My grade is a Big Fat F ~

Have you ever felt like you are failing at life? Like if life was grading you… your grade would be a BIG FAT F!! That is pretty much exactly how I am feeling right now. I guess the best way to describe what is going on with me would be “trudging!”…I’m merely trudging along at this point. The thing is, I feel like I am sucking at everything. I am sucking at cleaning my house, I am sucking at getting my kids where they need to be. I am sucking at being a good friend. I am really sucking at getting any kind of dinner cooked. But in my defense I have always sucked at cooking so… you know…not much change there.



It makes it even harder when you have people around you that put on the “my life is perfect , and if you just did things like me then your life could be perfect too…thing!” I feel like everyone struggles with different things in their life, ..and they are not all the same….but when you can look at another person and judge them so easily because their struggle is different than yours…it’s simply NOT COOL! I couldn’t think of the right word to use there…so I’m just going to say NOT COOL! When a person walks around with the attitude that they have it all figured out, and all is grand, it really does make other people feel bad. Because they start to wonder why can’t they figure it out. Why is it so hard for them to reach that perfection. I can not tell you how many times I have thought to myself, why can Suzy Mcperfect Mcgee from down the street get dinner made, the house cleaned AND the lawn mowed while still looking perfect in her bejeweled jeans, and I can’t even get my damn hair brushed. It sucks to feel like a failure.


My true feeling on this is that some people may find it easier to get dinner on the table and get the house cleaned up, and the lawn mowed and maybe even crochet an entire blanket all in one day…but that does not make them any better of a person than anyone else. Some people are good at that. Some people are good at fitness, and eating super healthy and running 5 miles a day. Some people are really good at art, while others are really good at math. Where the problem comes in, is when someone is really good at something…like say fitness, and they assume that because this thing comes really easy to them, it should be easy for everyone. Narcissism at it’s finest!!




People that spew their crap about how to be a better mother, or have a better body, or how to be a better wife! Give me a damn break!! I am so sick of it! I am tired of feeling like I have to live up to a certain standard because someone else decided that was the way things are supposed to be. Well guess what? That is not the way it is for me!! Just because you may be good at something, does not mean everyone else should be also. This is the main reason I do not join mommy groups! I can not take the judgement that other mothers spew out. It’s damaging and hurtful. I want nothing to do with that crap. Lately I have had a pretty good taste of  it because of all these field trips and school picnics I have had to go on, and all it has done is make me realize why I choose not to be a part of all that. I start to fall into that BS and compare myself to these other moms and I start to feel really shitty about myself. Wondering why I can’t seem to get a grip like them. Why can’t I get all the laundry done, or why am I late to every damn thing all the damn time and they are always early. I hate feeling like I am failing. Part of the reason I started this blog was because I wanted other moms to know that they aren’t alone. That they are okay EXACTLY as they are! And yet I have fallen into allowing myself to feel so judged and compared by these other moms. NO… I do not crochet and I can’t sew. I suck at cooking, …and I am a so-so house keeper. I really do try. I have 4 amazing beautiful kids and I can tell you that I love them with all that I am. So I suck a lot, …but when it comes down to it, …there is so much more to me than just a clean house. Actually I never have a clean house anymore so… But yeah! I am trudging, …I am failing right now….but it will be okay because I am still moving along and doing what I do!


So listen, …If you happen to be one of these folks that has it all figured out,…that can get up every day and run 5 miles and hand make all of your kids clothes, and grow all of your own food,…that is awesome. That is really awesome, ..but I would bet that you may have something in your life that you struggle with. So maybe give other mom’s a break!! Maybe back off a little with your “you should breastfeed, ..or you should only buy organic, …or you should do things like I do because I know everything”…crap! The truth is,…no one has it all figured out. Not one damn person. So stop it because you are making people feel bad, and even more you are creating a shit ton of  frenemy’s that in reality do not like you at all. There are NO rules!! Just ideas…   So be nice…






22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fearless Leader
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 13:05:58

    Here’s my Plan for Life: I hate everybody and everything equally. Plus I don’t give a shit.

    That’s always worked for me.

    As far as you go, ask those other bitches if they are The Official Vagina of ANYTHING! You. Fucking. Win!

    I love ya, Vag.


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:03:57

      Aww thank you so much Fearless Leader! I can’t tell how much this made me smile! I ❤ you so damn much my friend! And I Love being the official Vagina….I need a badge though. Like an Official Vagina badge so I look all professional ..and shit…


  2. Sofia Leo
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 13:25:48

    I’ve only ever done a couple of those “Mommy & Me” group things – the other moms didn’t react well to my eye rolling and comments like, “Ain’t gonna happen – I have a life!”

    Do what you do the best you know how and 20 years from now when your kids still love you, you will at last feel like a success in the parenting department. You can always be Super Grandma 🙂


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:05:52

      I love your responses…”Ain’t gonna happen….I have a life!”..hahaha… That is the perfect response!!! ❤ ❤ ❤


      • Sofia Leo
        Jun 14, 2014 @ 09:08:22

        I never bought into the idea that MY life ended when I gave birth. I did not sacrifice my identity for my son and I think he’s a better person for it – he understands the balance between individual and family and the need for parents to be something more than “Harley’s Mom.” God, that sounds like I’m a monster, but I don’t have any better words…I just think it’s creepy when parents live their lives through their kids and their entire universe revolves around whether or not Jimmy gets into the right pre-school.

      • Vagina
        Jun 16, 2014 @ 20:43:28

        I couldn’t agree with you more! You do not sound like a monster at all. I love my kids, but they are their own people and have their own journey to walk….I will always be here for them, ..but I do not want to live through them.

  3. isawbobdylaninaspeedo
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 17:04:50

    Omg. YOU HAVE FOUR KIDS. FUCK THOSE CRAZY BITCHES WHO THINK THEY ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. No one is. Everyone is. Enjoy your kids and have cake for dinner…your kids leave…your laundry NEVER does. Everyone will be jealous of your complete bliss. : ) Hang in there girl! !!!


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:08:33

      Can we get married?? Seriously,…I don’t think my husband will mind…. 😉 Thank you so much for this. Sometimes all you need to hear is Eat cake for dinner!!!! …It’s people like you that make all of it worth it. The folks that get it…and realize that we are all here doing the best we can ya know. I would do a mommy group with you any day. :)…just bring wine…


  4. isawbobdylaninaspeedo
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 17:09:00

    Ummm you don’t have an F. You have an A+++++++


  5. REDdog
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 19:34:01

    As long as hub isn’t joining in on the perfect mommy group shit you’re probably doing it right is what I reckon Vag. I don’t mean the usual stuff we who have been together forever (20years in Oct) have earned the right to have a go at each other about, I mean all that other vacuous crap that people seem to save up for their comparison meetings. Go at it like us blokes, Fearless Leader nailed it, hate ’em all equally. Love yer shit, as per.


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:11:59

      You got it REDdog!! You know exactly what I am talking about. You always get exactly what I am saying! Thanks for hanging out with me here!…we have to stick together against the idiots of the world. The problem is…there is soo damn many ya know…


  6. Lisa
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 20:40:12

    Vagina, I am going to put down my off-brand cheetos for a second so I can give you the slow clap.




    I hear you, Vagina. I hear you. I am not one of these mom that you refer to in this post. You and I are cut from the same cloth. Believe me, I would rather hang out with you than any of them any day. I’m just thinking about you on that field trip and those other moms not even realizing that they are sitting right next to the one and only Vagina, my awesome friend and blogging hero!!!! Heather, it’s a good thing that you aren’t allowed to grade yourself. However I CAN grade you, and I give you a big fat A++++. You are real and you find the funny in life even when it’s all just poop and nothing but poop. You don’t pretend it’s perfect when it’s poop. You call it poop and laugh about it. I think you’re a great mom. I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now, and I read between the lines. You can’t hide that you’re a great mom and a great wife too. It’s there between every line. You’re there for all of them every second Heather, and that’s what frickin counts! I feel like giving myself an F lately too but frickin frick that! We are A+ moms you and me and that’s the truth!!!! I’m sending you lots of hugs from one bad cook of a mom to another!!!! love you, Heather!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:18:56

      I don’t even know what to say other than I love you so much!!! We are definitely cut from the same cloth. It’s crazy because even though we live far apart and have not had the chance to meet in person yet, I know we were meant to be friends! You always get me! You know exactly what is coming from my heart and you see it. I know we are connected through this. As mother’s, wife’s, .and just fellow human beings on this planet trying to make it through the best we can. If we lived close, …you and I would have the BEST damn mommy group around!! There would be no judgy mcjudgerton’s aloud, …and there would be lots of chocolate and wine!!!

      I am thankful for you being brought to my life!~ ❤ ❤


  7. Lisa
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 20:59:04

    Oh, and can I add that you gave up one of your last days alone before summer vacation to go on a field trip with your kid???? The “perfect moms” would send their kids with a perfect, organic, homemade lunch in a crocheted lunch box and go shopping for a new Coach bag. That’s who gets the F, Vagina.

    See. Reading between the lines, Vagina. Reading between the lines.


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:20:47

      hahahaha…SEE…you do always get it!!! I HATE those field trips with a passion! And I may never know how to crochet,…but I can do a damn good Running Man! 😉


  8. Twindaddy
    Jun 12, 2014 @ 07:55:01

    I have always failed at life. Oh well…at least I’m laughing…most of the time.


    • Vagina
      Jun 13, 2014 @ 13:22:57

      YES Twindaddy,….I am right next to you laughing my ass off…most of the time…;) And maybe we are failing at life…or maybe LIFE is the one failing us…. See what I did there???… I don’t actually know what I did there…it just sounded really good so…..yeah…


  9. singlegirlie
    Jun 17, 2014 @ 00:00:38

    Girl, I don’t even have a kid and I can’t keep my shit straight. I really don’t know how ANY mom does it. Like, makes it through the day. So brava, you. You haven’t killed anyone. Yay!!


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