YOU are Dead to Me…part II

If you cut me off just to get in front of me in the 10 items or less line, but you actually have 20 items… You are dead to me.

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If you knock on my door and repeatedly ring my doorbell when my kid is taking a nap… or I am taking a nap… You are dead to me.

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If you tell me “You have too much time on your hands” because I have a hobby… Dead to me.

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If you take my parking spot at the school, and you know damn well I park in the same spot every day… You are dead to me.

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If you show up at my house without calling first, then you are dead to me… Unless of course you brought wine, then you have redeemed yourself and can live…

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Outhouses are DEAD to me. Seriously, those things should be dead to everyone. There is no way to wash your hands in those nasty wasty things!! I’d rather shit on a tree stump. It would be cleaner…

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To the person that bought my 7yr. old a brand new pointy-toed mini barbie because the dog chewed off the feet… That barbie was dead to me…. and now you are…

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The driver side door on my suburban is dead to me! Absolutely DEAD!! The fucking thing won’t shut right…

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Every Lego ever made – DEAD!!!

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Every container of Play dough, kid’s Sand art, tie dye kit, beading jewelry necklace kit, crayola marker making kit, perler beads bag zebra striped 1000 count, crayola melt n mold factory, 50 assorted plastic stamp and paint set – ALL DEAD TO ME! I don’t have the time or patience for that shit! How about you buy us a birthday gift that is already made, cheap ass!

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AHH…The good old days when kids found their own fun…

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The loom rubber band kit with the 1000 band re-fill variety pack – DEAD!!! And now my vacuum is dead because it has sucked up a shit ton of tiny rubber bands…

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The make-up kit that my mom wants to buy my kid for Christmas will probably turn my white carpet into an array of rainbow colors. It’s already dead to me… and it’s not even here yet…

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If I have something in the oven, and it burns… then it is dead to me. I wanted pizza delivered anyway….

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The 10 degrees below zero weather we are having is dead to me, though it may kill me first…

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The squat-kick burn your ass off, and kill your thighs move in Taebo is dead to me. I am certain that the road to hell is paved with Billy Blanks squat-kick moves. Thanks Satan.

 
The hand controllers on my kid’s game systems are dead to me. I am positive they are covered in poop and boogers, and no amount of clorox wipes is making me feel better about it.

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The stretch mark on my stomach that made me get excited because I thought it was an ab… only to realize it is a stretch mark is now dead to me…. That was really rude!

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When the power goes out and screws up everything, and nothing in the house works, and I can’t even flush the toilet… then the power company is dead to me… Literally… I mean the power is DEAD!!

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If you continue to let your dog shit in my yard, then you are dead to me… as is your dog… and their shit!! And I know it’s their shit because that cow pie did not come out of my chihuahua!

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The hole I have in my sock right now as I am writing this is dead to me. The fucking thing is annoying me because I’m pretty sure my big toe is supposed to be IN MY SOCK! Fuck you hole!!! um, that didn’t sound right…

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The mouse that was under my kitchen sink is now officially DEAD! But the memories still live in my mind…

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I made a video!! Just for you!! ~ 🙂   Have A BEAUTIFUL Thanksgiving everyone!~

 

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fearless Leader
    Nov 26, 2013 @ 11:04:29

    Happy Thanksgiving, Vag!

    Reply

  2. Laura Lynn
    Nov 26, 2013 @ 19:46:00

    There are so many things on the ‘dead to you’ list that I’m worried. My ‘dead to me’ list isn’t long enough. I need to get cracking! Does the 18 1/2 lb bird in my fridge count? It’s dead. It will come out dry and take up most of the oven for a good part of the day. No one will eat it because I am basically the only non-vegetarian in my household (Not counting the dogs and cats) and a coyote just ate my rooster today. That coyote is dead to me for sure. He will be dead to the world if I get ahold of him. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. LOVED the video-I am, sadly, a Sherlock fan, although it is swiftly becoming dead to me because Cumberbatch is making other not-so-good-to-me movies. Always excepting Star Trek…

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Nov 27, 2013 @ 09:27:08

      Laura Lynn…it’s true, my “dead” list is very long. I bet I could come out with a part 3! 😉 I am also a Sherlock fan and I agree with you, he hasn’t been on top of the game lately. Of course I Love him as Khan! AND if you get a chance…definitely take out that coyote, I mean…that was just rude of him!! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family! Thank you for always stopping by and leaving awesome comments. I appreciate it very much and always look forward to your hilariousness!!

      Reply

  3. Lisa
    Nov 27, 2013 @ 07:07:13

    Time can be divided into two parts: The time when your show is on, and the time when you’re waiting for your show!!!! For me it’s VIKINGS. A few more months… and it’s… SHIELD WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those freaking loom things are so dead to me. None of us can figure the thing out, and everyone is whining about it and the little rubber bands are all over the place! And when we finally get it together enough to produce something that resembles a bracelet, it breaks or snaps in a minute and everyone gets all bent out of shape! Those things are so dead to me!!! Vagina, have a great Thanksgiving!!!!! You rock! LOVE YOU!!!! xoxoxo

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Nov 27, 2013 @ 09:35:21

      I Love you too Lisa!!! Those loom things SUCK ASS!!! Who ever invented those should have to go around to each house and clean up every rubber band that gets “lost”. I hope you and your BEAUTIFUL family have an amazing Thanksgiving. I appreciate you very much. Tell that bad ass mom-in-law to wear a hoodie when she takes care of that turkey this year. I’ll be over here dreaming of an East Coast Thanksgiving!! ~

      Reply

  4. ComfyTown Chronicles (@ComfyTownChroni)
    Dec 02, 2013 @ 16:21:26

    OMG I had things to say but you hate so many things I forgot. Also I’ve had a few drinks and I’m giggling over here. Your hate really cracks me up!

    Reply

    • Vagina
      Dec 02, 2013 @ 17:14:13

      I don’t hate everything! Just the things on this list, and the list I made before…and maybe the 3rd installment I was thinking about posting….

      Reply

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LOUISE ALLAN

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