Goblins, Ghouls, and…. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!…

Halloween is right around the corner. Are you ready?? Have you already purchased your kids Halloween costumes and bought your bags of candy to pass out to all the ghouls and goblins that will be knocking on your door that night? Good for you!! It’s always a good idea to stay ahead of the game and be prepared in advance.

 
For me though….I tend to never be ready in advance. As a matter of fact….I am LATE to everything. But when it comes to Halloween, …I purposely choose to be late! Here are all the reasons I wait until the very last second to buy my kids Halloween costumes and candy!

 
September 30th (The 8 year old) – “I want to be Elsa for Halloween…I want to freeze everything and make an ice castle. I definitely want to be Elsa this year!”

 

 
October 1st ( The 8 year old) – “I think I want to be Anna from frozen instead of Elsa….she is better because I like how she sings and I really like her dress! I want to be Anna for Halloween.”

 

 
October 2nd (The 8 year old) – “I decided to be a black kitty for Halloween. I have always wanted to be a black kitty!”

 

 
October 3rd (The 9 year old) – “I want to be Luigi for Halloween”

 

 
October 4th (The 9 year old) – “I changed my mind..I want to be Harry Potter….I need a wand”

 

 
October 5th (The 9 year old) – “I REALLY REALLY want to be Iron Man! I Love Iron Man!!”

 

 
October 6th – (Me) *hm, …that Halloween candy is just sitting in the closet…just sitting there! I’ll just open the bag and eat one. Only one! …. (20 pieces later)….oh crap!! Well, …I’ll just buy more…

 

 
October 7th (The 8 and 9 year old’s simultaneously) – “Mom…we changed our minds about our costumes…..We want to be Dead Ninja warriors”..

 

 

Me – blink, blink, blink…

 

October 8th (The 9 year old) – “Last year for Halloween my friend was a zombie dog for Halloween…that’s what I want to be! A zombie dog!”

 

 
October 9th (Me) – *stashes the new bags of candy in the bottom of my sock drawer.

 

 
October 10th (Me) – *thinks the sock drawer is a bad idea because what if the candy melts. Grabs the candy out of the sock drawer…and eats it! oh crap…I need to buy more candy…

 

 
October 11th ( The 14 year old) – “Mom….I was invited to a Halloween costume party and I want to be a baked potato! I would totally win!!!”

 

 
Me – *A baked potato??? A friggin baked potato??? I need some chocolate…

 

 
October 12th (The 14 year old) – “Never mind mom…I’m not going to the Halloween party, ..but I still want a costume. I guess I’ll just be a mummy and wrap myself up in toilet paper! Then I could use the toilet paper to cover Jake’s house because he told me I had skunk eyebrows!”

 

 

 

*What the hell are skunk eyebrows?

 

 
October 13th (The 8 year old) – “I don’t want to dress up for Halloween!! I’m NOT dressing up!”

 

 
Me – *GOOD!!! ….I need some chocolate! …hm, where did I put that bag of candy again…

 

 
October 14th (The 8 year old) – “Mommy, Mommy,….I want to be an angel for Halloween. With wings and everything”..

 

 
Me – (in my head).. *an angel….um, …yeah…try again kid…

 

 
October 15th (Me) – *buys 4 more bags of candy to make sure I will have some here for Halloween night!

 

 
October 16th (Me) – *Eats 4 bags of candy! ….

 

 
October 17th (The 9 year old) – “Okay….I decided I really, really, really want to be a pirate! A REAL pirate though. With a REAL sword and a REAL parrot!.. I promise I won’t actually stab anybody with the real sword!!

 
Me – Blink, Blink, Blink…

 

 
October 18th (The 9 year old) – “I know I said I really, really  was sure about being a pirate but I changed my mind! I want to be dog puke! My friend was dog puke last year and the costume was so funny. We could totally make dog puke..it would be easy!

 

 

 

October 19th , 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th,27th,28th,29th.… “Mom, I want to be this. no that, no this, no that….never mind…I want to be this….No I want to be that….etc….etc…..etc…..

 

 

 

October 30th – We drive to the store to buy costumes….. (ME) – “Well kids, …looks like you can choose between being a pumpkin or a ghost! Make your choice because this is all they have left!”…

 

 

 

Halloween Night – “Oh you guys looks so cute in your costumes. A pumpkin and A ghost!…Now where did I put that Halloween candy again??”… oh crap…

 

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Change the Channel and Pass the Popcorn!~

Have you ever been watching a T.V. show, ..and a random thought pops in your head? It happens sometimes. So I thought I would give you a glimpse into my weird brain and share some of the many thoughts I have had while watching some of my T.V. Shows….

 

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL– I could do that pose so much better. I mean, they are completely missing the art of it.

 

 

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY– Wow, they are dysfunctional bitchy back stabbers. Why am I watching this again? Oh look! Another cat fight!

 

 

SHERLOCK– Hm, maybe I could deduce somebody like that… *looks over at friend. I can tell by the wrinkle in their shirt that they…. crap, I don’t know.

 

 

SUPERNATURAL– There is no way that dude eats nothing but cheeseburgers and pie, and still looks like an underwear model. That’s the most supernatural thing about this show.

 

 

ANIMAL COPS– No no no no no, change it change it change it. I don’t want to see that.

 

 

HOARDERS– Compared to them, I am a clean freak. I’m like the flippin Queen of England.

 

 

GAME OF THRONES– Another sex scene, really? I mean, I don’t mind sex, but can’t we just have another bloody battle instead? I might as well just be watching porn.

 

 

MINDY PROJECT– HAHAHAHAHA! OMG, Mindy, stop! I’m gonna pee my pants! HAHAHA!

 

 

OPRAH– Aw, they all get free ipods and free cars and free bedsheets. And what do I get? Nothing.

 

 

TOP CHEF- Oh geez, that looks good. I would eat all of that. And the judge says it’s mediocre? Shut up, judge! I don’t want to hear it. All I have to eat is mac and cheese.

 

 

BIGGEST LOSER– I could probably do that exercise… If they can, I can… Who am I kidding? My ass is basically glued to this couch….*could you pass the popcorn…

 

 

THE WALKING DEAD– I don’t know which is more gross: The zombies or people doing it when they haven’t showered in two years.

 

 

ONCE UPON A TIME– So, wait? He’s the grandfather of the son of the sister of the evil step mother? I’m confused.

 

 

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK– It doesn’t look too bad. I could probably handle prison. I bet I’d be the toughest one in there. Except the whole pooping in front of people thing… I don’t think I could do that…

 

 

ELEMENTARY- So this is like Sherlock… but without Benedict Cumberbatch… I want Benedict Cumberbatch.

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19 KIDS AND COUNTING – nope.  *turns off T.V. and heads to the bathroom to pluck eyebrows! ….plucking eyebrows is more interesting!!

 

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How to stay Trendy on the Internet!~

Do you ever feel like you just don’t know what is going on. You always seem to miss the new trend that is happening on Social Media. Yeah….me too…..

So I did some research and put together a few ways that will help you to stay trendy online! Check it out!

Top ten ways to stay trendy on the Interwebz!~

1) Since we are approaching Autumn time again….the most glorious of seasons, with all the beautiful colors and the weather starting to change, always make sure that when you are on Facebook, you leave posts about how much you hate any and all things Pumpkin. Especially Pumpkin latte’s! Hate them! Make sure to post about it a few times a week and find pumpkin products to show everyone how much you hate pumpkin! It’s actually more popular to hate it then love it right now, so if you happen to be one of those folks that really does like pumpkin latte’s…you might want to keep it to yourself!

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2) Again we are at that time of year where Football is back!! If you live in America then you know that football is a thing!! People get crazy about it! To stay trendy, …make sure that you tweet as much as possible about YOUR team. Also comment often on the posts that other folks have posted about THEIR teams and make sure to let them know how their team sucks ass!!! If there is a football game on, …make sure that you post about every single play that happens and how angry you are about it all!!

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3) If you are one of those folks that is not into football, make sure to post often about how you are not into football!

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4) I am a Bay Area girl! I grew up in California, and my heart will always remain there! To all my Cali people…I love you!! But if you are from California, and it happens to rain, …Immediately get on your social media and let everyone know!!! IT IS RAINING!!! Be careful out there folks! Water is falling from the sky which means things will happen….Many things! If you live in California and you want to be trendy….Post about the rain when it rains!

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5) If you are a Blogger, make sure that you blog about Miley Cyrus! It doesn’t matter what you write about….just make sure that you do!

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6) If you are a mom…..you must hate Calliou! If you want to be trendy you have to follow these instructions. Hate his voice, and make sure to talk about how much you hate him on social media! Can I just say though….this one has a lot of merit to it! Have you ever heard Calliou’s voice??? Nails on a chalkboard!!!

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7) Hashtags!!! – #sorrynotsorry #jussayin #livinthedream. #nofilter. I have used those many times. There is also a big list of hashtags that are trending. You can actually find those on Google. An entire list of the hashtags you can use so that you can stay trendy!! One of the longest-running hashtags on Twitter, #FollowFriday or #FF is a way for Twitter users to recommend their favorite tweeters to their followers. It happens every Friday and is a worldwide event. Ideally, #FollowFriday should consist of recommendations for Twitter accounts that one believes are genuinely awesome, but for the most part people just #FF all their followers so that no one will feel left out, creating something closer to white noise.

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8) Also use Hashtags on Facebook! Even though they really mean nothing on Facebook! JUST DO IT!

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9) Every Monday post about how much you Hate Mondays! Don’t ever post something about loving Mondays and being so happy that you have to get up for work again! Not only will everyone hate you….chances are you will be thrown out of social media all together!

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10) There are two kinds of people on the internet! Iphone people and NOT Iphone people. Pick a side folks!! There is no cross over here. You pick a side and go with it. If you happen to be an Iphone person, post often about how awesome your Iphone or Ipad is. And how all the other idiots that don’t have one will never know how awesome it really is! If you go in the other direction, which is basically any other kind of phone…make sure to let everyone know that you will NEVER own an Iphone. Not even if someone paid you too!!…and laugh at the people that have a phone that is bent to the shape of their ass now!… 😉

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Bonus – Always make sure to keep up on what the National Day of the year it is. Like for instance if it is National Dog day…post pics of your dog. Or National coffee day, post pics of your coffee, …maybe it’s National pancake day or National pie day! Just as long as you post pics of your pancake and/or pie…you will for sure stay trendy!

What is out:

Some of the trends that were really big a few years back have made there way out. Like taking pictures of your dinner. You don’t see much of that anymore. Which kind of makes me sad because at least I knew whose house to crash for dinner. Also posting 5 million selfies has kind of made it’s way out. It’s more about the picture bombers these days. Posting a selfie while you are simultaneously picture bombing someone else…that is the shit my friends!!

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Disclaimer: I have done all of these things. So don’t get all pissy at me because I’m pointing it out! I use Hashtags sometimes, and I complain about Calliou. I am not really a fan of football but I do have a team I connect with so of course I have to post “Go Niners!!”  Which is ridiculous because I never watch the games. I don’t post about rain anymore, ..but you better believe I have posted when it is 10 degrees below zero! I have to complain to someone about it! I do love Pumpkin latte’s though! and you know what… #sorrynotsorry!!!

LOUISE ALLAN

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