Shit we do for our Kids!!!…

Having kids can suck sometimes! Not all the time…but sometimes. This does not mean I don’t love my kids okay. I do, but they can drive me absolutely 3 sides of crazy!! They can be real jerk faces sometimes. I guess we all can….but it’s worse when they came from your vagina and you let them suck on your tits so they wouldn’t die, and you do all this crap for them and they turn around and act like buttholes!! There are things that I do for my kids, that I never in my life thought I would have to do. EVER!! I never thought I would be wiping someone else’s ass other than my own. I never thought I would have to clean shit out of the crevices of my minivan because someone painted with their own shit inside of it. I never thought I would have actually been puked on straight in my mouth. I never thought I would have been pissed on in my bed, and just decide to sleep in it because I am too tired to get up. Well,…that last one I might have thought about….Vodka can make you do some crazy things!! 😉

download (5)

Anyway….as a mom of four…one of the things I can not stand and have never been able to stand is playdates!! I HATE them!! Maybe despise them is a better word. Why you ask?? I am not a social person. I do not join mommy groups and hang out in the mommy circles. When I had my first child, I did all the getting together with other moms bullcrap and realized how much I hate it. The problem is, I have these kids that always want to “get together” with their friends. Which means I have to “get together” with the parents. And I DO NOT want to get together!! I want to stay home and sit on my couch and watch re-runs.  I have no desire to sit for 3 hours with someone I barely know and try to come up with boring shit to talk about so my kid can sit in a room with another kid and fight about legos! Then when the kids start fighting, I’m dealing with this mom over here that thinks it’s all my kid’s fault. It probably is…but that’s beside the point. The point is, I didn’t want to be there anyway, and here I am looking at their stupid face, and I would rather be anywhere else.



I know I sound like a complete asshole, but as I have said so many times before..I am an asshole. Just a really sensitive one. I am not so asshole..ish that I would tell the mother of this person I hate her face, but I really just don’t want to sit here and listen to her talk anymore.


I would rather wipe 20 assess than have to sit for 3 hours so my kid can play/argue with some other kid, and have to deal with hanging out with people I have NO desire to hang out with. I do not want to get together with scrapbooking mommy bullshit! I did that!! I AM OVER IT!! It is not fun listening to the constant one upping of mom’s and listening to the “my kid does this and that better” and judging, judging, judging. I am  OVER IT!!



Then you always have that one family….you know the one, that has the hoarding house and all the animals living in it, and you have NO IDEA who the parents are or what is going on, but of course THAT is the house that YOUR kid wants to go to ALL THE TIME!!! And they bug you and bug you constantly. “Can I go to joe’s house?…PLEASEEEEE, why can’t I go?” I want to say, because that is the nastiest house I have ever seen, and the parents scare the fuck out of me….but I can’t say that to my kid. Yet they won’t stop friggin bugging me about it. Instead I lie my ass off about reasons my kid can’t go to joe’s.


Here’s the thing… why do we need to get our kids together for playdates anyway? Why do I have to deal with some shmuck I would never ever talk to because my kid wants to play with their kid. Play dates were not a thing when I was growing up. It was called go outside! Now the truth is my parents had no fucking clue where we were most of the time. We handled the playdate bullshit on our own. I went door to door of my friends houses and asked if they could play. It was either a yes or no.


I realize this is coming off as selfish. And it is selfish I guess.  It’s more because I don’t want to have to hang out with people. Just because my kid likes some kid, doesn’t mean I am going to like the parents of that kid. Just because I have kids, doesn’t mean I have any desire to do all that mommy crap. I don’t want to go to birthday parties and baby showers. I just don’t!! Does anybody really even remember their birthday parties as a kid. I mean do they? I have had the big birthday parties for my kids, and I can tell you my oldest daughter who is now 22 can’t even remember the damn little mermaid party I spent 300 dollars on putting together for her. I went all out, and made it a big shindig, and she doesn’t even remember it. That cake looked like the fucking ocean and it had a mermaid coming out of it. How do you forget that!!


Oh well…I guess add it to the list of “shit we do for our kids!!”

 I haven’t made a new video in a few weeks due to the “People of My Vagina!”  They just keep asking for things…like “Mom, I’m hungry,…or MOM I need to go to school!” Crap like that…..So here is an older video that I made and you can check it out if you like!! Have a great day!

Kumbaya Motherfuckers!~


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. samantha
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 10:38:17

    I love you so much fellow whovian! smart vagina!


  2. Joy in Comfytown
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:34:11

    Oh I hear that! My kid was the spazzy ADHD kid so luckily when I would suggest that lil Joe or whoever come to OUR house, the parents would jump on it. Yeah that’s like free babysitting but we didn’t have a whole check of a lot of time so it wasn’t all that often.


    • Vagina
      Mar 11, 2014 @ 20:00:10

      I have had people drop their kids off here and not come back for like 5 hours. I’m sitting here like Dude….your kid!! O.O haha I have never been a fan of the “playdate” thing. My kids always seem to find the friends that have the weirdest parents. Why can’t they find someone normal that I have to be forced to talk to. The truth is….I’m the weirdo. They are the normal ones! 😉


  3. El Guapo
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:47:10

    Teach (bribe) your kids to be very well behaved so the parents will be ok with you leaving them there without your supervision.
    Then, let the chaos explode!



    • Vagina
      Mar 11, 2014 @ 20:02:17

      El Guapo….do you see why I am drawn to your Genius!…You really are a GENIUS! That is the perfect plan. You know your stuff man!! Now it’s just figuring out how to get them to act well behaved until i can get out the door….;)


  4. REDdog
    Mar 13, 2014 @ 01:37:15

    That last meme? I get that a lot! Love your shit Vaj


  5. apleasanthouse
    Mar 17, 2014 @ 11:25:41

    Just wait until the little shits become big shits and they want you to meet the parents of their significant others. It will make playdates look like child’s play- because it was. Oh boy….


    • Vagina
      Mar 18, 2014 @ 09:24:24

      Oh geez…I didn’t even think of that!!! It sounds AWFUL!! haha I don’t even want to think about it. If one of my kids brings home some twatwaffle, and starts saying they LOVE them….then you have to have them over for dinner and crap! ah man….You’re right…playdates are child’s play next to that! Think of Christmas’s….Well shit!!!


  6. Lisa
    Mar 17, 2014 @ 21:14:26

    What’s up, Vagina?!?!?!? Great post! my kids are killing me lately. I am soooo stressed. Vagina, am I a terrible mom? I’ve NEVER given any of my kids a birthday party!!!! Like I do the family thing with cake and some prezzies and some general chaos and what-have-you, but we’ve never ever done a friend party! And guess what: no plans to ever do one! I am also notorious for forgetting to RSVP to all the parties that the kids get invited to and then I have to avoid all the moms around town (bonus). I’m sorry, I just can’t go to a laser tag party every single frickin saturday of my life!!!! HOWEVER, this saturday I did take my daughter to a birthday party at a chocolate factory and we got a tour and all the samples we could eat!!! NOW we’re talking!!!! Vagina, if you can dig up a picture of that mermaid cake I would seriously pay to see it. It sounds crazy and fabulous!!! Sorry she doesn’t remember it!!!! LOVE that video, Vagina!!!! And of course I love YOU!!!!!


    • Vagina
      Mar 18, 2014 @ 09:29:48

      Oh Lisa…I COMPLETELY understand what you are going through. I actually haven’t been able to do ANYTHING for the last month. First it was sick kids all the time, and then I was sick, and the husband was doing a job change so things were all jacked up around here. I haven’t been able to make a new video or even write anything or do anything. My house is falling apart and at this point I would rather move than clean it!! I have another kid home sick from school today and I am certain the school will be calling me and telling me she is not welcome back because she has missed so many damn days! what am I suppose to do though ya know. She’s sick!! They get all pissy when the kids miss school. It’s not like I want them here either!! 😉 I truly feel like I am losing control of everything at this point. Who am I kidding….I never had CONTROL anyway! The damn dog is the one with all the control around here!!! Okay…it’s official….I’m losing it….


      • Lisa
        Mar 18, 2014 @ 22:01:47

        Oh Vagina, you and me = true love 4-ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get you soooooo well. My husband changed jobs recently too and it’s craaaaaazy. I had a smidge of control for about 6 months, and then I decided to have another babe and ever since the shit has just been hitting the fan on regular intervals each day, everyday. I do not want to clean one more damn thing. It’s just going to get trashed tomorrow and I just want to watch my shows and eat milanos on the couch and just enjoy letting myself go, no one bother me!!! And I can’t take another sick kid, please. And I don’t want to be sick, either. No more sick!!! Oh the doctor found a murmur in my heart the other day and goes, let’s do an ecco, just to make sure. MAKE SURE OF WHAT?!?!?!? I am freaking out!!!! I said, Will I LIVE??? And she’s like, ya, sure, don’t worry. I just want to check. OKAY, so that means you want to CHECK to make sure I’ll LIVE!!!! Freaking out here, Vagina. Freaking out. Send me a cyber hug, I need one!!! Love you, Vagina!!!! Hang in there!!!xoxoxox

      • Vagina
        Mar 19, 2014 @ 09:10:55

        I am sending a million cyber hugs to you!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ I know exactly what your feeling girl! My daughter was born with a heat murmur. They did all the tests and ecco stuff. She is 13 now and she still has it. They said it was an "innocent" murmur but what does that even mean?? They still check her periodically, but she has done fine with it. They said it was like a whistling noise in the heart. Possibly a hole. I remember thinking if there is a hole in my kid's heart that does not seem good to me. A lot of folks actually have murmurs and sometimes never even know it. I am so glad they found it!! But I know exactly what you are saying. They say something like that to you and expect you to not freak the frick out!!! A few years ago I had an infected gall bladder and became really sick. The infection entered my bloodstream and it was a bad deal. I literally had just made it to the hospital because my blood was toxic from the infection. I was sooo sick! They did an emergency surgery to remove it and all I could think about was my babies. I was like…if I die, what about my babies. I had never been so scared in my life. I recovered and everything was fine, but DAMN….I hated that feeling of having no control over something like that. It was very scary. You just hang in there Momma…you are going to be wonderful!! You have those beautiful babies for a reason. That's what kept me going. Right now I am sending so so many hugs to you!! ❤ ❤ I love you my dear friend!

  7. Lisa
    Mar 19, 2014 @ 12:10:05

    Vagina, you made me cry! You are the best, I really love you!!! Thanks so much, your words mean soooo much to me, and so does your friendship!!! xoxoxo You really understand exactly how I feel!!! HugsHugsHugsHugs!!!!!


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