you get that Mr. Grey?? Lots of bruises!!
7) Picture this – You had a rough night of sleep. Your kids were up most of the night due to one having a headache and the other having night mares. You finally get them to sleep and it is 5:00 am. You don’t officially fall asleep until 6:30 am, and the alarm goes off at 7:00 am. You open your eyes but contemplate that death might not be so bad right now because you would at least get a few hours of sleep. So you force yourself out of bed, …stumble into the kitchen, open up the cupboard looking for some coffee, ..and NOTHING!! You forgot that there is no coffee. You have NO coffee!! THAT is torture! I mean….pure pain and torture my friends. 
This is a video I made about that very thing! Waking up to NO coffee = TORTURE!~
So there you have it!! BDSM Hardcore Edition. If you are looking into actually starting up the BDSM lifestyle, then you probably don’t want to take my advice. This here is the worst advice ever. 


writer & author


life surrounded by a wife and two girls

Cellulite Looks Better Tan

And Other Observations From My Soap Box.

Mental Defecation

My mind poops here

renegade mothering

tales of a wayward mama

Dances With Fat

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness are Not Size Dependent

Abby Has Issues

I have issues. So do you.

Nonsense & Shenanigans

Because who wants to make sense and behave, anyway?

Single Girl Blogging

I'm a single girl dating in Los Angeles. Sometimes. It's interesting.

The Apprehensive Vagina

Navigating a world of anxiety and sexual pain through humor and conversation.


Why aren't you at your post?


...adventures of a Crafter-Mama!

Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK?!

I have struggled to be famous for over a decade. I have learned talent and hard-work are not key factors. This blog is dedicated to my pursuit in figuring out what it takes… to be famous.

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.


Crazy is relative. Just ask my relatives. And music!

Weird Woman Lives Past 40

My bumpy, messy, fattening, slutty, beautiful, simple life. Step into my panties...err parlour.

Crazy Good Parent

a digital community for people with mental health issues trying to be the best parents they can