YOU are dead to me…

Check it out!~

Ooops, I Said Vagina... Again..

If I sit down at a restaurant and I ask for coffee, and you bring me decaf…You are dead to me.


If I am in the grocery store buying 2 or “more” bottles of Vodka, and 2 or “more” containers of Ben & Jerry’s, and you ask if I am having a party… then you are dead to me! This is a normal night bitch! Don’t judge…

If I am walking to my car, and you look over the fence to inform me about how high my grass is getting, then you are dead to me.


Blankets that are too short, when you pull them up over your shoulders, and your feet poke out… they are dead to me. I wanted a blanket, not a napkin.

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If you sneeze without covering within a 1/2 mile radius of where I am… Dead to me.

When I am walking by a door…

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An Open Letter to Facebook!~

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An open letter to Facebook:

Oh the memories we have had Facebook. So many! Too many for me to remember. Especially as I get older, my memory gets worse and worse,…but that’s not a problem for you is it? You remember everything. Every moment, every picture, every like that was ever liked.


The other day I was thinking back to when it all started. The moment I decided to click on that blue sign that says Log in, sign up, or learn more. Well, of course I hit the sign up button. I was ready. I knew I could handle it! You see, ..before you Facebook, I was on Myspace. I would get on Myspace and put really colorful cool backgrounds on my page, and I would even post my favorite tunes. Myspace was really into music and videos, so every day I was able to post a new song for all the folks that would visit my page. Every week or so, I would change my background, depending on how I was feeling that day. GOOD TIMES!!



Then came you Facebook. A few friends of mine had moved over to you, and told me all about you. So I decided to give you a try. I clicked on the sign up button and my life was changed forever. Eventually I stopped using Myspace all together and you and I became exclusive.

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Do you know how long we have been together Facebook?? Do you?? Of course you do because YOU remember everything. According to my timeline that you created for me, we have been together since august of 2007! WOW!! That’s 7 long years. It doesn’t seem like it has been that long. It still feels so new sometimes. That could be because since the very beginning YOU keep changing on me. No matter how faithful I am to you, I never know from one day to the next exactly how you are going to be. You are so damn temperamental anymore! You have become unstable! There was a time when I felt that I knew you..I really knew you inside and out, but those days are gone. I just never know one day from the next what I am going to see when I open you up.

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You still have the best memory. I mean, you remember that time in 2009 when I tried to make lasagna? Oh…that was a bad idea wasn’t it!? I took the picture of how bad it turned out and then posted about how I can’t cook. It got some likes…and we all had a good laugh. If  it wasn’t for you Facebook, I would have never remembered that. Or the time when I was driving and my coffee spilled all down the front of me because of the mofo in front of me slamming on their brakes for a fucking bird. YOU are the only reason I even remembered that!! I’m not as young as I used to be, and my memory is not as sharp as it once was. You are always here to remind me though Facebook!


The thing is…I just don’t know who you are anymore. It’s like half the time you are drunk and the other half you are on crack. Our relationship used to be so easy. I could get on, see some stuff that someone posted about something random and like it if I wanted to. You have taken that option away from me now. I have liked pages and you won’t even allow them to be in my newsfeed. Why do you even call it a newsfeed if you are not going to feed me with the daily news! The reason I liked those pages to begin with is because I wanted to see the daily shenanigans from them. In the beginning, you let ME choose. You let me decide what I liked and didn’t like. Those days are gone. You have become so controlling. Telling me what I Like and don’t like, and not showing me anything that I want to see. It’s not fair!! I feel like you want to control me rather than just be with me.



I have always remained faithful to you. I never went back to Myspace and I certainly never even tried any other sites. You were enough for me. You were always enough for me. Friends tried to get me on Twitter, and they told me how awesome it was to tweet. But I wouldn’t budge! No way could I cheat on my precious Facebook. So many have flocked to Instagram, but not me…I still have remained faithful through it all and kept my selfies on Facebook! I have even re-used my profile pictures because last month my camera broke and I have not been able to take any new pictures. Still though…I am here….liking random posts and pictures, posting about what my kid said in the car on the drive home yesterday, I even engaged in a political rant the other day. But that was just because it turned into a fight and I was bored.

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Anyway…the point I am making is that before you Facebook…I was on Myspace with my random thoughts. And before Myspace, my random weird thoughts had no where to go but float around in my crazy head! For that Facebook, I will always be grateful to you. Although there are things that I wish you would just forget!! Like why do you have to remember every damn thing I ever said EVER!!!


The thing is Facebook…you have changed! AGAIN! Like you keep changing on me…I never know what to expect anymore with you. I’m hurt ya know. You cut me deep Facebook!! I trusted you…then you changed, then changed again, and again, ..then you did it again! and again…but more than the changing, is the fact that you have become a tyrant! A tyrannical dictator of sorts telling me what I like and forcing me to view things I don’t want to see, but also keeping the things I want to see away from me! I’m over this!! I have been faithful to you, but NO MORE!! Instagram has a new member!! It hurts me to say that Facebook, but until you stop this nonsense of forcing me to like things I don’t actually like, then we can’t hang out. I mean…I will still visit. I will manually like some things, and comment here and there,…but NO more selfies are happening until you get it together. I can’t post them anyway because my camera is still broken but that is beside the point!! Pull it together Facebook!! When you started, you catered to the narcissistic, pretentious type, but now…it’s all about YOU isn’t it!! Well get over it!! Everything is not always about YOU!!



Sharing is caring my friends! Share away…




If you are a parent, then I would guess that you have heard the song “Let it go” from Frozen at least 5 million and 3 times by now. I know I have…..wait a minute….make that 5 million and 4 times now.  -_-  I know that many of you are so sick of that song you can’t even stand another second of it. I actually really like the song and I haven’t become completely pukey about it yet! …but I can feel the time of pukesville drawing near. When I first heard the song I was like, yeah…let it go! Let your inner music shine and all that really great, inspirational stuff. Now though…I have heard it so many times that I can’t help but think of that song in the most random of times and for the most random of things. If you really stop and think about it, you can use that song for so many different situations. I have compiled some situations in which that song works perfectly for. Sometimes it helps in life to just make the shit that is happening into a song. So here ya go, Situations that “Let it Go” can apply to:


You are sitting in your car in the middle of traffic and all of a sudden those tacos you had for lunch decide they are ready for an exit. The problem is….you are sitting in the middle of traffic and it doesn’t look as if it is letting up anytime soon! So you try and talk yourself out of it. That doesn’t work. Then you try and do the shake your butt back and forth dance hoping it keeps you from having to sing the “I shit my pants song!”  Doesn’t work! So you start praying….even if you are not religious at all…you have instantly become spiritual because you are now praying to anybody that will listen from up above. You squeeze with everything you got, and once you finally make it to the toilet at this moment you can sing “Let it Go” with all your might and really mean it! Side note – Why is it that when you have to go to the bathroom so damn bad, and you are racing for the toilet, every step you get closer to the toilet makes you have to go even worse?




Another variation of the bathroom situation where you can use that song is when you are in a public restroom, and you need to go, but there is a person in the stall next to you. I bet they are in the same predicament and also want to let it go. So you kind of are at a stale mate at this point because both of you are waiting for the other one to finish up and leave so you can “let it go!” …Just sing…..sing loud enough so that when you actually let it go,…all they hear is singing. They will appreciate it as well, …especially if they are stuck waiting for you to leave. Maybe they will start singing with you. Side note- Dudes don’t really get this either. They don’t seem to have that thing about noises coming from the bathroom stalls….actually I think they enjoy those noises…




It’s been a long day! You finally made it home and all you want to do is relax! At this point…it’s time to take off your bra and set the girls free! As you are taking off your bra, it is a great time to sing “Let it go!” It makes the whole experience so much more gratifying! Dudes don’t get this one either!





When you are in a public place and you drop your food! Trust me on this….you need to sing the song “Let it go” and then actually just “let it go!” I know sometimes it’s hard to do that….especially if you dropped something really good, but at this point…just let it go!



When you step on the scale after a weekend of binge eating! Look up and start singing “Let it go!”




You go to the same coffee place everyday. And every day you order the same thing. Yet, every day they get your order wrong! EVERY DAY!! Walk up to the counter and look the girl directly in the face. Serenade her….Sing as loud as your voice can go!..” Let it go….let it go, can’t hold it back anymore….Let it go, let it go…turn away and slam the door..” and then walk out!

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You walk by the sink and the dishes are billowing out just staring at you and making you feel like you are bad at cleaning the house! Give the dishes your middle finger and start singing… “Let it go!”



The same applies to the laundry in the washing machine that you have to keep washing because you forget about it and it now smells like death! Or the laundry in the dryer that you keep restarting because you don’t want to fold it! Just sing my friends… sing…”Let it go!”


You’re in the store and you see something you really, really want. You pull out your wallet and realize that your wallet contains a receipt from Walmart for a bra and Ben and Jerry’s that you bought last week, and some lint! Well, that’s not going to work is it. So as you walk away sing as loud as you possible can..”Let it go”….people will stare….but let them! …just keep singing, just keep singing,..just keep singing singing singing what do we do..we sing, sing , sing….And even though you might have considered for a very brief moment of pocketing can NOT do that!


Next time you are in a fight with someone, it doesn’t even matter who it is, start singing at them. As they are trying to “make their point” to you….start singing slowly. They might say..”what?? what are you doing?” …that’s when you let it out! Go all Mariah Carey on the mofo and LET IT GO!!! Keep singing until they just walk away…YOU WIN!!



It’s 2:00 in the morning, and your are woken up by the feel of something wet and warm running down your body. You wonder for a minute if you are dreaming. Then you wonder if you actually just pissed yourself! The reality of it is that your 2 year old who is “mostly” potty trained…except at night of course….took off their pull up because THEY ALWAYS DO THAT…and then climbed into bed with you and pissed on you! Why??…who the fuck knows why!! All I know is that it’s 2 in the damn morning and I have piss on me. I have a decision to make here. Do I get up and change the sheets and change all the clothes and do all the stuff, or do I just Let it go! Yep…you guessed it right…I’m sleeping in the piss and singing myself back to sleep…”Let it GO”…I’m fucking tired..



A video my friends:..


Why are You so Fat??!!~




What a messed up world we live in. We all know it, deep down. Some may try to ignore it, others are out there changing it, but most of us, let’s be honest, rant about it. A good rant now and again can be helpful, to those hearing it and those saying it. My rant of choice? Obesity.

I was watching an episode of the wonderful television series House, one of my family’s favorite shows. The victim, always presented within the first five minutes of the show, was a ten-year-old little girl, an overweight outcast among her fellow gym students. She had no friends, was teased a lot, and suffered from serious self loathing regardless of her mother’s love and acceptance of her. It was the set up for a serious sob story.

As the doctor’s scrambled to figure out what was wrong with her, their opinions of the girl’s weight became clear. One doctor thought the girl needed understanding and compassion, while the other thought fat-shaming would do more good. This isn’t even what bugged me. All the doctor’s in the show say their opinions, argue about them, and sometimes their opinions are harsh. What bugged me was the ending. The little ten-year-old girl ended up having a medical issue that resulted in her weight gain. With one risky surgery, she would be back to normal, and even better, she would lose weight. What a happy ending, right? The little girl got to be thin after all. The fat-shaming doctor even complimented her.

As I said earlier, I love House, it is a great show, but is this really a good ending? It means that the writer or writers of the show sat down and thought, “What would be the happiest ending for this episode?” And the answer was that the girl became thin, just like everybody else. Wait a second, how is that the happy ending? Did she learn that she was fine the way she was? No. Did she learn that outward appearance is worth nothing if you aren’t a good person? No. Did the fat-shaming doctor learn to be more understanding? Nope. At least the mother in the show said that she was always fantastic, which was nice, but lost amongst the crap.

Now that you readers have an understanding of the episode, let me dig deeper. Those that think the chubby, the overweight, and the full-on fat people are gross or messed up, or think that fat-shaming is a solution to it all, I want to present you with some history. In early America, this country enslaved African Americans, and treated them horribly. Why? Because their skin was different. Within the same country, the supposed “land of the free”, women weren’t allowed to be educated, or allowed to vote. Why? Because they didn’t have penises. Better yet, let me bring up a really tough topic: Hitler. Oh yes, I am going there. Hitler and his brainless followers dubbed the Jewish people to be ugly. Dark hair or a slightly protruding nose were seen as wrong.

I love that we all look back at those times and think, “Ha! How stupid people were! We are soooo much more sophisticated now!” But, are we? Has anything changed? Those were cases of discrimination, and for the most stupid of reasons. Discrimination is still here, still present in so many ways. We haven’t evolved, not in the least. The only thing that’s different about us is that we have a long, long list of history to look to for advice, and we are ignoring it. Now how smart do you feel?

We shouldn’t be paying so much attention on how others look, it’s just ridiculous. When I was a kid, I was very, very shy. And, when I picked a friend, it wasn’t based on size, shape, color or whatever. I chose a friend if the person was nice to me. That’s it. It shouldn’t be any different when you grow up.

Oh, and though there are fat-shamers, there is another group that needs mentioning. The Falsely Concerned. These are the people that claim they say such rude things out of concern for the person’s health or well-being. Mm, yeah, no, I call bullshit. You are not concerned about the Hollywood celebrity that gained weight after her baby. You are not concerned for the plus size model in the photo shoot. And you certainly aren’t concerned for a stranger that you meet on the street. What you are doing is trying to make yourself feel better and more important by forcing your unwanted words into our ear canals or into our retinas. By sitting on your high horse of healthy foods, you’re acting like you’ve never tried a twinkie. Be serious, you were a kid once, you have had a fudging twinkie. Your bowels and lower intestines still stink, and what you put in the toilet is still shit, though it’s hard to tell the difference between that and what’s coming out of your mouth.

I think my rant just got weird… Anyway, the main thing I am trying to convey is that fat-shaming is wrong. Shaming of any sort is wrong. Our children should want to become scientists, or veterinarians, or chefs. Our children should want a better happily ever after than being thin.



This Guest Blogger sure does know how to rant! Well,…she learned from the best!  She got it from her Momma!! 🙂 This is the daughter of Vagina….literally if you think about it….

A video~

My Guest is super Bitchy!~ GUEST BLOGGER



Who’s ready for a rant?… I thought so. Though, I don’t want to disappoint all you loyal Vagina readers out there, but this is not she. The voice you are hearing (words you are reading?) is that of Vagina’s sister. I am not going to try to come up with a clever nick name involving a body part. That conversation could get awkward… though I am fairly sure that my lovely sister would not shy away from the challenge. But if you guys are watchers of her videos (which, if you’re not, you totally should be!!! Do it now!) I am the “Creeper” found in the Shopping with Vagina’s Mom video that took place at Goodwill. Some background detail…. The Goodwill associates kept asking me if I was going to buy what I was wearing, except all of that: the sunglasses, the poncho, the hat are all mine and are currently sitting in my closet. So, go watch the video and come back and know how cool the person is you are listening (reading?) to is.


So, I told my sister quite sometime ago I would do a guest blog for her. She and I both share the same annoyances with social media. Much of what you have read or watched of her talking about Facebook spawns from conversations we seem to have on a regular basis. The rants got more frequent when she started this blog and I became a Communication major. (So, side note: The only reason the rants got more frequent for her is because she now spends much more time on social media hobnobbing with other bloggers, whom she loves. And she LOVES all her readers. But you must relate in that after so many hours on Face Book you start to get a little twitchy.) I am little more hardcore in that I REALLY hate all forms of social media yet am still an active user of it…and I hate myself. I have the FB app on my phone and I use it during times of boredom (generally during class, it’s a problem). But there is never anything interesting on there. I try to delete it, once went 6 months without it, but something always brings me back. But now to connect all this to why being a Communication Major has made my hate stronger.


The study of Communication (not CommunicationS) is the study of how people relate to other people. So, romantic relationships, work place interactions etc… One of my favorite subjects I have come across is that of friendships. I think it is because I finally knew that what I was feeling when it came to my friendships was completely normal. I am one of these people that has had a lot of other people come in and out of her life but only considers very FEW of them friends, the rest are close acquaintances. That sorta means that my friendships are some of the closest relationships I have to my heart and when they end I find my heart breaks much like someone else’s might when a romantic relationship ends. Social media has made more people experience this type of “friendship breakup”. Hold on now before you go disagreeing… let me make my case.


Years and years of studies have shown that the ending of romantic relationships is suppose to naturally end with a final cut off point. A time when both partners can look at a moment and say “yeah, that’s when we broke up.” Friendships naturally act differently. They slowly disintegrate without much notice. You may note not calling or texting them as much but if it doesn’t end in a huge fight, they usually just float away. But when you look back at the friendship, though it has ended, you usually don’t look back with bad memories. Think of your best friends during High School. Now take the fact that they are your Facebook friend out of the picture. Are they active in your life? Do you make phone calls checking up on their lives? Do your kids know them and associate them with you? When something big happens, are they on the top of your list of people to distinctly tell? (And not just the recipients of a FB status?)… If not, then they aren’t actively your friend. They are a past friend. Now don’t feel bad, it’s totally ok and NATURAL. This is how they are suppose to work. But with the introduction of social media and new technologies into our lives these relationship (or more accurately the ending of them) has changed. And I think for the worst.


I started my Facebook when was in high school. The group of people I had on there are a completely different group than I have now, with very few exceptions. But most people collect friends on FB as they go. In real life you may have stopped seeing this person but you still get their status updates and pictures of their lives on your newsfeed. This constant connection to a person that you were once close with but have naturally grown apart from can be hurtful to yourself. The friendship has not been allowed to disappear and take its proper place in your life as a lovely memory. It is instead thrown in your face day after day, however long you let that relationship go… even if you didn’t mean to or even if you did. Because now you have to officially end the relationship and create a cutting off point. You must DELETE them from your online life… and many of us don’t have the balls (Vagina? Yeah, I think my sister would prefer to use the term vagina for the strongest part of any human body) We don’t have the Vaginas do it. But, I finally did mine justice and started deleting people. However, its amazing how many people must check their friend lists on an hourly basis and I started getting friend requests back immediately. It’s the real world equivalent of finally closing your door on a person who barely knew it was open and then having them run up and start knocking and ringing your doorbell to let them in again. For a person like me (and I think most people who’ve actually done this) that is heart breaking.


This can be translated to Twitter and Instagram… you have to make the conscious choice to stop following the social media lives of this person and to cut them off from yours. Even cellphones have had their hand in this. We now have the lovely technology to transfer all the numbers and pictures and apps from our old phone to our new ones. Have you ever gone through your contact list and made a note of how many numbers you NEVER use anymore, of people you don’t talk to anymore? When I was young, I memorized the numbers of my best friends and if you weren’t my best friend anymore I didn’t call you as much and my brain would naturally forget your number. We are forced to watch the lives of people we once considered close. If your anything like me…its not always fun. Some people’s stories make me sad. I hate seeing where their lives are going. Or something about them made me want to get their negative influence out my life but there was no need to tell them directly… because they had mostly forgotten about me too but somehow they notice and force you to keep that negativity on your newsfeed. Or (most heart breaking) people I was terribly close with and am no longer in their actual lives and I see it moving and it makes me happy that they’re happy… but I MISS them. And if I didn’t have to see it every time I got on FB, I would think back and nostalgically miss them but now I actively miss them and its hard.


This effect of social media on our friendships has not had a lot of research done about it (In fact, I was told to go to grad school and study it… but at this point it will be a cold day in hell before I walk back into the education system again… OK, that’s a rant for a different day!!) But I can tell you it is annoying and sad and hard… but yet I still engage. I try to keep my friend list trim and only keep people in which I talk to currently or believe I will talk to again for one reason or another. But there are a couple that are there cause they just keep sending friend requests back or because I just don’t have the Vagina to do it… because I still love them and sometimes wish to see these people again even though I know I probably won’t. So, there it is. My BIGGEST complaint about social media. It’s annoying and I’ll probably delete it again… and then bring it back again. Its freaking addicting! But just so you know, if you’re feeling any of these ways, so is everybody else. But since none of us are getting rid of our profiles and twitter feeds, how about we all agree to stop posting political and religious rants, A different selfie everyday, Talking about how terrible your life is, or how absolutely amazing it is…Oh, and most importantly, no more TROLLING!… Or how about you just go and watch Vagina’s videos about people on Facebook and try not to be THOSE people. And thanks for listening to our rants! I look forward to your interesting and thought provoking comments 😉 (PS I only care about interesting and thought provoking comments.)


Here is the video that my super bitchy Guest Blogger is in! Check it out!~ What a creeper…;)



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