Times they are a Changin…and so are We!~

“Times change and so must I. We all change when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s ok, that’s good, as long as you keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be.” -The Eleventh Doctor in ‘The Time of the Doctor’

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I am just going to say exaclty what I need to say! Most of my life, I have spent NOT saying how I feel. Letting the ideas of other people sway me, even when I felt it wasn’t right for me. About 5 years ago, something happened in my life. I don’t even know how to describe it other than I just exploded. I literally could not take another moment of letting other people take advantage of me. I am going to go all Doctor Who here, and say it was like I was a statue, and something inside me just cracked and I busted out with all the force I had. This is it. This is who I am. I can not even think of going back to the person I used to be. Every so often I start to slip back, but then I realize… I DO NOT have to take anything from anybody ever!! No one does. Nobody should have to take shit from others just because they are family, or close friends, or whatever the reason may be.

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The problem I keep getting tripped up in, is that I don’t want to hurt anybody. I just want to be a nice person. Well…. nice on the internet is a non existent thing. It’s very similar to being on the road in a car, and screaming at the idiot who cut you off that you wish he would die in a fiery pit of hell. I mean… technically that is a harsh wish to place on someone… but it’s a lot easier to scream that at someone when there is a car between the two of you. Same thing with the internet. There is this lovely screen that you have protecting you from actually seeing the pain or sadness you may have caused another person. So it’s easy!! I have been at this blogging gig for close to a year now, and if I have realized anything…. it’s that the internet is really a different world of it’s own. We all pretty much know that…. the world wide web has connected you to people that in real life you probably would have never met, or possibly even stood in the same room with because they are on the other side of the world. I think there is so much good in that. Of course with the good always comes the negative.

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Recently I had some stuff go down, and came extremely close to walking away from this. I mean… it’s no big deal. I am not writing to save people’s lives here. I am not a talented writer of great literature. But there are some folks that enjoy what I put out there. It also brings me joy to make them laugh or make someone’s day. That is why I even do it. If my style of writing isn’t someone’s cup of tea… so be it. That is what makes this place so great. There are so many different kinds of people, and different ways of doing things that everyone can find something that they are into.

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I believe with every fiber of my being that TRUE FREEDOM comes with acceptance. That’s it!! Acceptance. If you really, truly want to be free… then practice acceptance. Unless you stop trying to change others, and merely just accept them as they are…. then you will truly never be free yourself. You will be trapped. Not only is it exhausting to spend your time and thoughts on what other people are or are not doing…. but you are completely missing what YOU are putting into this universe. How can you put great, amazing things out into this world, when every thought, or action is basically trying to change other people to see things YOUR way?

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My plan for this year is to keep on keeping on. I will let my integrity guide me on the right decisions to make. I will always choose love before choosing hate! I choose love, respect, acceptance, and kindness. If people try and take advantage of my kindness…. or enjoy seeing how far they can go with me…. then I will for certain tell them to FUCK OFF!!!! So… my motto for 2014…. love and kindness, and if you still want to be an asshole to me….. then FUCK the fuck off!! 🙂 Because I am not a door mat to be walked on. I have put together some of my MOST favorite sayings ever. Actually as I recently felt sucker punched by a “friend” … my daughter put these together for me to cheer me up. It’s the ones in your life that stand by you, and when your heart is broken, they are still there. When you are crying so many tears and you can’t seem to stop… they grab the tissues and sit right beside you. Those are the ones you want close to you. Those are the ones that will still be there even on a bad day.

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My wish for all of you amazing beautiful folks is that 2014 is YOUR most amazing year yet! Do all the things that you have been putting off, or waiting to do. Just do them! Wake up tomorrow and do it. BE AMAZING my friends! You have the ability and power to be unbelievably awesome in all things….. So do it!! Don’t let anyone change who you are! Just BE the BEST YOU that is in you to be. You were created and designed to be AMAZING! SO BE AMAZING!!! ❤
Because I am a true nerd at heart…. most of these came from Doctor Who! 😉

 

~ “Life depends on change and renewal” -The Second Doctor

 

~ “Courage isn’t a matter of not being frightened, you know. It’s being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.” -The Third Doctor

 

~ “You know the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don’t alter their views to fit facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable….if YOU happen to be one of the facts that “needs” altering.” -The Fourth Doctor

 

~ ” Do you know in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.” -The Eleventh Doctor

 

~ “Your ideas are too narrow and crippled. I AM a citizen of the UNIVERSE!!” -The First Doctor

 

~ “I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” -The Eleventh Doctor

 

~ “Letting it get to you. You know what that’s called? BEING ALIVE… Best thing there is…being alive right now is all that counts.” -The Eleventh Doctor

 

~ “You lot, you spend all your time thinking about dying, like you’re gonna get killed by eggs, or beef, or global warming or asteroids, but you never take time to imagine the impossible…..like maybe you survive.” -The Ninth Doctor

 
~ “Everybody knows that everybody dies…but not everyday, and not today! Some days are special, some days are so so blessed. some days…nobody dies at all.” -River Song

 

 

~ Everything will be okay! Everything will work out Fantastically if you walk your own unique path toward your dreams. You will be led to your own unique talent to the world! -Unknown

 

 

~ “BE BRAVE!” – The Eleventh Doctor

 

With stuff going on, I didn’t have it in me to make a video at this time. So Buster offered to do it for me. I was like….yeah…go ahead doggie….you make a video! So here is Buster’s Video…

What is this Christmas Fuckery??…

 

Well folks…it’s that time of year again. Where we all have to go out to the crazy ass stores and buy a shit ton of crap that nobody needs or even wants. We have people over that we usually try and avoid most of the time, but it’s Christmas…so now you have to sit at the table with them and talk about the weather, their job, and how much gas costs. Aweswome!

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The stress of the Holidays hits everyone. We all feel it at some point. Buying gifts, and sending out a billion cards, and baking a truck load of cookies. It’s a lot of work in one month to try and live up to the standard of a “Happy Holiday!” Whatever that means. I personally do not believe any of that has anything to do with having a Happy Holiday. Side note: I am not saying Happy Holiday because of the “oh no I am offended” BS that is sweeping the nation. If you get offended because of the way someone wished you a holiday greeting…it is most definitely time to re evaluate your priorities.

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Anyway….I was thinking about the Holidays and how I wanted to write a blog post that had something to do with Christmas and all of the holiday activities that we are all involved in right now. I thought about maybe posting recipes. Then I laughed my ass off! NOBODY wants a recipe that comes from me…trust me! Then I considered writing about ways to alleviate holiday stress, and all I could come up with was Vodka. I mean let’s get real folks….Vodka will cure what ails you!!

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So as I was thinking about how I was going to write up a beautiful holiday post that may possibly be helpful, or really inspiring to people…..this is what came to my mind. You all know the beautiful holiday song the twelve days of Christmas right? I know you do! It has been around forever. That song has been sung by numerous people…myself  included, and it has wonderfully illustrated lyrics that really take you to the place of understanding love at Christmas time. Well…I changed it up! I decided to put a little spin on the song…you know….spice it up a bit. My version though….is more about what you DON’T want to give your true love for Christmas.

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Have you ever gotten that gift that you just hated. I mean…you appreciate the thought…but the gift…HATE!!! Well, here is some ideas that I think would be terrible gifts. Like really, really BAD gift ideas. In other words….DO NOT get your true love these gifts, because surely…your true love will NO longer be your true love by January 1st. The next year, you will be flying solo my friend. Take some friendly advice and listen to the new lyrics. You can sing it in your head if you like:

 
On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: A fucking herpe…

 

On the second day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe….

 
On the third day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and a fucking herpe….

 
On the fourth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and a fucking herpe….

 
On the fifth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts” , 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and a fucking herpe….

 
On the sixth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts” , 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe….

 
On the seventh day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts”, 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe…

 
On the eight day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 8 Dog’s butt scooting, 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts”, 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe…

 
On the ninth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 9 Nipple twisters, 8 dog’s butt scooting, 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’TS”, 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe….

 
On the tenth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 10 toilets plugging, 9 nipple twisters, 8 dog’s butt scooting, 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts”, 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe….

 
On the eleventh day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 11 kid’s a screaming, 10 toilets plugging, 9 nipple twisters, 8 dog’s butt scooting, 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts” 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe….

 
On the twelfth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me: 12 Relatives showing up without fucking calling, 11 kid’s a screaming, 10 toilets plugging, 9 nipple twisters, 8 dog’s butt scooting, 7 smooshy skidmarks, 6 farts a laying, 5 “OH NO YOU DIDN’Ts” , 4 lame ass texts, 3 stinky socks, 2 shitty candles, and A fucking herpe…..

 
There you have it folks!! Twelve of the WORST gifts you could ever give your True Love. Seriously….don’t do it!! It’s not a good idea.

I wish you all The Merriest of Christmas’s and Happiest of Holiday’s EVER!!~ Of course I made a video for you. Vagina had a Christmas get together. Check it out!! ~

You can’t Handle the Truth!!

 

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From the wise words of Spongebob Squarepants…. “Don’t be a jerk… It’s Christmas!!” I say let’s make that don’t be a jerk EVER! How about that? Just stop being a jerk. Here’s the thing… we can all be a jerk sometimes. It just happens. I truly am an asshole. I’m not kidding when I say that. I am a very sensitive asshole. It’s just who I am. I denied it for many years, and then one day I thought to myself, “I am sick and tired of hiding who I truly am to please other people.” So the asshole emerged and here I am. It doesn’t mean I walk around being shitty to people. Not intentionally anyway. There are those times when a person acts like a jerk…. it happens… but if you are purposely walking around treating people shitty just because it makes you feel better, then stop it! What makes others see me as a “bitch” isn’t because I go around trying to bring others down. It’s because I am sick of bullshit excuses, and in the end, I’d rather be honest. Why is it so frowned upon just to be honest to people?

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Let me explain what I am saying here….. You get a phone call from a “friend” that wants you to go out with them on Friday night to a bar. The truth is, you really don’t want to go to a bar on Friday night, you just want to sit at home and eat an entire container of Ben and Jerry’s and watch New Girl! And to be completely truthful, the “friend” that wants you to go out with them is the type of person that when you are with them(after a few drinks), all they do is talk about themselves constantly and think they know everything… so it never ends up being a good time. It just isn’t your cup of tea. But if you tell this friend the truth of it, they are going to be offended and get mad at you because you don’t want to go out with them. I understand that telling this person they are the most un-fun person to hang out with would make you an asshole…. but why can’t you say, “No thank you, I would rather eat ice cream and watch t.v”? Suddenly you have to become a grand story teller and weave some lies together saying, “Oh sorry… I am certain to have diarrhea that night and will be shitting on the toilet for an eternity so I can’t go.” Would that offend them less? What kind of BS is this? What the hell is wrong with honesty? My favorite thing to do in life is eat ice cream and watch New Girl. I have NO desire to sit in a bar on a Friday night and listen to someone talk about themselves for three hours. But if I simply say “Nah. I’m not feeling it.” Then I’m the asshole. They are all pissed off because I didn’t do what THEY wanted me to do.

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If you get pissed off at someone because they don’t do something that YOU want them to do… it is time to re-assess yourself. Let’s just say you want to go fishing, and you decide that you are going to invite your friend to go fishing. Let’s just say that I am that friend. You call me and say “Hey…do you want to go fishing?” And what I want to truly say is “Um… no…. It sounds dreadful. I don’t like fishing. I don’t like fish. I don’t like ponds, and nasty fucking fishing poles and worms and whatever else the frick goes along with fishing. Why the fuck would you even ask me a ridiculous question like do I want to go fishing with you? Do I even look like a person that would have anything to do with a fish? Doesn’t my lipstick and the way I style my hair give away the fact that I probably do not get on a stupid ass boat and go fishing? I don’t even like to touch raw meat, and when I shop in the grocery store, I cover my hands with a plastic bag before ever grabbing any kind of raw meat because I know damn well those meat guys in the back have touched the outside of the package with their nasty raw meaty hands and I am not touching it!!! Not to mention, the fact that I prefer to sit in my house and hang out with my electric blanket!! So the answer to your question is no….. No I would NOT like to go fishing with you!” But I can’t say that because I would then be labeled an asshole. I’m just trying to say that if you get mad at someone because they declined your request, maybe it is time to take a step back and look at why you are upset that they are not doing YOUR thing. Maybe they don’t like to fish… Or maybe they just don’t want to. Why should I feel like I have to lie so the person is not mad at me?

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I am over it!!! Go ahead and be pissed off. Be stuck up. Keep that stick right up your ass because you know what? I’m done lying. I won’t lie just to cushion your fragile mind. Sometimes, my life is bigger than you. Sometimes, I get to choose what I do for whatever reason I choose to do it. And if the truth is too harsh for you to handle (I’m not trying to quote Jerry McGuire), too bad. You are living some sad life away from this little thing called REALITY and UNDERSTANDING. That’s all I’m trying to say, really. Let’s be realistic and understanding of one another. Some people like parties while others like the couch. Deal with it. If you can’t, well then, that’s really YOUR problem. See….I’m an asshole!

 

But I did make a video for you!! ~

An open Letter to my Heated Blanket:

Heated Blanket,

 
There is so much I want to tell you, so much I need for you to know. Do you realize how much I need you. especially now, in these times of such hardships. Yesterday, the high was -2. Negative 2 degrees!!! This was the high for the day.

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You are the only one that understands me. The only that has EVER really understood me and my needs. I know I have forgotten about you. Packed you away and stuffed you in the back of the closet before when times were…”sunnier”….and there was even that time that I forgot where I put you, and searched and searched through the whole house, only to find you stuffed under a christmas bin that had been put in the room under the stairs. Even after all that….you still came back to me with your warmth.

 

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Except for that one time. I know, I know…I don’t want to bring it up either, but you need to know how much that hurt me. I was broken hearted after ” the incident.” I pre heated you because I knew it was going to be a damn cold night. I went about with my nightly activities, putting the kids to bed, having a late night snack, all the while just knowing that you were getting ready for me. I have always trusted that you would be nice and hot for me. I turned out the lights and without even checking  jumped right in and wrapped up in you, but it was cold! So so cold! Not even a hint of warmth came from you! You were just so cold! I even shivered.

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What happened? Why did you lie to me? I trusted you, and you betrayed me in the worst way. Nothing but cold all around me! You had officially burned out. You left me heated blanket, when I needed you most….you just left. That was a sad day. A very COLD sad day.

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I knew that day would come eventually, but I thought I had more time. I just thought you had more to give. I didn’t want to believe it was true. I know you felt used. I know you think I only turned you on when I was cold…and you are probably right about that. But do you have any idea how often I get cold. Like I am freezing at 65 degrees. Which is why I always knew you were the perfect match for me.

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Your warmth has made me a better person. Trust me. I’m a bitch when I’m cold!! But the time has come. I must replace you. You no longer have the ability to heat me up the way you used to. We have so many memories but that is all they are now….memories.
There is a new heated blanket in my life. It has digital buttons, and fancy gadgets, and a new fangled pre heating system that would blow your mind. I just needed you to know heated blanket that….well…..I always Loved you…and I always will!! And please don’t think of it as you failed me….even though you did….because I will never forget our times together. You were my best Friend! Heated Blanket…I Love you! ❤

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I hope you all had the BEST Thanksgiving and ate lots of delicious food! I made a video for you. Here is sneak peek at my Thanksgiving! ~ Just for fun!!

LOUISE ALLAN

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