Wings Do Not always help you fly…

The other day ..I had to call the husband at work and ask him to please stop at the store and get some pads. The monthly mofo had shown up and I was out of feminine products. My husband has always been pretty good about stopping and picking up those things if I need them. He is pretty secure in his masculinity that it doesn’t bother him. Also he almost always brings chocolate on those days because he knows by now that it will definitely make it a better night around here if he does.

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Except this time!! Now let me just say, …I have been with this man for close to 28 years. He knows me!!! He knows everything about me! Probably better than I know myself. And this man that I stood before God and all of our friends and family and vowed to love through thick and thin, sickness and health, ..walked in the door with pads with Wings!!!! WHAAAA????

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After 28 years with someone, ….I think it’s pretty safe to say that they should know if you are a pad with wings kind of person or not. I myself have never met a pads with wings kind of person. I have often wondered why they even sell them and who is actually using them? I mean if you are into chunks of your hair down there being pulled out every step you take then more power to you!

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I love my husband very much…I do, and after 28 years we have been through a lot together and we have stood by each other through many hard times. But this…..the wings…I don’t know, …this is something that I am not sure I can just overlook.

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Well, …the truth is, …he had a family size bag of Reeses with him. He definitely gets points for that. Now if he had a Ben and Jerry’s along with it, I might be able to overlook this whole wings nonsense. I am starting to wonder if I know the man I am married to at all. I mean, we sleep in the same bed together, we watch the same shows, …we even make out on occasions…(usually when the kids are asleep…which is NEVER)….but this….The wings…..Who is this man I married!!

The best part about the whole thing is, ..I decided to take them back because I REALLY hate wings. So I go up to the service center in Walmart and the Walmart guy looks at the pads and then looks at me and says…”What, …were they the wrong size or something?”….um, ….really Walmart guy?? Okay…you asked “Well if you must know…NO they were not the wrong size, but as you can see they have wings and you may not know this about me, …but I despise pads with wings…mostly because they end up ripping every shred of hair I have on my Vagina out…but not in a good way, …not like you went and had a professional Brazilian wax done so everything is nice and shiny and pretty, …but more like you got drunk at a frat party and passed out so all your friends shaved parts of your hair off and now they start calling you “patches!”…But thanks for asking Walmart service guy!!!”…

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So tell me in the comments…are you a pads with wings kind of person? I’m really curios actually because I have often wondered who these people are that buy the wings.

Disclaimer – No judgement to any of you wings folks. I just happen to like my wings covered in spicy hot sauce…and not Vagina sauce! ( That may have even been too gross for me to type)…

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Also check out Buster getting ready for bed!! This is EVERY NIGHT!!! That dog is crazy….but aren’t we all just a little crazy??…

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19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tempest Rose
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 15:14:36

    I’m not a pad person at all, but when I do get them I need wings. I’ve never really had much of a problem with them pulling my hair out, but I always have a problem with them staying in place.

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Aug 11, 2014 @ 12:15:33

      That is one of the most frustrating things about wings…they never want to stay in place!!! I thought that was what the wings were for… πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  2. El Guapo
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 15:38:34

    Hope you embarrassed the hell out of walmart guy!

    Reply

  3. Sofia Leo
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 17:13:11

    No wings! They are a product of Satan and I will not have them!

    Reply

  4. REDdog
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 18:20:46

    I’m more of a no wings kinda guy…wait…

    Reply

  5. lisaeggs
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 20:36:26

    Hahaha, oh Vagina, you get me every time πŸ™‚ Wings are weird! I’ve always thought so! I’m about to go on vacation and guess what? My monthly mofo is coming along with me!!! Dammit, it was not invited!!!! Thanks for the laugh as always! Love ya!!!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Aug 11, 2014 @ 12:18:19

      I have missed you sweet sista!!! I hope vacation was still fun even though MOFO tagged along!! He is such an asshole…. seriously….Monthly Mofo is a dude and everybody knows it!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  6. Patti Moghabghab
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 20:53:29

    “vagina sauce”…… yeah- I would have went there too!! LMAO

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Aug 11, 2014 @ 12:19:23

      hahahaha..That actually makes me feel better about it! I wasn’t sure how folks were going to take it… πŸ˜‰ You just never know what will be the thing that makes some people freak out.

      Reply

  7. Patty
    Aug 07, 2014 @ 20:54:35

    Ha! I don’t need anything any more. At 60 I paid my dues. I had two inchca thick things you had to wear with a belt!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Aug 11, 2014 @ 12:21:04

      Oh geez!!! Well you have earned your freedom because that sounds terrible!! I can’t even handle wings. But I am looking forward to the day when I can say goodbye to the monthly NOT FRIEND!! πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  8. Twindaddy
    Aug 11, 2014 @ 07:39:57

    I like my wings with some Frank’s Red Hot and a little bit of ranch dressing…

    Reply

  9. Emily
    Aug 12, 2014 @ 15:07:44

    Most of my life I’ve been a tampon-only person with an occasional pantyliner, so it hasn’t been an issue, but somehow, if it’s imaginable, I’ve become too lazy for tampons. I’ve been using mostly pads for a handful of years now and I was always a wings person until, I guess, I had to use up some shitty pads without wings (they were seriously awful for other reasons) and it occurred to me how much I hate pads with wings. Not like I suddenly changed my mind, but like I gave myself permission to stop using something I hated all along. I’ll never understand why…

    Come to think of it, though, I’ve had a super heavy flow most of my life, so I think I liked the wings because it helped protect the sides of my panties from getting stained which they did immediately without wings. In theory. In practice, however, the wings rip out hair until they can’t stick to your panties, and then migrate up to into them, and then the blood stains your panties, which also happens immediately. So that’s why I was lost and now am found.

    Reply

  10. wherethesanityends
    Aug 13, 2014 @ 20:49:34

    This is hilarious… kudos to you for having a rocking husband who does this. My other half still refers to it as “that dying time when you go crazy”

    Reply

  11. Runs In Mud
    Aug 14, 2014 @ 06:43:20

    Neither-I hate them both. Pads and wings. I’ve been a tampon girl most of my life and just recently tried a menstrual cup while we were on vacation. Oh shit, don’t even get me started on that thing! Holy hell, talk about a complete disaster. Had to go back to the old tampon stand by. Until next month. At this point, I’m praying for menopause.

    Reply

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