Fuck you Very Much!!! grr…( Bitchfest Series)

 

bitchfest

 

Well folks…I have a bitch! So here is the second installment in our Bitchfest series. I am always open and welcome to anybody else’s bitch. I want this to be a place that everyone feels comfortable to bitch about anything they need to bitch about…because sometimes, you just gotta bitch!!!

 

Anyway…my bitch this week may seem lame to some folks but it pisses me off.  So I’m bitching about it!! recently I have started making videos to go with my blog. Lots of people actually make videos. It’s called vlogging. As of recently…I have been doing both. Blogging and Vlogging! Whew…that’s a mouthful isn’t it??… So let’s call it BVLOGGING! I like it…bvlogging..( copyright alyssa danielle(my little sister) 2013)!

 

Anyway, I enjoy doing both. When I started this whole thing, I expected to get some negativity on things, and I did from some very unexpected places. That’s just how it is. People do not always agree.  I have had a couple people comment on my videos with this comment right here..” You have too much time on your hands!”…Well, this response pisses me the fuck off!!! It actually makes me so irritated that I decided to bitch about it.

 

Listen folks…I have issues with anybody that tells another person that they are “too” anything. When a person says ” you are TOO sensitive”…or ” you are Too nice…or Too mean”…It doesn’t matter, basically what they are saying is that you are not right the way you are. To tell someone that they are too sensitive is implying that they need to somehow change how they are to be more like you. That my friends ..is BULLSHIT! If a person is really sensitive… then they are. So fucking what! By pointing it out and saying…” you are too sensitive”…what kind of reply are you expecting with that? Oh..sorry. I’ll change how I am so as to not upset you with my sensitivity!”

 

The reason I find ” you have too much time on your hands” to be offensive is that first of all “Too” much time does not exist! It’s not a thing!  I do what I do in life and that’s it. Sometimes I’m busy and sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I am sitting on the couch watching Spongebob with my kids, and sometimes I’m standing in the kitchen doing a shit ton of dishes. It’s just fucking life. I DO NOT have TOO much time on my hands…I just do what I do! That’s fucking it! And to say that to me is implying that I need more to do. How the fuck does anybody even know what I do in my life.

 

I am going to get a bit personal here and write about my life. I am not a fan of going there, but I want to explain this. I was a very young mom. I had my first baby at the age of 17. Yes…I was a teenage mom.  I have been wiping asses, and having my tits sucked on since I was 17.  The dude I hang out with and I were high school sweetie pies, and are still hanging out 26 years later. I like him..  Anyway…so my point is…I have been doing the mom gig for a long time. I turned 40 this  year..-_-…So I have been wiping asses for a long time. Throughout my years of having babies, I have worked outside of the home, I have done daycare in my home, I have been a stay at home mom. Last year, my baby started kindergarten. It was very strange for me to not have a baby at home. So I started to have some more time in the day while my kids were at school to actually see if there was something I liked to do other than wipe asses and clean up puke.

 

I have always loved writing, and the husband along with some other great people gave me encouragement and said I should start a blog, Then I  can put my writing out there. So I thought….Maybe, I’ll give it a try.  I have found that I enjoy it very much. I love the interaction that I get with other bloggers, and people that read my blog. I have regulars that come around and always leave me the best comments, and I have made some great friends through this gig. I LOVE it. I love making people laugh, and making their day. So when I receive a comment like ” You have too much time on your hands” it irritates me! It is a jab at what I choose to do with my time. I choose to write a blog to entertain people. Sometimes I make a video also to entertain people. I enjoy it. I have made awesome friends who actually enjoy reading my blog, and watching the videos. You know who you are…;) Some facebook people that always come to my page and we have messaged and chatted with each other. Folks that come to WordPress and always leave comments that I look forward to reading. The commenters add so much to everything. I will write something, and because of the people that come and read it, it adds so much more to the actual post. So…there it is.

 

My response to ” you have too much time on your hands” is this :  ~ You don’t know me at all, so you have no fucking clue how much time I have on my hands. I also do not believe there is such a thing as TOO much time. It doesn’t exist! It is NOT a thing! I spend a part of my time writing a blog, and sometimes making videos…but  I enjoy it very much, and it is to entertain the folks that enjoy reading it, or watching the videos. ALSO….If you think I have so much damn time, then you have just as much time because you are on the internet watching the videos and reading the blog…so maybe you have “Too” much time. It takes time to get on the internet and look at shit ya know.  SO…I made another video…yep, because apparently I have loads and loads of time that is just sitting around collecting dust…so I should use  that shit up! Here you go…

 

 

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YOU are dead to me…

If I sit down at a restaurant and I ask for coffee, and you bring me decaf…You are dead to me.

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If I am in the grocery store buying 2 or “more” bottles of Vodka, and 2 or “more” containers of Ben & Jerry’s, and you ask if I am having a party… then you are dead to me! This is a normal night bitch! Don’t judge…

 

 

If I am walking to my car, and you look over the fence to inform me about how high my grass is getting, then you are dead to me.

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Blankets that are too short, when you pull them up over your shoulders, and your feet poke out… they are dead to me. I wanted a blanket, not a napkin.

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If you sneeze without covering within a 1/2 mile radius of where I am… Dead to me.

 
When I am walking by a door and my shirt gets caught on the handle and basically pulls me back so hard that I practically decapitate myself… then that door handle is dead to me.

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If I am eating a Ben & Jerry’s and you ask me to share, then you are dead to me! Even though you are now dead… for future reference the list of NO SHARE items is this: Cupcakes, Ben & Jerry’s, beverages, any and all products containing chocolate! Memorize it Bitch!

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Paper in a notebook without a perforated edge. Dead.

 
Relish… you are dead to me!!… You are the nastiest thing ever created! And to be honest, to me you were never alive.

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If you come into the same public restroom that I am in, and you walk into a stall, make some noise that comes out of your ass… then exit the stall, and keep on going WITHOUT washing your damn hands, then you are dead to me! And now I am fucking stuck in the bathroom because I am NOT touching that door.

 
The last bit of coffee that gets cold before I get to it is dead to me. DEAD!

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If I am sitting at a red light, and look over to see you with your finger so far up your nose it looks like you are touching your brain then you are dead to me.

 
If you flush the toilet without closing the lid first, then you are dead to me. And you just got poop on everything!

 
Calories are dead to me! I am sick and tired of them trying to attach themselves straight to my ass!

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The 3rd leg down on the right side of my couch is dead to me. It has been for a long time. There is not a day that goes by that I do not stub my toe on it!!

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My Itunes password is dead to me!… Literally… dead! I can NOT remember that damn thing to save my life!

 
If I am in a theater and you are sitting behind me and you prop up your nasty ass shoes on the chair I am sitting in, first… you need to get those mofo’s away from my head, and secondly… you are dead to me.

 
If you used the very last of the toilet paper, and didn’t even bother to put a new roll on, you are dead to me!

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This cough due to the cold I have been walking around with for 2 weeks now is dead to me.

 
If you are walking through a door in front of me and you don’t even bother to hold it open, but instead just let it go and it slams me in the face, then you are dead to me as is the door.

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If I come over to your house for dinner, and you are preparing raw chicken in front of me and DO NOT wash your hands before touching everything else, then you are dead to me. Now I have to go hungry… so thanks a lot.

 
If you invite my kid over to your kids birthday party, and send my kid home with a whistle… then you are dead to me, and that whistle is dead to my kids because it is now in the bottom of the trash!( and payback sucks!)

 
The laundry that I forgot about in the washing machine is now all moldy and is smelling dead to me.

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When I am trying to drink out of a straw, but it refuses to actually go in my mouth but instead plays the “you can’t catch me” game and bounces around all over my face, then the straw is dead to me.

Any object that I drop, and bend down to pick up just to drop again is dead to me. I only bend over once bitch!

 
Anything that has more than 4 legs is dead to me! And your imminent death is a certainty!

 

 

My 8 yr. olds farts are dead to me…. actually they are killing the environment they are so bad! What the hell is this kid ingesting because the gas he emits in the air is killing the ozone…

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Chocolate and Vodka are dead to me!!! Whaaaaaa????…Just kidding! I wanted to make sure you were still listening! 😉 are you??… Then you should watch this video! It’s the Halloween Ghosty special I made just for you! ~

 

 

Fucking Neighbors…(not literally)..

I’m not really a neighbor person. I try to not really get into things with them. Listen, I don’t want to come across as a complete asshole here… but I am. So yeah. Haven’t you ever had those times when you just want to be able to walk from your car to your house with your groceries without having to stop and make small talk? I don’t have the patience or the energy for small talk. I have 4 kids, and a lot of shit I have been procrastinating on, and I need to keep procrastinating on it, but I can’t if I have to stop and talk about the fucking weather, or why our grass is so high they can’t see the mountains in the distance. Well…. get a telescope!! So I decided to come up with a list to help you out. This is a list of things you can do to ensure that your neighbors will never ever talk to you. You can walk from your car to your house without the lingering threat of having to talk. Try them all, or just use a few… but they are all guaranteed to make sure you will be left the fuck alone!

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1) Your lawn is high, and you have been putting off mowing it. The neighbors have been giving you the “look” of disapproval over the fence. So you figure… fine I’ll mow the yard. Make sure you are completely naked! NOTHING but headphones. You may have to hold your Ipod, or you can use one of those arm things. Just make sure you have the headphones because if anyone decides to yell anything at you… you can’t hear them. This will work for a push mower or a riding mower. Either way, but you may want to clorox wipe the seat on the rider afterwords.

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2) Keep your door open and bark at anyone that walks by. Don’t just bark… growl viciously, meow, chirp, and even howl. You can do all of them in a systematic way, or just at random.

 

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3) Visit your local junk yard, and find yourself the oldest nastiest toilet you can find. Also pick up an old shower, and you can even throw in a sink. Considering it is a junk yard, you are going to get some screaming deals on all of it. Set up the fake bathroom right smack dab in the middle of your front yard. I would make sure and put the toilet and shower facing the neighbors house. They really can’t complain because technically they are “lawn decorations.”

 

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4) Occasionally use the lawn bathroom! Now remember… it is not an actual working bathroom, so you will have some cleaning to do after you use it…. but hold off on the cleaning for a while. That will really ensure no neighbors coming around.

 

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5) At Christmas time, don’t put lights on the house. Decorate the lawn bathroom! Light that bitch up!!

 

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You can get really festive and add in some personnel touches here and there, like this colored toilet paper…They will appreciate the effort I am sure…

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6) Put a mattress on the roof and then have sex on it. It is your choice if it is with a partner or with yourself. Just make sure you are loud!

 

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7) Hang a bunch of skeletons in your trees by nooses. Only take them down during Halloween time. Once Halloween is over… right back up they go.

 

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8) Build a gazebo right next to your lawn bathroom that is completely built out of pizza boxes. Sort of like a shrine to your most favorite pizza joint. You can even take it one step further and build some benches and lawn furniture out of the pizza boxes. No cheating and using things like wood, and nails. It has to be out of pizza boxes. I promise… you will be taken right off the neighborhood barbecue list. You might be put at the top of the neighborhood watch list as the person to watch… but… it’s worth it.

 

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9) If someone is actually brave enough to walk up your driveway to confront you, (because there is always that one guy)… just make sure that you have posted on your door a visible note that says: “I just got home from the Division of infectious disease at the hospital. I am not feeling well, so please knock lightly on the door. Side note- if you have already touched the door knob, please strip down immediately and follow these instructions on how to decontaminate. You only have 5 minutes from the start of reading this message. Thanks and have a great day.” I bet they won’t knock.

 

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10) And last but not least, you can send out invites to all the neighbors for a dinner that you are hosting. Make sure and let them know that you will be serving Dick Salad for the main course. Most people like to know in advance what is being served. You can let them know that after they fill up on Dick salad you have plenty of vagina ice cream for dessert. Add that the Vagina ice cream is made with “real” Vagina’s…no fillers here!  You will probably have lots of dick salad left because no one is showing up to your dinner party. 😉

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YOUR WELCOME! 🙂

If you find yourself in a situation where you are still having to talk, or interact with people…then I say just run for it!! Run for the door. That’s it, as they start talking….just take off in a full on run and don’t stop. Keep running…just like Forrest Gump, and don’t stop until you get inside. Then pour yourself a nice big glass of anything, and watch this video!

Fucking Bloggers…not Literally..

bitchfest

 

You know what… Sometimes I get pissed. Everyone gets pissed about things on occasion. Usually I bitch about it, then I am over it. But this time… I’m writing about it too. This is the first installment in the Bitchfest by Vagina.  I realize that I am going to piss off some people with this, but I look at it this way… I’m pissed…. So I will piss them off, then they will be pissed, and we can just have a big old fat pissed off party! So yeah…. Anyway… I have been blogging now for about 8 months. I really do enjoy it. The thing I enjoy most about it is when people send me messages and tell me how much I made their day. I absolutely love it when someone tells me that they were having a shitty day, and they came home, read my blog and it made them laugh and smile and turned their whole day around. That is the reason I do it. I really enjoy making someone’s day better.  But there is this whole other side to blogging that I never knew existed until I became one. I have been reading and following other blogs for years. I have my favorite bloggers that I always read because I love the content that they write about. I have been a person that has been writing since I was little. I have always written, just never really put it out there for other people to read. Writing is a passion of mine and always has been.  I know that there are people that resonate with my writing and those people are the reason that I choose to put it out there. I don’t even think I am a good writer. I prefer to write about nonsense and vaginas. It’s just my niche ya know. There is this whole other side of things though. The blogging game! I am not a fan of this game. It’s all about the numbers. How many numbers did I get today? How many views? I am over it. I will not name any names, but there are a few “big” bloggers out there that for some reason think they are too fucking awesome to talk to anybody. Give me a damn break please. Half the time they never respond to anyone that leaves a comment because I guess they are too good for that. All bloggers know that this is a hit and miss thing. Sometimes what you write is a big hit, and other times it isn’t. When you blog, you are coming up with constant content. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s not. Whatever! When these “big” bloggers say they write for themselves, and it’s not about the numbers… then I say BULLSHIT!! YES it is about the numbers, but along the road, a fellow “big” blogger shared your ass and lots of people saw you and now you’re big. So there ya go. Someone helped you along… and I do not understand this bullshit about not helping other people because you think you are too damn good for that.  One of my most favorite bloggers ever is Renagade Mothering. I have been following her for years, and commenting on her posts. I commented on one of her posts about how I have been contemplating starting a blog for years, but just never had the guts to do it. She said to me… “Fucking do it!! Screw the trolls,  we need to stand against them.” So that night… I started this blog and have been going ever since. If she had decided that she was too damn good to talk to me…. then I may have never taken that step. And by actually taking that step,  hearing from someone that I respect and look up to, helped me in a way she may never actually know.  I am the first person to admit that when I see my numbers climbing I get super excited. But everybody else wants the same damn thing.  All of us are putting ourselves out there in hopes that it resonates with someone. Even the “big” bloggers. I am just really over this “I am too big to talk to you” bullshit.  Guess what… you wouldn’t even be big if it wasn’t for the people that come and read your shit. Or the fact that someone decided to give you that chance, so really get the fuck over yourself. I am very thankful to anybody that shares my words. I appreciate it and want to share them back. It’s called being a fucking decent person! Sometimes I think that jumping on the band wagon of a “big” page is simply just that… popular to do it.  I have some blogger friends that are hilarious, and write some really great posts and are very talented, but have low numbers because they just haven’t been seen yet. That doesn’t  mean that they are not as awesome as the “big” name. Anyway… I have no doubt I just pissed off every “big” blogger out there. Actually that is probably not true because the chances of any “big” name checking out this blog are close to none. When I first started blogging, I came across another blogger Le Clown from A Clown on Fire. I am not kidding when I tell you I have seen hundreds of comments on one of his posts and he literally will comment back each and every one. It shows appreciation and caring for the people that took the time to care about your writing. He has also created other avenues for first time bloggers to be able to get their writing seen. Carnies Corner is a wonderful place that bloggers can go and share stories and posts that are important to them, and possibly gain followers. Another HILARIOUS blogger… Comfytown Chronicles. I laugh my ass off reading her stuff, and her and a few other bloggers started a thing called a blog hop where any blogger can go and link up a post they want to share and lots of people can come and check it out. It’s awesome. And truthfully…. what is the big deal with actually sharing someone else? Considering most people have different taste when it comes to what they choose to read. Not everybody is going to connect with the same type of writing.   I get that some of the “big” blogger  people are like.. “Oh I just have so many comments and messages and I just can’t possibly talk to all of these fans”, but remember they are the reason you are even “big.”  So there ya go. I just want to write great stories, and make people laugh. That’s it!! I want to always try and interact with the people that take the time out of their day to actually look at my shit. I want them to know I appreciate them. I want them to know as much as I made their day, they made mine.  And we are all just people doing the same thing. If any blogger out there says they don’t care about the numbers… they are fucking lying. And if they say… “Sorry..I don’t share people”… then that makes them an asshole.. Because what if somebody said “sorry..I don’t share people” to them? Then I guess they would still be out there trying to get their shit read!

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 Soooo…end of Bitch! BUT It’s not over yet… I made another video because apparently I enjoy putting off everything in my life that I SHOULD be doing, and instead I would rather screw around with a video camera and make videos for you guys. 🙂

 

Bitchfest Series!

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I am starting a new series of blogs called the “bitchfest series.” I normally write funny nonsense. I enjoy writing funny nonsense. I am not at all a fan of the serious shit. There are plenty of blogs, and plenty of people out there that write about, and talk about the serious topics in life on a regular basis. But recently… I was reading something that just completely pissed me off and I thought… you know what…. I have an opinion about this. I’m not planning on going off on a whole thing about religion or politics because it’s just not my thing. Plus… I really do not write that kind of stuff very well anyway. You can find great articles and blogs on all of that serious stuff. So this “bitchfest series” is just going to be a collection of blog posts that basically are me bitching about stuff that makes me crabby. It may possibly contain topics pertaining to religion or politics, just more in a bitchy way than a real informative way. I am hoping that you all will join in the bitchfest and openly bitch about whatever you need to bitch about. I want this to be an open forum for anyone to feel free to say anything they want to. Get some things off your chest. It can be as big as politics, or as little as spilling coffee on your shirt. If you disagree with anything that I am “bitching” about… you can bitch right back. Leave your comments, leave your stories, or just bitch about anything. Chances are that most of these posts will be published around the same time every month. And if you are wondering… yes… it’s that time of the month! Sometimes you just need to let it out….so join me in this bitchfest, and let’s bitch about stuff. It will make you feel better. I thought of calling this series “fuck off”… but that doesn’t seem PC if you know what I mean. The first installment in the bitchfest series is going to be “Fucking Bloggers… not literally.” This will be posted on Tuesday. I usually do my blog posts every Tuesday. I will not be posting bitchfest posts every week, but if anyone has an idea or really just wants to bitch about something… you can email me your idea or bitch complaint and I can set up a post for you. Making the world a happier place one bitch at a time!! Happy Bitching Folks!

 

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Expectation vs. Reality…

Expectation vs. Reality. You all know what I am talking about right? You have a wedding that you are suppose to be a bridesmaid in. You have it marked on your calendar, you already have the dress, you have been eating salads and light yogurt for 4 weeks now, and you even went to the hair salon and had your roots dyed the day before the wedding. In your mind you see yourself walking down the aisle fitting fabulously in your dress. Even though the dress is turquoise with a magenta collar, you know that eating all those salads has paid off and your hair is looking great and you will be fine. You know that you are going to be running into people you haven’t seen in years, and they are for certain going to be so enamored at how awesome you look. So you get to the place, your friend who is getting married looks beautiful, and you head to the changing room to put on your dress. BUT… the fucking dress won’t go up over your hips. So you try over the head…. which fucks up your hair completely. You get it on, only to find out it won’t zip up. What the fuck!! All those damn salads and yogurt… why is this not zipping? You have to suck the life out of your lungs to get it to actually zip and you know that if you breathe in even just a little bit, the sides of that dress are splitting. Great! And you have to pee! AWESOME!! So you very carefully hover over the toilet trying not to move around too much so the dress doesn’t bust open, and in the process, piss all down your leg. You actually got some piss on the dress too. You dry up as best as you can with toilet paper O.O! You get ready to walk down the aisle, and you are 3rd in line. The other bridesmaids start walking, and then it is your turn. You are walking with the brides little brother. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, and she needed to place him somewhere. The thing is… you just saw him digging in his nose. Which could be part of the reason he is still without a girlfriend. Anyway… he grabs your hand and you know damn well it was just up his nose. ICK! You both start walking and for some reason you feel a breeze near your ass. When you went to the bathroom, you stuffed the back of your dress in your underwear trying to keep it from falling in the toilet, and completely forgot. Only now as people are staring at you, and the other bridesmaids are making funny gestures do you realize that the back of your dress is still stuffed in your underwear. Cool! This is an example of expectation vs.. reality. No this did not happen to me, well… not exactly like that. Okay… yes I pissed on myself, and yes, the dress wouldn’t go over my ass…. but I remembered to pull the dress out from my underwear. And FYI… her little brother needs to keep his damn fingers out of his nose. He is like 35. Anyway… I created this list of expectation vs. reality for your viewing pleasure. So here ya go.

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Taking the kids out to a restaurant:

 

Expectation – We all sit so nicely and quietly through a wonderful dinner. The waitress brings the kids their drinks and food and the kids politely say thank you so much. She will comment on how polite my kids are because she never sees that. My kids eat the food on their plate, and tell me how great it all is, because I always choose the best restaurants. We have wonderful conversations about how the day was… and the kids tell me how they ate all their food so no need for ice cream afterwords because they are satisfied. We all happily leave the restaurant.

 
Reality – We ask the person for a booth because it seems a little easier to control these crazy people (my kids) in a booth. They take us to a booth. I am telling the kids what is on the menu, and they HATE everything. They hate this restaurant, they hate the food, they aren’t hungry, and they want to go home! AWESOME!!! Because 5 minutes ago in the car, they were fucking starving!! So we order the food, and the whole time we are waiting my kids are whining that the food isn’t coming fast enough. Finally it arrives, and they don’t like it.

 

Me: “Try it”

 

Kid: “Super whine… I don’t like it… it looks mushy, and gooshy… it looks like boogers, I don’t like it”

 

ME:

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Oh and big mistake on choosing a booth….they keep turning around to talk to the people in the booth behind us, and annoying them.Dropping food on their side. There is more food on the floor, the table, and the other people than in my kids mouth! AWESOME!!

Going on a date with the husband:

 
Expectation – I’m dressed to the nines… looking pretty damn hot if I do say so myself. He’s looking hot too! We have the babysitter lined up and she actually arrives on time. The kids are getting along so well, that we are able to slip out the door because no one is fighting and hanging off our leg. We head out to a super fancy restaurant and we fill up on margaritas and hors d’oeuvres. We make it home and the sitter has the kids asleep in their beds. So we have sex all night long….:)

 
Reality – I’m dressed to the nines… looking pretty damn hot if I do say so myself. He’s looking hot too! As I come out of my bedroom, my son wraps his arms around me and his hands are covered in a substance that is sticky and gross and now it is all over me. I wipe it off as best as I can because I have nothing else clean to wear so I end up having a huge nasty stain that stays sticky all night. Awesome! The baby sitter is 30 minutes late which means we can’t make it to the fancy restaurant we had planned. I guess it’s the pancake house for us.!  The kids are freaking out because they want to come and they are fighting and screaming at each other and hanging off of us and all we can do is run for it. Seriously…. RUN FOR IT!!! Not only did the pancake house suck… but we have to stop at Walmart on the way home because the sitter called and said that they ran out of toilet paper and the toilet plugged and she does not know what to do because the 6 yr. old has to go poop, and there is nothing to wipe with. I say use a coffee filter… she says there are none. Walmart on a date night… awesome! We make it home to ALL the kids still awake, and still screaming at each other… so NO SEX TONIGHT!!! Awesome!

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Putting on my skinny jeans:

 
Expectation – Damn these fit so good. Look at my ass in these bad boys. I am friggin HOT!! Look at my ass in this mirror… (making sure to shake it over and over)

Reality- FUUUUUUCCKKKK!!!!

 

Helping in my kids classroom:

 
Expectation – Me: Hi kids, I’m here to read you a story.

 
Kids: Yaaaay, we love stories. (all kids sitting quietly just listening to me read to them.)

 
Reality – Me: Hi kids, I’m here to read you a story.

 
Kids: You brought that story last time. Is it boring? What is it about?

 
Me: Well, let’s all listen and we will find out.

 
As we are sitting and I am reading, one kid farts so loud the whole class starts laughing. Another kid has his finger up his nose so far I swear he pulled out brain matter… and then of course he touches me… EVERY DAMN TIME!! Another kid keeps untying my shoe and trying to re-tie it back up. Dude… leave the shoe and listen to the story!

Going to the gym:

 
Expectation – I have on my yoga pants, and sneakers… I am ready to get in a good workout. I am going to use the eliptikal, and then maybe the punching bag, and I will try and get some running on the track in. This is going to be the best workout of my life. Maybe I will even take a Zumba class and shake my bootie!

 
Reality – Oh… They have pumpkin lattes out now…. I’m just going to get a small one. “Yes, can I have a 24 oz pumpkin latte with a raspberry and chocolate scone, and throw in that chocolate chip muffin there. It looks really good.” 🙂

Going to Walmart:

EXPECTATION:

REALITY:

They are exactly the same. Yes..you will see someone’s crack. Yes…you will smell something that you can’t place, but you know it is bad. Yes..you will step in something gross that may never actually come off of your shoe. ( it’s never a good idea to wear open toe shoes to walmart) and Yes…you will witness someone doing something with a motorized cart. It can be a number of different things…but you will see it!

 

There is also this. I made another video. It seems I have become addicted to making videos for you…so check this out. Expectation vs. Reality…

LOUISE ALLAN

writer & author

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