Nope!! Not this day…I don’t want to…

Have you ever just woke up and thought to yourself…” Nope…I just don’t want to!” Yeah…that’s like everyday for me. πŸ˜‰ But seriously…sometimes I just don’t want to. I don’t want to fight with the kids to get them up. I don’t want to make them breakfast. I don’t want to drive them to school. I don’t want to clean the toilets. I don’t want to go to the grocery store. AND most of all…I don’t want to exercise. I just don’t.




Well…I got up, fought with the kids, dropped them off at school, went to the grocery store, and now here I am. Sitting here….writing this instead of exercising. The thought of exercising right now is making me sick. Seriously…I just don’t want to. Here is a list of things I would rather do right now than exercise today.

1. I would rather pluck every piece of hair on my body out with tweezers. I’m talking even the hard to reach ones. you know…the ones in THOSE places….

2. I would rather clean out my 8 yr. olds hutch which is basically a certifiable hoarding zone. This kid is hoardzilla. He won’t throw ANYTHING away. I have had to stuff crap in my bra to get it by him so he doesn’t notice. Check out this picture I took right before I threw all that shit away. There is a fucking triscuit box in there. A TRISCUIT BOX FOLKS!!!!

DSCN0150 DSCN0148

3. I would rather have diarrhea than actually put on my fucking sneakers and get on the stupid eliptikal because at least you can take your phone in the bathroom with you and play solitaire while you are pooping. ( not that I do that)…I do though…

toilet (1)

4. I would rather eat my kids toenail clippings than exercise today. Okay…that’s not entirely true…they need to be covered in chocolate first…then it’s a go.


5. I would rather watch a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon and honey-booboo re-runs than exercise today.


6. I would rather masturbate with a zucchini than exercise today. Hey…don’t knock it…some of those zucchinis get ginormous…



Monster Marrow_thumb[1]

7. I would rather go to Walmart and have to follow around one of those folks in a motorized cart all through the store than exercise today. Unless they aren’t wearing deodorant. That might be a deal breaker…


8. I would rather eat the tub of cheeseballs from Walmart, then when the tub is empty fill it up with Vodka and drink the cheesy chunky vodka with a big ol straw then exercise today.


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9. I would rather watch Miley Cyrus twerk naked and rub up all over a wrecking ball, and then make out with a sledge hammer instead of exercise today. woops….she did that didn’t she??


Poor Thor…. How about this instead…


10. And last but not least, I would rather sit on my ass and do NOTHING than exercise today. Which is what I am now doing! So…there it is…



There is always this… I mean…it could be fun trying anyway…


Wait a minute…it’s not over yet! I would much rather make another crazy video than exercise today. So….I did…:) Here ya go…



15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura Lynn
    Sep 17, 2013 @ 11:29:19

    LOVE this video. (I thought I was the only one who threw laundry.) Plus the dog. The dog is really wonderful. And the moves. And the awesome 90’s effect. I’m nominating this to include it in Aspen Film Week. (if that’s a real thing let me know)


  2. Claudia Bette
    Sep 17, 2013 @ 13:37:16

    HAHA! I hear that! Exercise has been my almost daily routine now. So far, I haven’t had a super bad day where I just want to sit and not run on that treadmill. Well, except once but I think I was getting sick and then felt better after the exercise.

    Now the grocery store…I hate loathe and despise shopping of ANY kind whether it be for food, clothes or furniture…blegh!


    • Vagina
      Sep 17, 2013 @ 17:11:48

      I hate the grocery store too! Ick!! I have no doubt I could come up with just as many things I would rather do than go to the grocery store.


  3. Criss
    Sep 18, 2013 @ 02:58:27

    LOL Love the video. I think you can give yourself a break from exercise…after all dancing and laundry is a very good work out! Might want to rethink the zucchini! Bahaha


  4. lisaeggs
    Sep 18, 2013 @ 07:02:22

    Vagina, we have many startling similarities between us! My son is a straight-up hoarder and I have seen him hoard Ellio’s Pizza boxes in the cabinet next to his bed! I hesitate to even tell you that because it is so weird that we both have boys who are equally as weird and it just looks like I’m lying! I am really impressed by this post b/c it implies that you exercise on like a regular basis and feel guilty if you miss a day! I need some of that! So I guess I don’t even have to say that my favorite line in this here post was “CHOOSE WISELY MY FRIENDS…” I think I injured my rib on that one. Love the video! You are so darn cute! I also chuck my laundry and often forget to take it to the next level and just leave it on the stairs for hours, which my husband really hates. Also, in viewing your last video I got it in my head that maybe you posted other videos on youtube in the past and I should investigate, and my little seach (of about 1 minute, it really wasn’t that hard to find) came up with Leave Babysideburns Alone! HAHAHAHA! Have you seen the video she posted of herself Prancerciseing? HILARIOUS. I completely lost it when she chucked that maxi-pad across the grass. Oh and I also love how we get a look at your notorious little dog at the end of your video!!!! xoxoxoxo


    • Vagina
      Sep 18, 2013 @ 10:21:43

      haha…I LOVE that you checked out my other video. I think it might be a thing for me. I have fun making them. I’m working on another one for next week. AND what is it with little boy hoarders. O.O I asked my son why the triscuit box dude?? I don’t get it….is their a sentimental attachment with it, and he just looked at me like I was the crazy one. πŸ˜‰ I actually try to exercise every day but it doesn’t always happen. I need stronger willpower. Plus, I have an addiction to Ben & Jerry’s so that kind of complicates things. I am sooo glad you liked it. I always get excited about your comments. I can’t wait to see what you think. πŸ˜‰


  5. dribbles and grits
    Sep 18, 2013 @ 16:06:43

    I said this 9 hours ago in a super secret facebook group,

    “LIke seriously, I’d rather get a pap smear and give the gay guy at the BP a blow job than wake up my kids.”

    Our minds, on the same page they are.


  6. List of X
    Sep 18, 2013 @ 23:33:00

    Honestly, I hate exercise too. I play soccer and tennis, bike and hike – anything so that I don’t have to exercise.
    My lists of 10 are the only type of exercise I actually do.


    • Vagina
      Sep 19, 2013 @ 09:23:42

      I think the lists of 10 is exactly enough exercise! I just don’t understand those folks that are so excited to exercise. I find it to be a very sucky way to spend my time.


  7. A Pleasant House
    Sep 20, 2013 @ 11:18:15

    Love the video! I think I’ll try it.


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