Facebook Fuckery… part II

 

bitchfest

This is the second part of the Facebook fuckery post. It is SUPER bitchy. Maybe even more bitchy than the last one. I am going to write an entire post about braggy moms. Maybe this is more of a vent. To get this off my chest. Nothing in this world is more annoying than a braggy mom. Seriously people…..stop! JUST STOP with the bragging all the time. Especially on facebook because really?????…. Here is the thing. I am a mom. I have 4 of those succubus’s that clawed straight through my vagina to make their way into this world. Listen…I love them. I even think they are cute half the time….when they are not sucking the life straight out of me. But these mom’s with the bragging all the time. I can’t even!!! I just can’t.

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Every time I get on facebook and ย see a post like this…” Bobby got straight A’s on his report card…again, and made it on the honor roll for the 10th time this year…again!” You know what I do when I see that….the same thing everyone does when they see that. ROLL MY EYES as far back as they can go. Trust me when I tell you this…..everyone reading it is rolling their eyes. Unless of course it is their grandma. Even then, she might be rolling her eyes…you just never know. My mom would probably roll her eyes. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Anyway…This thing about trying to make people think YOUR kid is somehow better than everyone else’s is BALONEY people. No one is going to think that YOUR kid is better than their own kid. It is just NOT going to happen. I believe in being proud of your kids. My kids have done some amazing things that make me unbelievably proud. But for me to get on facebook and make some lame post about how perfect they are is an obvious BRAG! There is a big difference between being proud and bragging like your kid is the best thing ever. The funny part about it is that when a person is going on about all of their kids accomplishments, no one is buying it even for a second. Talent shoes on it’s own. If someone is talented…people will see it. I do not need to tell everyone how talented and smart my kid is because if my kid does something really cool…people will see it on their own. I guarantee Johnny Depp’s mom does not need to walk around telling people how talented her son is. I feel like when people go on and on about the accomplishments of their kids…..they either need validation of some kind….or they are lacking confidence in the sitation because why do they need other people to say….” Oh…your kid is so awesome.” I don’t know….the thing is…why can’t you just be real. Nothing wrong with being proud…but be friggin real! No kid is perfect. You make people feel shitty when all you do is go on like your life is so fucking perfect, and YOU have all the answers. It’s just not true!

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Being happy is a wonderful thing. I am very happy. But it would be false information for me to display that my life is perfect, and I am consistantly happy every second of every day. I don’t even think that is what this life is suppose to be about. I believe it is about learning and growing and more than anything…evolving! Connecting with each other on a real life level. When you learn and grow….you evolve. It’s when you stay so damn stuck in a thought process, that you truly believe you have nothing more to learn, and you literally just stop evolving as a person. You reject anything new. That is called becoming stagnate and it is not healthy for anybody.

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So my point to this whole thing is….I don’t give a flying fuck if your kid is so smart that he or she passed whatever with flying colors, and is so damn talented that they can do amazing things with their toes. Awesome!! Cool! But seriously though…..YOU be proud of them. you tell THEM that they are awesome. No one else really needs to know. The people that matter will see it anyway. All the other people that you brag too are just going to get annoyed and think you are an asshole!! Sorry….but it’s true….

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Love your kids….be proud of your kids accomplishments…..Tell THEM that you are proud! Show THEM that they are awesome. But if you want to connect with other mom’s….stop trying to be the one -upper and make it like you are a better mom. We are all just doing the best we can. One way is not the ONLY way!!! It’s awesome if you only feed your kids organic food, and you breast fed your kid until they were 12 ( sarcasm people) and you would never allow your kids to use products that contain red dye number 2!! Cool!! Wonderful!! That makes you awesome. But you are no more awesome than the mom who just barely got macaroni and cheese made for dinner because she didn’t have time to do anything else. We are all doing the best we can. I SUCK at cooking!! Everyone knows this. I’m not good with a fry pan. I mean…piss me off and I can throw it at you….but as far as making food in it, this is not my strong point. SO WHAT!!! I am amazing at snuggling with my kids even if I can’t make them tofu casserole.

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So there it is!! Part 2 of the super bitchy facebook series! My kids have been so sick all week. 2 of them have bronchitis, and the other 2 have this awful flu with puking and diarrhea. So it’s been fun around my house. But because of all the sickness I wasn’t able to make a new video for you guys. I went back through some old videos and after watching them I felt weird. You know…because I haven’t seen them in a while, and you forget how really stupid you are. And by saying “you”…I mean “ME”. So…yeah…I forgot how really stupid I am! Anyway…here is an older video that I made….

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fearless Leader
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:27:29

    Bwahahahaha!

    Facebook is now the old 8mm movies of the 50s.

    Here’s my kid taking a shit! Here’s my kid eating boogers! Here’s my kid…..

    Good Gawd Alimighty!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:29:30

      hahaha That is sooo true Fearless!!! Remember the days when folks would have a bbq and invite everyone over to watch 2 hours of their vacation slide show? Those were the days hu?….or when they would bust out the photo albums when your first date came over to pick you up…but instead they were bombarded with pictures of your naked butt! …

      Reply

  2. Joy Christi
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:28:09

    Amen! And I don’t just agree because I suck, I agree because we all should become more familiar with my old friend: REALITY. Reality is sometimes ordering pizza because you’re too busy/lazy/crabby to go grocery shopping, and THAT is okay, parents.

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:33:48

      I agree!! And actually I might change “sometimes”…to more than I would like to admit…;) It just happens like that sometimes. Pizza happens!…

      Reply

  3. El Guapo
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:46:49

    As someone who doesn’t use facebook, I’m just glad they have someplace to get it out of their system before they get on line behind me a the supermarket.

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:36:49

      hahahaha…El Guapo…You are HILARIOUS!! That is true…..but I think in some cases, they don’t actually get it out of their system….it’s more like they just suck! So, you know, it’s really more about their personality I guess. ๐Ÿ˜‰ uh-oh….I may have gone too far that time. I have a tendency of pissing off people. It’s not intentionally….it’s more of a gift really…;)

      Reply

    • List of X
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 18:44:24

      I don’t think they ever get it out of their system.

      Reply

  4. Laura Lynn
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:56:04

    I made a SnackStadium. And I posted it on line. So there! Whaddayah MEAN you didn’t have time to make a SnackStudium?! Seriously?!
    Can I horn in on your personal beef and add one of my own? I’ll take that as ‘ayup’.
    Facebook people who think you ‘caught’ cancer because you eat shit and your diet is crap so it’s YOUR fault and if they just eat healthy and vegan and don’t eat meat, or butter or sugar or ______ (insert delicious food you like here) you won’t get it.
    Listen weasle nut assholes…I didn’t CATCH cancer. I have a genetic marker for it-lets hope you don’t-and women in my family through generations, have this marker. Sometimes it springs up and tries to walk away with your life. My nieces all have to be extra careful. Maybe if the scientists stop fucking around making Viagra they’ll find the genetic marker that can spot this disease in a blood test. But until then…DON’T send me lists of ‘bad foods’ and ‘health cures’ and ‘magic formula’s that the doctors don’t want to tell you about’. I almost died. This time last year I was in a hospital bed almost dying-I MISSED THE SUPERBOWL!!!! (Hence the SnackStadium this year-and the Sea Hawks WON so it’s a good time to live in Seattle to say nothing of the Seattle Cancer Care ALliance and Arms ARound Bainbridge and the University of Washington Medical Center all of whom kept me alive and bitching and NO THANKS to all you so-called ‘friends’ who tell me what to do to ‘beat this’ because I’ve made it this far and I know what to do and that’s ignore the hell out of you and listen to my oncologist, surgeon, doctor and acupuncturist/chinese medicine dude and why does it always have to taste like shit Dr. Jones? Always like licking the bottom of a god damned ashtray WHY!?)
    ahhhh…nothing like a good run on sentence…
    I think your kids are lucky to have you as a Mom. I’d pick you to be my Mom if my Mom wasn’t so awesome. As for cooking…well. bwahh hahaha…throw a frying pan? Awesome use for it. I am the queen of crap food. well, I used to be. I actually DID cut back on the hotdogs and shit. BUT NOT becasue anyone told me to. I always knew they were bad for me…oh I feel another rant coming on. I’d better stop. Yep. braggarts and morons. Food for thought. Where would we be without them? You better go see my snack stadium pictures before I start writing my ‘god damned friggin romance novel that I wish I could just drop a bomb on the town and be done with it Iv’e written myelf into a corner again’ novel. It’s almost done. Boy does it need serious serious serioous editing. But it’s better than…bettter than…hmmm….nothing? Go see my pictures…

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:48:01

      Oh my gosh Laura Lynn!!! I am SOOOOO happy to see you!!! I miss you when I do not get these LOVELY comments of yours. You make me laugh something fierce!! We may be soul sisters. SOOO Weasle Nut assholes is officially THE word of the year! I LOVE it! It’s my new favorite word, and everyone who gets on facebook and brags is a weasle nut asshole!!! I happen to be certified junk food junkie! It’s a bad deal because everyone is like…” Doritos are not part of the food pyramid, and you are not suppose to put EXTRA whip cream in the twinkies” and crap like that!! Well ya know what….Extra whip cream in a twinkie is friggin delicious. So THEY are the ones missing out. In all truth though….I really am tired of people telling other people what to do. I am OVER IT!!!!

      I think my entire blog post is a big fat run on sentence!! I never take a breath ya know. i just talk and talk….or write and write!! You know what I mean. Now I have never heard of a SnackStadium but I can tell you right now….I need one!!! I need one now!!! Where are the pictures??? I need to be a part of the SnackStadium?

      Reply

      • Laura Lynn
        Feb 04, 2014 @ 20:22:39

        Pictures are posted. It’s my crowning achievement! Let’s see, two kinds of wings, sausage rolls, bbq keilbasa, bugles (I LOVE Bugles) chips, salsa, spinach and cheese triangles, crab rangoon, mini corn dogs, 5 cheese lasagna, 2 foot long sub sandwiches, cookies, candies, skittles (another fav) veggies, onion dip, smoked oysters, mac n’ cheese and finally jello shooters and buckets of beer. Today I am sitting on the couch painting my nails and eating leftovers and watching movies. Actually, the very definition of a perfect day!
        Besides doing nothing allllll day I have planned to try and polish off all the leftover corndogs and cookies.
        One of the kids stuck a plate with cream cheese, bbq keilbasa and 1/2 eaten hot wings UNDER the couch cushions…seriously. Found it when we were cleaning up. Ready to kill…so…deep breathe, junk food and movies. If it stains that’s just a fantastic reason to get a new sofa. Yay!
        Tomorrow is the BIG victory parade in Seattle so I am going to be there with bells on, bright and early and then maybe hit a few of the taverns, bars and brew pubs along the way back to the ferry! Yay! Triple Yay!!! I know it was a boring Super Bowl for most people but we Seattlites are over the moon! Celebrate with me tomorrow and have a twinkie with extra whipped cream and doritos! Hugs!

  5. SunnyBunny
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:59:50

    I use facebook because I have family all over the place – the last post I put about my son is that he was having a crying fit because his digital fish died. It was so sad and funny at the same time.
    But yeah I have friends who do the whole I made pasta from home grown wheat and used cheese from my own goats. I always post reality as a comment – I had frozen waffles and peas and we loved it. It can be annoying, but whatever they’re my people and I have to accept them (or delete them from my news feed)

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:52:00

      I think peas and waffles sounds like a perfect dinner! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I would totally eat it. And the people that use cheese from their goats, I mean…they get credit because that takes some serious skill. I do wonder though how they even have time for facebook with all that cheese making going on. ๐Ÿ˜‰ The wonderful thing about facebook is the family part. being able to post pics of your kiddos for family that do not get to see them. Thanks for commenting. i appreciate you checking it out.

      Reply

  6. REDdog
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 16:28:17

    Aaah Vagina, another tastefully presented uppercut for the mentally bruised thinkers(?) of the social media world, well done. I’m with Laura, you’re an awesome Mum, keep up the good work. Love RED

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 17:53:38

      Aww thanks REDdog!!! I Love this – ” another tastefully presented uppercut for the mentally bruised thinkers of the social media world!” PERFECT!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply

  7. dribbles and grits
    Feb 05, 2014 @ 10:58:09

    My 3 year old is super intelligent, borderlining some sort of genius that is beyond my comprehension,and I just posted a picture where she drew lines on her face and called herself Naruto. She is currently having a conversation with two plastic toy frying pans. I’m sorry, but I think the Naruto Frying Pans is much more brilliant and funny than listening to her recite the alphabet song and count to whatever number she’s at. I don’t know. I guess I just love it when kids are being kids more than kids being super kids.

    Now my friend’s son is like a super athlete. Public schools that play against him will stalk the kid to try to disqualify him (yes it’s happened). But his GPA, not so high. I think his mom would be thrilled to post a straight B report card with tons of pride long before posting another “he came in first” or “the team got another trophy, again, without practicing all week.” Like bragging about an accomplishment is one thing. That’s where you stick your kid on the platform for doing something he struggled doing. But constantly posting, “He’s perfect, again,” is a step beyond bragging. It’s being completely fake.

    Love your post. Loved your video. You had me cracking up. I think old person is my favorite, and I almost choked from laughing at the, “YOU. You are getting ALL of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.” LOL someone needs to send me the New Testament on occasion too.

    Reply

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LOUISE ALLAN

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