It’s that time of year again… the end of school time. The time when the kids have a million field trips to go on, and a ton of class picnics and I have to attend every single one! -_- There are also the kids choir concerts and end of school music programs that we have to attend or the kids will be all upset and never get over it!! I feel like I have been to a million and 3 music concerts for my kids this year. It seems like they have one for ever single occasion possible. Now listen, I think it is super cute that my kids learn some songs and get on stage and do a little number for all the parents…. but the truth is, if you have seen one, then you have seen them ALL!!! It’s true. After your second choir concert, trust me, you will be OVER it! They are all the same. A shit ton of people stuffed into a tiny gymnasium trying to watch their kids sing a song really badly that you have already heard them singing at home for the last month because they had to practice! Good Times!! I noticed the different types of folks that always attend these things, and I thought… eh, why not write about it! I couldn’t actually take in a deep breathe anyway due to the guy that was next to me because either he forgot to put deodarant on or he just chooses not to wear it. So instead of breathing, I jotted down notes about the different people at kid’s school music concerts. So here ya go:
There is the new parent of the baby: This is the parent that has their baby in the stands with them and they figure what better time to coo and tickle their infant, nibble their feet and bite at their belly, while expecting you to admire how cute their adorable little bundle of joy is! Babies are cute… I totally get it… I have a few myself. But sitting in the stuffy hot stands pressed up against a thousand other parents… I have lost my ability to see the cute in ANY damn thing! Also, I might be a bit jealous that they can use their baby as an excuse to leave early if it fusses… Whatever.
There is the “actually interested” parent: They sit with super intensity and all focus on their child. Their hand on chin with super focus! They refuse to seem bored, nodding their head the whole time as if the music is touching their very soul to the core. It’s not like we are listening to Mozart here.
There are the folks with the death glare: You make eye contact with them and they are GRUMPY!!! You don’t want to be there either, but at least you are trying to put on a happy face so as to not show your complete and utter hatred of sitting in those stands. Yes, you are dying from the inside out, but at least nobody is aware of your withering hopes and dreams. But these folks… they don’t even try to fake happiness. They are friggin pissed off at having to sit there and every damn person is going to know it!!! They want to GO HOME NOW!!! or at least to Starbucks…
There is the talker: You know who you are!! The same folks that talk during a movie in the theater. You talk through the whole damn thing, which is fine considereing most people probably aren’t even listening to the singing… but your talking is worse than the actual singing that is happeneing. So, you know what song they are singing? Good for you. Oh, you helped your kid practice everyday? Good for you. You tried to make tacos for dinner last night but the beans burnt and so you had to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch again just to have the dog eat the next batch of beans? Good for you? Crap, I don’t know how to respond. Just shut up and listen to the chorus of dying moose we are all so proud of.
There is the “I Know everybody” person: Before the concert even starts this person sits near the entrance always watching everyone who comes in so they don’t miss anyone that they might know. They spend most of the music concert waving and mouthing things to other people. Maybe changing seats to get even closer to all the people that they know. After the show they are still hanging around even after all the kids have left and most people have left, ..but there they are still chatting away with all the folks they know. They are sooo popular… Let me just say, bragging about how many people you know is not actually impressive. I know my dog pretty damn well, do I somehow seem cooler now?
There are the folks that see life through a lens: They spend the entire concert watching the concert through the lens of a phone or video camera. They may end up making their way to the front of the gymnasium because they are worried about missing something… yet they pretty much have missed the whole thing. But at least they get to watch it later on a screen the size of my toe nail… because that sounds better than experiencing it in real life. And can we just be honest for a minute… how many people ACTUALLY go back and re-watch kid concerts?? yeah… like none..
There is the texter: They spend the whole time texting someone… .anyone…. just as long as no one talks to them… and they don’t have to engage in anything… then all is well!
There is the nodding off person: They start out with great intentions… watching the kids sing “row, row, row your boat gently down the stream”… but by the time they get to “merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… life is but a dream”…their eyes are shut! They repeatedly try and open them back up and listen to more of the song… but theycan’t help it, that lullaby is too much for them, and those kids sweet voices are singing them into slumber land! In the end, this person becomes entertainment for bored neighbors who find his head bobbing amusing.
You have the early person: They were the first person in the gymnasium. They wanted a good seat and they were not going to take any chances . So they were actually there before they had even set up the overflow chairs. Sitting smack dab right in the middle of the gymnasium at the very perfect spot with a big smile like… Too bad bitches…Early worm gets the bird…or something like that…
You also have the late person: The one that barely made it out the door and can not find a parking spot to save their life because they are all taken. Finally they have to park way down the street and walk the length of the Sahari desert to get to the school. They arrive in the gymnasium and the kids have already started singing “row, row,row your boat.” They look in the stands and see some folks nodding off, and some folks with their video cameras, a few people that have angry faces, and someone texting on their phone. Even the overflow chairs are all taken up so they end up standing on the wall in the back of the gym and they can’t even see their kid the entire time. So they spend the whole concert checking out other people so they can write a blog post about it later…
A video for you~