My Husband is a Whore…Part III

Okay so let me start this off by saying I have written 2 previous blog posts about my husband being a whore. You can read those Here and Here if you would like to. The truth is my husband is not a whore in the actual definition of a “whore.” I looked up the definition and it goes something like this:

 
Whore: a prostitute.

 
So I can honestly tell you my husband has never been a prostitute. I also have this thing where I think people get so worked up and weird over things that don’t matter in life. Like spending time worrying about a stupid word like whore. In reality the word means nothing. It only means something if you give it meaning. Now I am not saying that you should go around calling people whores because let’s face it…. that word comes with some very negative connotations. All I am saying is that if something like the word whore really upsets or offends you, maybe the best way to deal with it is instead of letting it tear you down, rise above the stupid word and realize that in reality it means NOTHING! It’s just a stupid word!

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So with that said…. I have called my husband a whore in my blog posts because I’m kidding and it’s funny. It doesn’t bother him because he knows I’m kidding. He also knows I have a tendency of being inappropriate and that my sense of humor is way the fuck off and kind of weird…. but he still chooses to hang out with me anyway.

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Back to why my husband is a whore part 3! The husband and I have been hanging out for something like 27 years now. That’s a long time. I like him…. and he’s fun to hang out with. He makes me laugh…. and he also drives me crazy!! We have had this on going debate about toilet paper and so I thought… you know what, I’m going to write about it because…well, that’s what I do!! The toilets in this house have a tendency of plugging up constantly. It’s like a thing around here and it makes me freakin nuts! I feel like half of my life is unplugging toilets. Every time a toilet is plugged and I say to him…”That toilet is plugged could you unplug it please?” His response is always the same “Well why do people keep using so much toilet paper?” Now listen…I just do not agree with this idea. I have kids,…and I get that they do things like stick a ton of toilet paper in the toilet just to do it…Kids do things sometimes! But the reality of the situation is that I am going to use the exact amount of toilet paper I need to take care of the job and that’s that!! If it ends up taking half the roll of toilet paper to take care of the situation I have at the time, then that is just how it’s got to be!!

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I can not understand this thing about telling people they use too much toilet paper. In my world…too much toilet paper is NOT A THING!!! Can you really use too much?? I mean…if you need it you need it! If the job is just not getting done with 3 squares, then you need to up the ante on that bitch and use more squares.

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When my husband says things like…”If people wouldn’t use so much toilet paper, then it wouldn’t plug so much!” …I just can’t get on board with that thought process. Sometimes the situation calls for more toilet paper.

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He will say…”The toilet never plugs when I use it!” Really??… Well I am not so sure that is a good thing my friend! Are you taking care of business down there??… Are you handling the situation with the proper amount of toilet paper needed?? ..
All I can say is….I am firm believer in using the exact amount of toilet paper needed to get the job done! If it happens to plug the toilet, then fuck the toilet because you know what,…the toilet is not the boss of me! the toilet doesn’t make the rules….I DO!!!

 

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sofia Leo
    May 20, 2014 @ 12:02:22

    Perhaps the problem isn’t the amount of toilet paper, but the toilet’s inability to flush the amount of paper you need to flush all at the same time? Double flushing might solve the problem…

    Reply

    • Vagina
      May 21, 2014 @ 16:50:54

      I have no problems with the double flush….I think it’s a good idea,…just as long as folks are using the proper amount of paper to handle the job…..because I am a firm believer in Poop hands being Not Cool!!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  2. Joy in Comfytown
    May 20, 2014 @ 14:14:19

    We had to get a mega flush toilet when my son started having all his friends here all the time. Its loud and POWERFUL, 4 yr old can’t flush it herself yet, but dude it NEVER CLOGS!
    Also buy the thin cheap toilet paper. And make the kids go outside!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      May 21, 2014 @ 16:53:16

      I think you may have solved all my problems here!!! Why didn’t I think of making the kids go outside! That is the BEST idea EVER!! I actually potty trained my son by having him pee in the yard but eventually we had to get him to stop because they don’t like the kids peeing on the trees at school. But they might as well poop outside too,..Maybe in the neighbors yard though…

      Reply

  3. Fearless Leader
    May 20, 2014 @ 14:57:52

    Introduce your family to John Wayne Toilet Paper – it’s rougher than hell and takes no shit.

    You’re welcome, Vag. πŸ˜€

    Reply

  4. fangboner1
    May 20, 2014 @ 16:24:11

    I need enough toilet paper to ensure that NOTHING touches my hand and if it does there will be screaming and immediate handwashing even with the pants still down.

    Wow and wow I am not used to such deep thoughts…Whore is just a word…its a word and you give it meaning…and also I adore Judy blume!!!

    Reply

  5. Vagina
    May 21, 2014 @ 16:55:32

    YES….I feel the same way about poop hands! They are just NOT COOL!!! I love Judy Blume! I read all her books when I was in grade school.

    Reply

  6. Lisa
    May 21, 2014 @ 20:36:10

    “The toilet is not the boss of me. The toilet does not make the rules, I do.” Vagina, that is beautiful. Do I have your permission to embroider that on a pillow? I agree with you. I am also a believer in getting the job done! If that upsets the toilet, well then so be it. The toilet works for me, I don’t work for the toilet. You keep it up, Vagina. Mr. Vagina will come around (let’s hope!).

    Reply

    • Vagina
      May 28, 2014 @ 09:21:25

      hahahaha.. I found your comment!!! YAAY!! And I am so glad I did because “The toilet works for me!” YES!!!! hahaha hilarious…and YES! see, …you get me! You can totally embroider that on a pillow, but you have to make a twinsies one for me too….;)

      Reply

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LOUISE ALLAN

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