That’s what this is. A thank you to a clown! Let me explain. I have been blogging for months now, and when I finally got my ass moving, and opened up my blog and started writing, of course I noticed the clown. The clown that is all over wordpress with his red nose and white face, and that look. You know the one I am talking about….THE LOOK, that only A Clown on Fire can give you. He visited my writing, commented on some things, left his “like” mark, and was gone in a flash. Well of course my curiosity had been peeked and I needed to know more about this clown. Why does he look at me like that…with those clown eyes, and that clown stare that I can’t seem to look away from. It’s almost mesmerizing…in a balloon animal sort of way. Of course it did not take long for me to be hooked. I became a faithful Carnie instantly. How could I not? His writing is beyond words…his presence is one that commands your attention and it’s hard to look away. I’m serious…..try and look away. Just try…you can’t!! It’s like if you were to have lunch with Darth Vader, and you met up at a cafe and there you are sitting across from fucking Darth Vader. Look away….just try! I purposely likened Le Clown to Darth Vader. Do you not see the similarities here? You are drawn to this clown of magnificence in the most pulling kind of way, almost like the force is behind this thing, and yet you know that if you look away he could be gone in a flash and you may not see him again. Le Clown quickly became a mentor in the blogoshpere for me. I have followed him around like a puppy dog ( not in a stalkery kind of way)…a little stalkery!~ He has captivated me with the blogs that he oversees, the words that he writes, and the unbelievable way he helps bloggers. New bloggers, old bloggers, serious bloggers, even the crazy bloggers. You will find Le Clown somewhere commenting, or sharing their name, or giving them a shout out or a chance to be heard. He has done amazing things for the blogging community.
So Here I was…going along with my usual checking out blogs, and commenting, and doing my bloggy thing, and Le Clown appears and says to me…” you should write something for Black Box Warnings.” WHAAAAAA???? UHHHH????? can you repeat that…..on tape please….recorded tape…just in case you regret that comment later! Let me give you a run down of the feelings I had at that moment. Excited, delighted, ecstatic, freaked the fuck out, unsure, beaming, disbelief..( because why me?) and utter happiness. Le Clown actually likes my writing. I mean…maybe he doesn’t really “like” it…but he thought I had the ability to write for one of his blogs, and that is a big deal! So next came the insecurities. How the fuck am I going to write for Black Box Warnings. I write about making shitty food, and cleaning toilets- (not at the same time). So I sat down at my computer….and I sat there. Then I sat there some more. Then I pulled up you tube and watched Jenna Marbles, and Benedict Cumberbatch interviews for like an hour. Listen….if I am going to be real…I’m going ALL IN!!! Then I started to write. It was almost as if I was suppose to write this. I have always been the person that believes every encounter I have with someone or experience is happening exactly to take me to the next step of this journey. Even more so now….when I meet someone, or something is put in my life…I try and step back and see exactly where this is taking me. I believe everything has a purpose. I know I was suppose to write this because it all just flowed entirely too easy. But revisiting that old shit was not exactly heart warming. It brought up a lot of stuff. Buried stuff! Things I choose to leave far in the past because if I sat and re-lived this shit over and over I would be a basket case. Not that I do not reside in a basket most of the time anyway. So in reality….this clown opened up more for me than he may ever, ever know. A healing that was suppose to be. That I have been fighting for many years. A clown comes into my life, and my life changes!! I guess that is the way it is with clowns. A major amount of healing to my soul has happened, and this was just another step in that journey. The day I posted that letter…I had the craziest emotions all day. I kept going back and forth through..” I shouldn’t have said that”, to ” I am free.” I am FREE, and I know that!! So this is my BIG thank you to a clown that selflessly has created avenues for bloggers to open up themselves to new things. To be heard!! To speak their words, and become FREE. I can tell you that the day Le Clown said “fuck you” to me, was the day I knew I would be a Carnie FOREVER! I will never forget our meeting for coffee. He was very polite, and always a gentleclown. He has always told me my writing is fierce. I may be fierce ( and I am)..but aren’t ALL Vagina’s fierce?! I held the door open for sir clown, because although I am fierce..I am not barbaric. That was a fun day. I have much gratitude for this clown. Le Clown, you did not just let me write a story…you helped heal a soul! So THANK YOU my FRIEND! You inspire me with your words, and I will always faithfully follow Le Clown. but you need to carry around a light saber more. I think it would make you more daunting. A clown with a fucking light saber…I mean come on!!! …and maybe ride around in a Tardis..