Wild Animals or Children….you decide!!

Have you ever been in a room with a bunch of kids and thought to yourself… is this a group of kids… or a pack of wild animals? I have had that thought more times than I can tell you. I have 4 kids…. so I have my very OWN pack of wild animals. Anyway, this got me thinking about comparisons. If you actually think about it… when it comes to kids, there are so many comparisons to other things that you can make. I started to write out a list…. and the list just kept going and going. There really are so many things that can be mistaken as children.

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Like for instance babies and dogs! We put them both in cages because there is always that chance that they are going to take off when you aren’t looking. They sit there and look at you with big eyes like please don’t leave me in here. You talk to them in a high pitched stupid voice and say things that don’t make sense. Babies and dogs look at you like you are an idiot because they have NO clue what you are saying to them. Then other people stare at you like you’re the freak, as if they’ve never done it before. Dogs and children poop at the most inconvient times EVER. They embaress you in public by attracting unwanted attention due to loud screaming/barking. They often stink and can be extremely naughty. They both have squeeky toys that you will for sure end up stepping on in the middle of the night. They DO NOT clean up after themselves, and they both have puked on my carpet. And yet, after all the times you think you are crazy for having one, you always want another.

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Little boys and dinosaurs!~ Not to generalize little boys, because I do believe that little girls can also be compared to dinosaurs. I am just speaking from experience with my little boy. The comparisons here are almost identical. Have you ever seen a little boy eat? Then you know EXACTLY how a velociraptor looked when it would eat. They both attack their food. Not just eat it… but kill it. You know, mangle it to death. Half the food ends up on the floor, and the other half on top of their head. They both make the most awful noises. Seriously, the screeches and shrieks and growls that come from my little boy is probably what killed the dinosaurs off!!! They both have a tendency to bite. You have to watch your fingers around them. Neither one likes to brush their teeth or take a bath….. And like the babies and dogs…. they both can and do often stink!

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Little girls and kitties!~ Again… I do not want to generalize all girls. I have 3 girls and I am speaking from experience with my littlest one. She is the one that has a tendency to be very much like a kitty. When it comes to little girls and kitties, you can be hugging them and snuggling with them, having a fun time, not knowing that any moment, they will change and attack. They do that little stalk thing, and then when you least expect it… they pounce. Then you turn around and look at them and they are staring at you like they did NOTHING!! Looking at you like YOU are the one with the problem… even though they just scratched out your eyeballs. They also both have the ” you are THE MOST stupid person on the planet and how can you possibly wear that outfit in public” look! They will flash you the “look” and you just know that you suck. They also can be fluffy and cute and cuddly!

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8 yr. olds and 80 yr. olds!~ Let’s face it… they both are missing filters. I have never met an 8 yr. old or an 80 yr. old that has a filter.

 

 
-Things you might possibly hear from and 8 yr. old would be…. “I farted and it smells like tacos!”… “My poop is runny!”… “Something smells weird on my hand!”… “You’re funny looking.”… “STOP IT! I CAN DO IT! I can do it by myself!”… “I want to drive. I know how.”… “Tie my shoes!”… (Loud for everyone to hear) “I don’t like that person!”…

 
-Things you might possibly hear from an 80 yr. old would be…. “I farted and it smells like tacos!”… “My poop is runny!”… “Something smells weird on my hand!”… “You’re funny looking.”… “STOP IT! I CAN DO IT! I can do it by myself!”… “I want to drive. I know how.”… “Tie my shoes!”… (Loud for everyone to hear) “I don’t like that person!”… And let’s be honest… No 8 yr. old OR 80 yr. Old EVER flushes the damn toilet!!

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Drunks and Toddlers!~ So many comparisons here it is almost scary. They both are slobbery, and almost always have food dribbled on their clothes. Often poop and pee in their pants and when they actually make it to a toilet, they never really make it IN the toilet. It usually ends up on the floor or wall or on the cat. You can never understand what they are saying to you. Unless of course you are also drunk… or a toddler. They are always running into things from the lack of paying attention. They both are really bad at dressing themselves, and UN dressing themselves. Sometimes they give up on the clothes thing altogether, and will just run around naked. They will literally fall asleep anywhere but in their own bed! Places like a shopping cart, the front yard, the side of the road. And in the end, all they really want is a friend… Oh, wait no, that’s just the alcoholic. All my kids really want is spongebob, cookies, and for our chihuahua to play dress up with them….

 

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So there you have it!! All the things that can be mistaken for a child. If you have any ideas of what can be mistaken for a child….put it in the comments. I LOVE to read what you all think. Β Guess what???…I made a video for you! Cuz I Love ya! ❀

 

 

 

 

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13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fearless Leader
    Jan 14, 2014 @ 09:52:24

    Everything you listed here applies disproportionately to Dumbasses as well. Whether they are 8 or 80.

    Or drunk.

    Especially if they’re drunk.

    Reply

  2. Lisa
    Jan 15, 2014 @ 10:38:07

    You’re 8 and 80 comparison is priceless!!!! I too have an 8 year old male child and you are so right, there is NO FILTER! And my 6 year old female child likes to ask awkward questions in front of other people, like if someone says “Hello” to me as I go into the waiting room, she says, “Who was that mom?” and I’m like, “Just a nice lady”. (Lady of course is sitting 2 feet away…). “Well, why did she just say hello to someone she doesn’t know? Maybe she doesn’t have any friends. You should be her friend, Mommy. You should give her your phone number and be friends. Don’t you want to????” (Lady looking at me with an expression like perhaps she’s hoping I do this…). My daughter does this type of thing to me all the time!!!! And I’m so bummed out because my one-year-old child, who I could compare to a monkey, climbed up on the computer desk and drop-kicked the speaker, so now I have no sound for the video!!!!! Grrrrrr….. When I get this thing fixed, I’m going to watch the video and comment, it looks like a good one, and you know I can never keep anything I’m thinking to myself!!! So I will be back!! πŸ™‚ xoxoxo

    Reply

    • Lisa
      Jan 15, 2014 @ 10:39:18

      Oh and look at that blaring typo right in the beginning of my comment!!! “You’re”, nice one Lisa!!! hahahaha πŸ™‚

      Reply

    • Vagina
      Jan 16, 2014 @ 16:48:05

      YAAAAAY!!! I am going to sit right here and wait for you to come back!!!! RIGHT HERE!!!!!! πŸ™‚ Oh that is hilarious about your daughter. I have a 7 yr. old girl that loves to talk as loud as she possibly can in the stores so EVERYONE can hear EVERYTHING she says. Like for instance….” MOM…that lady smells like poop!”..or…” MOM…that lady has BIG BOOBS!”…or ” MOM..did you fart?”….it’s great!!!

      Reply

  3. Joy Christi
    Jan 15, 2014 @ 10:59:48

    THIS is hilarious! I have made these comparisons quite often, and my baby GIRL made nothing BUT dinosaur noises until she learned how to semi-form words. I actually did an ENTIRE blog post comparing my kids to zoo animals, true story. Not to troll your comment thread but I’m going to post the URL in case you want to read HOW MUCH I agree with you. This will probably end up in spam πŸ™‚
    http://www.comfytownchronicles.com/2013/03/no-need-to-buy-we-made-zoo.html

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Jan 16, 2014 @ 16:44:03

      I am totally going to read your post. ANYTIME you want to leave a post here you should!! I wish I had a place for people to add their own links on the comments they leave. Kids are so much zoo animals….SO MUCH!!!! I used to work at a place called ” Kids fun center.” It was a play place with ball pits, and big tubes, and they did birthday parties. The REAL name of that place should have been…” ZOO!” That’s it….just zoo!

      Reply

  4. Laura Lynn
    Jan 15, 2014 @ 12:08:16

    Well damn it I just wandered around the house trying to come up with a good comparison and I got squat. Cuz you nailed it on this one. Kids. Are. Freaks. Mind you, I don’t have any. I’ve thought this for a while. (Not that I don’t have kids, I knew that) Just that kids are kind of super smart dumbasses. Of course I can’t comment on kids because this is a closed club. If a childless woman says ‘Kids are freaks!’ people think you hate kids. I don’t hate them. All the time. Only if I’m trying to watch the football game and someone (HELLO DAWN!) brings their 8 yr old to the playoff party and Cashmere wants to draw pictures of party dresses with me and the ball is on the 2nd yrd line and I accidentally say something like “Are you FUCKIN’ kidding me?!” and the only one who laughs is my drunk uncle Dave. (He’s awesome) and my sister say’s “Laura!!!” and Dawn gives me a ‘look’ and says ‘That’s okay…’ and my OWN MOTHER says ‘Good thing YOU never had kids!’ and I’m all like “What?! Haven’t you heard that word by now, Cashmere? Don’t lie either. Cuz all you little viruses are liars.” and Cashmere calmly turns to her Mom and says ‘I’ve heard ‘fuck’ before Mom. What does it mean?’ and the play is over and the other team scored and I’m a dirt bag and then I go and find the rest of the Bailey’s from Christmas and drink it all on top of beer and end up feeling queasy and querulous and…and…I saw Cashmere looking at me while I was sitting at the kitchen table drawing party dresses. (That was an awesome long sentence. aaahhhh…) anyway she knew I’d swear, I always swear at the exact wrong moment and that word would get me in trouble and that I’d say it…she knew…she knew I’d get in trouble and have to go in the kitchen for a time out. And draw party dresses.
    Great video, too. More video’s. Can I just say that everything in that video is basically what happens in front of me everyday. ‘That person’ is there. She is real.
    (Her name is Cashmere)

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Jan 16, 2014 @ 16:40:56

      I don’t even know what to say here!! It’s all just WAY to good to even add anything. I am friggin cracking up over here. I know Cashmere…..Cashmere lives in my house too!!! -_- You don’t have to have little people that tore our of your Vagina to know they are FREAKS!!! Seriously…they are straight up jerks sometimes!! It doesn’t matter if you own them or not….they are still jerks! hmmm….maybe I shouldn’t have said that! Nah…I’m sticking with it!!!

      Reply

  5. Lisa
    Jan 17, 2014 @ 07:24:00

    I just realized that I can watch the video on my Kindle!!!! DUH!!! I just got it for Christmas so I didn’t even think of that! SO, I watched the video!!!! It was a good one! I loved when the gal at the window says,”You’ll have a heart attack, m’am”. HAHAHAHA πŸ™‚ Ya, so now that I have a Kindle, Vagina can come with me everywhere! Yippy!!! Oh and thank you so much for commenting on my little blog πŸ™‚ I was so excited to see “Vagina” there! HAHAHAHA! I know I’ll get some confused questions from my mom, “Lisa, do you have a friend who is actually named “Vagina”??? I sure do, Mom! Vagina kicks ass!!!!!!!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Jan 17, 2014 @ 09:01:00

      hahahahhaa…That is HILARIOUS!!! You know what’s funny…I just made a new video yesterday and put my mom in it. hahha…It is going to be with the next blog post. The title is shopping with Vagina’s mom. πŸ˜‰ I’m excited for you to see it. I love your blog. You have a GORGEOUS family. ❀ ❀ Your kids are so stinken cute!! ANd we have the same sense of style because that chair would be rocking it in my house too!!

      Reply

  6. Just Sayin
    Jan 17, 2014 @ 12:27:31

    I saw you over on Le Clown’s latest post and was wondering if you need why so few of this regular followers are no longer on that site. He’s been outed as a sexual predator:

    http://calamityrae.wordpress.com/2014/01/14/outing-eric-robillard-le-clown-the-magnificent-the-predator-with-the-red-nose/

    Reply

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