An open Letter to my Heated Blanket:

Heated Blanket,

 
There is so much I want to tell you, so much I need for you to know. Do you realize how much I need you. especially now, in these times of such hardships. Yesterday, the high was -2. Negative 2 degrees!!! This was the high for the day.

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You are the only one that understands me. The only that has EVER really understood me and my needs. I know I have forgotten about you. Packed you away and stuffed you in the back of the closet before when times were…”sunnier”….and there was even that time that I forgot where I put you, and searched and searched through the whole house, only to find you stuffed under a christmas bin that had been put in the room under the stairs. Even after all that….you still came back to me with your warmth.

 

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Except for that one time. I know, I know…I don’t want to bring it up either, but you need to know how much that hurt me. I was broken hearted after ” the incident.” I pre heated you because I knew it was going to be a damn cold night. I went about with my nightly activities, putting the kids to bed, having a late night snack, all the while just knowing that you were getting ready for me. I have always trusted that you would be nice and hot for me. I turned out the lights and without even checking Β jumped right in and wrapped up in you, but it was cold! So so cold! Not even a hint of warmth came from you! You were just so cold! I even shivered.

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What happened? Why did you lie to me? I trusted you, and you betrayed me in the worst way. Nothing but cold all around me! You had officially burned out. You left me heated blanket, when I needed you most….you just left. That was a sad day. A very COLD sad day.

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I knew that day would come eventually, but I thought I had more time. I just thought you had more to give. I didn’t want to believe it was true. I know you felt used. I know you think I only turned you on when I was cold…and you are probably right about that. But do you have any idea how often I get cold. Like I am freezing at 65 degrees. Which is why I always knew you were the perfect match for me.

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Your warmth has made me a better person. Trust me. I’m a bitch when I’m cold!! But the time has come. I must replace you. You no longer have the ability to heat me up the way you used to. We have so many memories but that is all they are now….memories.
There is a new heated blanket in my life. It has digital buttons, and fancy gadgets, and a new fangled pre heating system that would blow your mind. I just needed you to know heated blanket that….well…..I always Loved you…and I always will!! And please don’t think of it as you failed me….even though you did….because I will never forget our times together. You were my best Friend! Heated Blanket…I Love you! ❀

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I hope you all had the BEST Thanksgiving and ate lots of delicious food! I made a video for you. Here is sneak peek at my Thanksgiving! ~ Just for fun!!

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29 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aya
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 09:36:15

    Hahahaha….love it. I have a heated mattress pad that lights up my life!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 04, 2013 @ 09:47:53

      I should try one of those. I have a friend that swears by the heated mattress pad. She won’t use anything else. I like the blanket because I can take it to the couch with me, but I am not at all opposed to trying the heated mattress pad. πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  2. Sofia Leo
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 10:02:48

    A heated blanket? OMG! I think you just solved every problem in my life! I’m sitting at work having hallucinations about what life would be like with a heated blanket. It honestly never occurred to me…

    LOVE the new video πŸ™‚

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 03, 2013 @ 10:07:48

      Oh my dear….you HAVE to get one!! They really are the solution to all the problems of life. Once you wrap up in that baby, …you will never be the same. Everything just fades away! πŸ˜‰

      Reply

      • Sofia Leo
        Dec 03, 2013 @ 14:14:13

        I’m gonna go shopping tonight!

      • Vagina
        Dec 03, 2013 @ 19:34:18

        While you are out…grab yourself some wine and chocolate. There will be nothing else in life you need. It will be the perfect night! πŸ˜‰

      • Sofia Leo
        Dec 04, 2013 @ 09:19:53

        No wine, no chocolate, just me, my new best friend and Sons of Anarchy. Had the best night of sleep EVER! Thank you so much for your post!

      • Vagina
        Dec 04, 2013 @ 09:42:07

        I am soooo happy you had a great sleep. I have become addicted to my heated blanket and when I don’t have it I can’t sleep at all. It is most definitely my bestie!! The blanket just gets me ya know…it really understands my needs…

  3. Janice
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 13:24:27

    I felt the same way when my heated blanket went out too. I was heartbroken and my sweet husband got me a new one for Valentine’s Day! I was so happy and my sister-in-law was all like “Why didn’t he get you Jewelry?” And I told her warmth is better than jewelry! lol

    Reply

  4. Laura Lynn
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 16:01:11

    Heated blankets? Well, out here in the country all I ever do is slide the hibachi under the bed and I’m out like a light. I don’t know why I wake up with a headache every morning. Maybe I’ll try a heated blanket…you use the oven right?
    Looks like a really nice Thanksgiving. I went to my brothers house and brought an 18 1/2 lb turkey. They’re all vegetarians so I may not get asked back next year. But their faces when they saw it? Priceless.

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 03, 2013 @ 19:38:41

      Yeah…hibachi’s can do that. I always get a headache when I put the hibachi under my bed. The heated blanket might change your life. You will be so amazed. No more headache and lethargy from the carbon monoxide that the grill causes. It’s all good!

      My oldest daughter is a vegetarian and she looked at the turkey like it was a disgusting, vile, plague sitting on the table. It really added to the festivities. I put some on her plate just to make things fun. She was so mad because it touched her potatoes and I had to hear a whole thing about how potatoes is the only she can eat..and yada yada….

      Reply

  5. Trackback: Some like it hot, some like it cold. | nanitwin
  6. List of X
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 23:02:31

    Thanks, now I know what I’ll be giving my wife as the next present. 65 degrees or so is her freezing temperature too.

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 04, 2013 @ 09:40:13

      You are a good man List!! I promise she will not be disappointed. Nothing says I love you like a warm blanket!! πŸ˜‰ Diamonds are nice too…and chocolate…

      Reply

  7. Trackback: And the angels sang | I Won't Take It
  8. Uncle Guacamole
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 19:44:25

    Love the video! I bet your kids had a ball making that one. And your funky background music cracks me up!

    As for a heated blanket, I know what I’m asking the wife to get me for Christmas! You know the best thing about a heated blanket, don’t you? It’s never too tired to keep you warm and never has a headache. πŸ™‚

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 05, 2013 @ 09:20:01

      I LOVE your analogy Uncle Guac!! So perfect!! The best thing about a heated blanket is you don’t have to convince it to be toasty warm….it just is! πŸ˜‰ Unless of course it burns out like mine did…

      Reply

  9. Criss
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 20:38:59

    As always thank you for the giggles. πŸ˜€

    Reply

  10. Trackback: A California December | A Map of California
  11. Lisa
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 22:52:56

    If I had a heated blanket, I would probably be writing it love letters too!!! Have you ever heard of a kotatsu? They have them in Japan. They’re these low tables that are heated underneath and they have a big thick blanket surrounding them and you just cozy up and soak in the warmth! I’ve been trying to get my husband to build me a kotatsu for the last 10 years! Google it and you’ll fall in love! Looks like your Thanksgiving really rocked, Vagina! HAHAHA! I missed you at our feast but I did give thanks for my super awesome friend Vagina!!!! xoxoxo

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 05, 2013 @ 09:23:40

      Now I want one!! Maybe if your husband builds you one….I can come hang out and we can be toasty warm!! It’s always in Japan where the cool stuff is. They have the best ideas. I give thanks every day for you my friend!! I appreciate you more than you know. I am so glad you had an awesome Thanksgiving. Did your Mom in law get it done??…;)

      Reply

  12. Lisa
    Dec 05, 2013 @ 12:45:51

    I can completely see you and me hanging out at the kotatsu! I heard that the midwest is getting hit with crazy cold and snow. CT is actually warmer than usual, we don’t even need heavy coats yet. Believe it or not I’m complaining about this because I love the winter and cold and snow and having to cozy down! It is easier to shlep the baby around in the warmer weather, but I still like a snowy, frosty Christmas season. I have a bad cold right now and I’m kind of cranky! But there’s no break for Vaginas once they start cranking out the babes, is there? I think I need a solid 24 hours of sleep! A new Vagina post keeps me going though!

    Reply

  13. Joy in Comfytown
    Dec 06, 2013 @ 06:49:40

    I have been cold all my dumb life. Low blood pressure and hypothyroid, my husband actually thought I died in my sleep a couple times. For reals. He shook me in a panic. Here is what worked for keep: My teenager raises my blood pressure by being a wanker, which also causes stress eating and drinking which causes weight gain. My blubber acts as a protective layer against cold. Sometimes I’m so warm I have to wear tank tops. In the winter. Which noone wants to see with sideboob fat but I can’t see around them so it’s not a problem for ME. So it’s not actually a problem then. The end.

    Reply

  14. Trackback: Warmth on a cold day | Me 2.0 ~ My Journey from Codependency to Independent Living

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