My kids are going to back to school next week. September 3rd is the first day back to school. Now listen…I don’t want to come across as a complete jerk here, but I might. I was the mom that cried on the first day of school for all my kids. Starting with my oldest who is now in college, down to my youngest who started kindergarten last year. I bawled!! I stood at the door and bawled as I watched my baby go in the classroom. It was hard. I knew I would miss them and it is also a sign that they are now getting older and becoming more independent and all of that. Even though inside I know it’s a good thing, it still was heart wrenching. It took me about 3 days to realize how stupid I am!! 😉 I was able to do Zumba without having to stop even once. I have NEVER been able to do Zumba without having to stop to help someone with something. It was a miracle. So I was thinking about how school is getting ready to start and decided to write the top ten things I will be doing on the the first day of school. It’s always good to be organized.
1) I will pee and poop all on my own. I’m not sure I will be able to manage it considering I have had an audience all summer long, but I’m going to try. The one thing I may miss from having the audience is the moment when you realize there is NO toilet paper, and usually there is someone hanging around the bathroom that can get me some. That could be a problem…but I’ll take it.
2) I will drink my coffee in silence. Pure silence….One sip, then another. I won’t have to worry about someone holding drippy yucky hands over my cup and dripping who knows what in my coffee.
3) I will eat a Reeses for lunch straight out in the open. I will not duck behind the washing machine or hide in the closet like some kind of animal. I will proudly and openly eat my Reeses. The dog will be judging me with his judgy dog eyes, but I will NOT CARE!
4) I will pick up the legos, and half of them will accidentally fall into the trash. Shhh…Those bitch legos are getting what they deserve!! No more stabbing me in the foot every time I walk across the floor!! Those bitches are going down….literally…like in the bottom of the trash kind of down…
5) I will take a nap!…maybe…I don’t know sometimes I feel weird sleeping in the house when I’m alone. I might have to make sure there is no killer weirdos on the loose or something first….
6) I will go grocery shopping BY MYSELF!! No kids hanging off the cart asking for every damn thing, putting things in the cart that I didn’t even know were there, having to take someone to the nasty public restroom every 3 seconds. I will put chocolate in the cart without the fear that they saw it and are going to steal it from me. I am BAD ASS!!
7) I will watch Doc Mcstuffins instead of Dora because Dora sucks ass. I keep telling these kids that Doc Mcstuffins is better, but they want Dora. Well,…they’re not here now so guess what?! I’m watching Doc!…..suckas…
8) I will dance all over the damn house with the music blaring really bad songs like Eminem, or Macklemore. The more cuss words the better…
9) I will take a shower AND shave my legs. I might need an industrial razor to get through this forest, …but Imagine this….a full shower…woop!
10) I will laugh the most evil laugh….just because. I will just sit here and laugh maniacally. The dog will think I am crazy, and if anyone does break in they will definitely think I am crazy…but that’s okay!!
So there is my To Do List for September 3rd. I am ready. To be honest…there are also the things I will miss. I will miss my little boy coming in to the room every morning and snuggling up next to me while his hair tuffs poke me in the eye. I will miss laying on the trampoline with the kids at night looking at the stars in the sky. I will miss not having to be anywhere at any certain time!! I will miss the late nights with my daughters staying up until 3 in the morning talking about nonsense. I will miss making smores at 10 oclock at night on the grill because it’s still light out. I will miss playing zombie tag in the middle of the day…just because. So now I’m crying. I guess I’m not as Bad Ass as I think. BUT I will enjoy the chocolate….