The 1st year of Marriage ~VS~ The 25th year of Marriage

The husband and I have been hanging out with each other for just about 28 years now. I like him…..I mean, he’s cute, …and he says nice things to me. He also buys me stuff….so….I keep him around.  When you have spent the majority of your life with one person, you get to know them in a way that they probably don’t even know themselves. You learn how to deal with each other and figure out what works. I am still hanging out with him all these years later because I like him. He’s fun to hang out with and he makes me laugh. That’s really all it is.  If you like someone and you enjoy their company, …then hang out with them. You will be much happier hanging out with the folks that you actually enjoy their company more so than folks that rub you the wrong way.
Anyway, …our anniversary is coming up, and I was thinking about how we were so young when we first started hanging out together. We were just teenagers. It’s funny to think back on how we did things early in our marriage and how we do things now. 
So I came up with some differences of what it is like the 1st year of marriage as opposed to the 25th year of marriage!…Not all things apply to all people.  It’s just for fun folks!~
On the first year of marriage – You snuggle in bed at night and face each other with your hands linked together. You have to hold hands all night because you wouldn’t want to possibly lose them…while you both slept!
The 25th year of marriage – You build a blanket wall/breath blocker between the two of you because sleep breath is no joke my friends! “Stay on your own damn side please…and keep that stank breath over there with you!”
The first year of marriage – You sneak into the bathroom to make your doodie business hoping that it’s not too big of a blowout because you would die if he/she heard the explosion!
The 25th year of marriage – You show them what you created in the toilet! and you both look at it with wonderment… 
The first year of marriage – You try really hard not to fart in front of your person. You might let out a little bit….but you never let the blow horn BLOW!
The 25th year of marriage – Not only do you let the blow horn blow… measure the intensity level by the sound it made wondering if your person actually damaged their butthole!! Unless of course if your person has eaten beans….then you are just PISSED at them and you walk out of the room…
The first year of marriage – Since you are still getting to know each other and how each other works, when you go to a friends house and team up to play Taboo,  you usually never win, but you end up learning more about your mate than you actually knew before you played the game! (hopefully all still good) 🙂 
The 25th year of marriage – You go to a friends house to play Taboo and everyone says “OH FUCK….not you guys!!! Forget it everyone….they are going to WIN!” and you always do win! EVERY DAMN TIME!!!! suckas…
The first year of marriage – You still light candles at dinner time, and put flowers on the table so it feels like a date!
The 25th year of marriage – You have taco tournaments with each other until you both feel like puking and lay on the couch with your taco filled guts hanging out rubbing each other’s bellies for relief!
The first year of marriage – You listen intently to each other because you want to be a good partner and always give the other person your undivided attention.
The 25th year of marriage – You learn to say “Uh huh” A LOT!!! It’s not that you aren’t listening…but you learn to multitask and listen at the same time as wiping a kid’s ass, making dinner, ..and talking on the phone all at the same time! It can be done!!! 
The first year of marriage – You still go out on date nights to a fancy restaurant, and get drinks afterward. 
The 25th year of marriage – Date night always ends up at Walmart! ALWAYS!!! …”oh honey….we left the kids at home with the sitter and there was no toilet paper left in the house! whoops!”
The first year of marriage – You still learn new things about each other that you didn’t know. Your partner may say something that you have never heard before and you are still hearing new stories about them.
The 25th year of marriage – You literally finish each other’s sentences. Your conversations go something like this:
Husband – “Honey…did you know”…
Wife – “Yeah..I heard about that”…
Husband – “Crazy right?”..
Wife – “I know!! I also heard..”
Husband – “Oh yeah…about that thing”
Wife – “Yep!”
Husband – “I can’t believe”
Wife – “I said the same damn thing!!!”
You just know!!!
The first year of marriage – Maybe you guys are good friends and laugh at each other’s jokes and get along really well and it’s all very sweet.
The 25th year of marriage – This person has seen me push people out of the hole in my crotch, this person has seen me shit on a table (also due to pushing people out of my crotch), this person has seen my body get cut open, this person has seen me on the floor crying my eyeballs out because I lost someone in death, this person has seen me make very bad decisions. This person has seen me gain weight, lose weight, attain wrinkles and gray hair, lose my perfect eyesight and need reading glasses.  This person has seen me at my absolute worst, and also at my absolute best! And still this person chooses to hang out with me. This person isn’t just a best friend, ..but so much more than that. A soul mate. 
The first year of marriage is a lot of fun. But there is so much more to look forward to. When you choose a person to walk your journey with on this earth, …they are the ones that will see all of you! So make sure you like them, …and Enjoy the ride!!…
Notice the lack of hair! 28 years and 4 kids can do a number on a person’s head of hair!~
And I am throwing in this preview from Louis C.K.’s new special because…HILARIOUS!!~

16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 12:19:04

    This is so sweet…and funny…and so, so true!


  2. Fearless Leader
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 12:21:08

    After about 10 years drinking heavily also helps.

    Congrats Vag & Mr Vag!


  3. Sofia Leo
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 12:23:03

    Congrats on 25 years!


  4. waitingforprincecharming
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 13:31:54

    What a wonderful and honest post! 🙂
    Good for you!


  5. Jo Ann De Angelo
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 14:10:59

    This is wonderful. I love you both!


  6. Ashley Hettinger
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 15:02:34

    Loved It. We are 12 years in and I knows he’s the one, the one I want to nag for the rest of his life. Kinda like Kitty and Ray from that 70s show. He’s my one and only.


    • Vagina
      Jan 29, 2015 @ 08:28:42

      I Love it!!! That is so perfect! And the fact that you know he is the one and only for you makes it even stronger. You give your heart and work through what you need to because it is worth it! Thanks so much for your comment!


  7. Diane Skurat
    Jan 28, 2015 @ 17:52:51

    i was CRYING laughing in work– so much so — I had to close and not read anymore

    Your emails are awesome– but this— this was the best!!!!

    🙂 Diane


  8. Joanne Barbieri
    Feb 14, 2016 @ 17:04:53

    It’s so nice to just finally be able to be yourself with someone (burrppp!) Happy Valentine’s Day!


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