Summer Fuckery~

Well folks, …it’s almost that time again. The time when the kids are going to be home EVERY DAMN DAY!! Now I am not saying I don’t like having my kids around every day,…but the truth is I don’t like having my kids around every day! ….Sometimes You just need a break ya know. There have been some mornings where they are arguing and fighting, and they won’t get dressed and didn’t finish the homework and all I keep thinking is, get them in the car and drop them off and you will be FREEEEE!! I know that sounds bad, and I don’t mean it like that…but I actually really do mean it like that. Kids suck sometimes. Which is why I am so thankful and grateful for my kids teachers. These people not only have to deal with my kids, but a whole classroom full of kids. An entire room full of  little people with their fingers up their noses and some of them actually eat what they pull out of their nose…(excuse me while I go puke for a minute).. and an entire room full of kids that possibly have any or all of these conditions…Lice/pink eye/puking flu/ diarrhea/ …and on occasion Pee Pants! So the truth is, these people are exceptional and if you haven’t thanked your kids teacher today,….you totally should! And maybe leave some wine….

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bc4ab0bd618a10915263c4d744a8fd2e of the things I love about having my kids home is being able to sleep in, and not have to get up and get dressed and all the stuff you gotta do. I know there are some awesome moms who still have to do that throughout summer because of their jobs and you ladies deserve lots and lots of wine!!! Being a mom is a hard job! Whether you work outside of the home or inside of the home…it’s still hard!



I have to be honest with you guys though…..I am OVER the field trips and class picnics now! For some reason this is the month of field trips and picnics and get togethers and I just don’t want to! I DON’T WANT TOO!!!

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The one thing about summer that I can honestly say I am not excited about is that whole camping thing that everyone wants to do all the time. Listen…if you like to go sit out on a 100 degree day under a tree and swat at mosquitoes then by all means…go for it. I happen to be one of those indoor type of people. I’m not really a fan of bugs and dirt, and no way to wash your hands after you shit over a log because there was no proper toilets around. That’s just me though. I am weak…it’s true! Camping for me is sitting on my porch,…so I guess I will be camping this summer.


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I am ready to sit on my back porch and put my feet in a blowup pool while simultaneously drinking iced tea that has been spiked with Vodka because…well….NO MORE SCHOOL!!! So the chances of needing to spike the iced tea are going to be at an all time high. I guess you could say this whole kid’s off for summer thing is kind of bittersweet. It’s like I will no doubt be drowning in laundry and dishes having these people around all the time, but at the same time….NO MORE making lunches and field trips. So…I say…BRING IT ON SUMMER! I am ready…..wait,….maybe I’m ready…,


A video for your entertainment!~




12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Twindaddy
    May 13, 2014 @ 11:36:00

    I don’t like summer…


  2. List of X
    May 13, 2014 @ 11:54:06

    Just make sure that your kids are drinking their ice teas, not yours, and you’ll probably be okay.


    • Vagina
      May 14, 2014 @ 09:24:38

      If they do end up getting the wrong ice tea,….it might not be too bad of a situation,. I mean they will probably just go to bed at a decent time… 😉 Okay, I’m just kidding,…..kind of kidding….


  3. Fearless Leader
    May 13, 2014 @ 12:26:32

    I am an Old Guy with 2 sons in their 30s and my 2 daughters are 11 & 7.

    My 7 year old is, shall we say, “active”. My 11 year old has two speeds: sloooooow and stop.

    Too bad I quit drinking. Dammit.

    However, I love my two little girls – especially with salt & mustard.


    • Vagina
      May 14, 2014 @ 09:26:42

      hahaha…..Fearless Leader, …I may have the same speed as your kiddo! sloooooow and stop….and oddly I too taste awesome with salt & mustard…..Maybe not!…;)


  4. Joy in Comfytown
    May 13, 2014 @ 16:03:52

    I went camping a couple times w my sister when my son was in the sweet spot of about 9-10 yrs old. It was ok bc my sister had all the equipment, but now that I have 3 kids? Fuck that noise!


    • Vagina
      May 14, 2014 @ 09:29:05

      Joy….I haven’t seen…or is it typed…to you in FOREVER!!! I miss you!!! I also am in complete and total agreement with you on the camping!….FUCK THAT NOISE!!!! Where oh where has my comfy friend gone…oh where oh where can she beeeeeee….. Try not singing it…I bet you can’t… 😉


  5. Lisa
    May 19, 2014 @ 05:02:51

    Okay, I am laughing my vagina off right now and BOY did I need it. Vagina, I will also be honest right now and say that I do NOT want my kids home every damn day!!! Talk about stress. I love those kids but 24/7 is a lot of kids and a lot of stress. And you know the folks I hang with right? So then you know they’re anti-vodka!!!! WHY!?!?!?!?! I don’t know how I’m going to make it through another kid filled, muggy, sticky, sweaty summer!!! Vagina, we’re in it together!!! xoxoxo p.s. Camping sucks ASS!!!!!


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