From the wise words of Spongebob Squarepants…. “Don’t be a jerk… It’s Christmas!!” I say let’s make that don’t be a jerk EVER! How about that? Just stop being a jerk. Here’s the thing… we can all be a jerk sometimes. It just happens. I truly am an asshole. I’m not kidding when I say that. I am a very sensitive asshole. It’s just who I am. I denied it for many years, and then one day I thought to myself, “I am sick and tired of hiding who I truly am to please other people.” So the asshole emerged and here I am. It doesn’t mean I walk around being shitty to people. Not intentionally anyway. There are those times when a person acts like a jerk…. it happens… but if you are purposely walking around treating people shitty just because it makes you feel better, then stop it! What makes others see me as a “bitch” isn’t because I go around trying to bring others down. It’s because I am sick of bullshit excuses, and in the end, I’d rather be honest. Why is it so frowned upon just to be honest to people?
Let me explain what I am saying here….. You get a phone call from a “friend” that wants you to go out with them on Friday night to a bar. The truth is, you really don’t want to go to a bar on Friday night, you just want to sit at home and eat an entire container of Ben and Jerry’s and watch New Girl! And to be completely truthful, the “friend” that wants you to go out with them is the type of person that when you are with them(after a few drinks), all they do is talk about themselves constantly and think they know everything… so it never ends up being a good time. It just isn’t your cup of tea. But if you tell this friend the truth of it, they are going to be offended and get mad at you because you don’t want to go out with them. I understand that telling this person they are the most un-fun person to hang out with would make you an asshole…. but why can’t you say, “No thank you, I would rather eat ice cream and watch t.v”? Suddenly you have to become a grand story teller and weave some lies together saying, “Oh sorry… I am certain to have diarrhea that night and will be shitting on the toilet for an eternity so I can’t go.” Would that offend them less? What kind of BS is this? What the hell is wrong with honesty? My favorite thing to do in life is eat ice cream and watch New Girl. I have NO desire to sit in a bar on a Friday night and listen to someone talk about themselves for three hours. But if I simply say “Nah. I’m not feeling it.” Then I’m the asshole. They are all pissed off because I didn’t do what THEY wanted me to do.
If you get pissed off at someone because they don’t do something that YOU want them to do… it is time to re-assess yourself. Let’s just say you want to go fishing, and you decide that you are going to invite your friend to go fishing. Let’s just say that I am that friend. You call me and say “Hey…do you want to go fishing?” And what I want to truly say is “Um… no…. It sounds dreadful. I don’t like fishing. I don’t like fish. I don’t like ponds, and nasty fucking fishing poles and worms and whatever else the frick goes along with fishing. Why the fuck would you even ask me a ridiculous question like do I want to go fishing with you? Do I even look like a person that would have anything to do with a fish? Doesn’t my lipstick and the way I style my hair give away the fact that I probably do not get on a stupid ass boat and go fishing? I don’t even like to touch raw meat, and when I shop in the grocery store, I cover my hands with a plastic bag before ever grabbing any kind of raw meat because I know damn well those meat guys in the back have touched the outside of the package with their nasty raw meaty hands and I am not touching it!!! Not to mention, the fact that I prefer to sit in my house and hang out with my electric blanket!! So the answer to your question is no….. No I would NOT like to go fishing with you!” But I can’t say that because I would then be labeled an asshole. I’m just trying to say that if you get mad at someone because they declined your request, maybe it is time to take a step back and look at why you are upset that they are not doing YOUR thing. Maybe they don’t like to fish… Or maybe they just don’t want to. Why should I feel like I have to lie so the person is not mad at me?
I am over it!!! Go ahead and be pissed off. Be stuck up. Keep that stick right up your ass because you know what? I’m done lying. I won’t lie just to cushion your fragile mind. Sometimes, my life is bigger than you. Sometimes, I get to choose what I do for whatever reason I choose to do it. And if the truth is too harsh for you to handle (I’m not trying to quote Jerry McGuire), too bad. You are living some sad life away from this little thing called REALITY and UNDERSTANDING. That’s all I’m trying to say, really. Let’s be realistic and understanding of one another. Some people like parties while others like the couch. Deal with it. If you can’t, well then, that’s really YOUR problem. See….I’m an asshole!
But I did make a video for you!! ~