“Are you Not Entertained”~

"Are you not Entertained"

Hey there my sweet little Super stars!! I love it when you come for a visit. You are my favorite friends. So I was thinking since all of my amazing readers are the coolest people ON this floating rock that is orbiting around the sun, that I would like to take you beautiful people out to lunch. I am always up for eating…and I like hanging out with you guys, so hey…let’s do this. What do you say friends?? Okay….I’m picking the place. What happens next is an absolutely TRUE story. This happened! ¬†And since I can’t have lunch with each and every one of my amazing readers for real, I figured this would be just as good as going to lunch together. This is a walk through the experience that you would have for sure if we were to have lunch together. First I apologize for embarrassing you, but remember it’s really more embarrassing being me in this situation so…hey, your just along for the ride! ūüôā ¬†and I’m really only here for your entertainment purposes anyway!

Today there was the most delicious bowl of salsa that was in front of me, with these blue chips that were HUGE! I mean these things were like the size of a gigantic tortilla.

Anyone that knows me also knows that when it comes to chips and salsa, it is really impossible for me to pass it up….among other things…( ie: Chocolate). Anyway, so it looks yummy and I decide to go for it. I get a Big blue chip and basically use the chip as a shovel and fill it up with the salsa. As I am getting ready to take a bite, ALL the salsa drops straight on my shirt. Of course mostly landing in the boob area!! * SIGH! So I “Clean” it off the best that I can with the tools available to me. That would be a napkin. Just imagine the badge of salsa I am wearing at this point. What you imagined I have no doubt is exactly how I looked. Of course I can’t resist and decide I am going in again. I grab another Big blue chip, fill her up, and……yep…….you guessed it. The thing doesn’t reach my mouth but instead drops all over my shirt. AGAIN!! Wow, really,…really salsa??..Why you gotta do me like that??.. ALL I am thinking at this point is “Why you gotta do me like this salsa…I thought we were friends..” -_-

salsa

So, being the determined person that I am, and due to the fact that I have not yet tasted this salsa even a little bit, I decide to go in for number 3. I am NO QUITTER!…and I really want this salsa….probably even more now. You know that whole…if you can’t have something, you want it more thing. Plus it’s almost like I have something to prove to this salsa now. It doesn’t own me, or control me. The salsa might think it does…but it is NOT the boss of me and can NOT tell me how to live my life!! – I may have gotten off subject there – Yeah….well, anyway I also figure 3rd times a charm right?!? So here I go. I get the Big blue chip, I fill it up, and I am being extra careful this time. I mean at this point, what do I have to lose. I’ve already compromised my dignity, and let’s not even bring up my pride at this point. Slowly I bring the chip to my mouth and it actually makes it in, but because the chip is the size of my head, most of the salsa runs down the side of my mouth and chin. ūüôā Not only do I now look like I just battled in Gladiator, but also like I have no idea how to eat like a human!

I have salsa all over my face like war paint, and it’s in my hair too. BRAVO!!! Well…I can say now that the salsa was good. It looks like I tried to feed it to my shirt, boobs, and half of my crotch, but it was still good. The Moral of the story….I may not be as cool as I think!…..and if you eat salsa, for the love of all that is good and holy, use a decent size chip to eat it with! I Digress….Chips and Salsa Win!!

F A T ~

I have, on occasion, tried to get a bit more serious with my writing. I love to write. I have always loved to write, but as all of you beautiful moms out there know, those little people have tendencies of taking up a lot of our time, so things get put on hold for a while. Anyway…I was reading something the other day about Jennifer Lawrence’s eating habits. Someone literally wrote an entire story about what this girl eats. I didn’t even think it was possible to write an entire story about the eating habits of another person. The first thing that came to my mind was….why does anybody care what another person is eating? Why is this a thing? As a girl raised in America, like so many others, I have been bombarded with the images of skinny girls that wear next to nothing. ¬†I try very hard to not be a judgmental person. I live by the motto…”Live and let Live.” Everyone has a right to be who they are, and do as they do and not be judged for it. But… we have this whole media thing that shoves ideas in our faces about what perfection is. What normal is. What you are suppose to achieve to be successful. Why does anybody think they have a right to tell another person what is successful? We all have our road. It will never be the same as another’s. All of the things I have experienced in my life have brought me to where I am right at this moment. No other person can have an understanding of where I am at because it is my experience and my road. That is the reason that judgement is such a bullshit thing! The truth is, when you spend your time looking at other people and thinking that they are “wrong” or should be doing things different..then really it probably says more about you than anything. How can anyone fix themselves, enjoy their own journey, or come to a place of understanding if they are spending all their time focused on what someone else is doing? You can NEVER understand why another person does something unless you are them!! It is impossible to judge someone without knowing what is, first of all, going on in their life, or what is going on in their head, or in their heart. My favorite is when people judge another person for the EXACT same thing that they have done. That is always fun! To have someone tell you that you are “wrong” yet you clearly remember when they themselves had done the very same thing they are judging you for. Whatever. I realize this is the way things are. This is the world we live in. Everyone is looking at everyone else and judging. The thing is, everything we think is just that…nothing more than thoughts. They mean nothing! Only to the person having them. Everything is a thought. That’s it. Anyone can think whatever they want….it doesn’t make it true and it changes nothing. It means nothing. So why not make your thoughts AMAZING!!!! Instead of looking at what someone else is doing or not doing, make your thoughts about what YOU are doing or not doing. Look within….change what you want to change about yourself instead of wanting to change others. Because life will change others. Their experiences and journey will change them on it’s own. NOT judgement coming from people. If you were to go up to an alcoholic, and call them an alcoholic, do you think they would stop? Do you think they didn’t already know? This applies to anything in life. We all know ourselves and what we do more than anyone else. I have daughters, and this country we live in is so enamored by Thin. To be thin is to be praised. I always think of those pictures of Hollywood women at those glamorous parties that have tables full of the most amazing exotic food, yet no one is touching the food. But that is the way it is. You are praised when you can sit next to a bunch of delicious food and not eat it. Why does anybody care what another person is eating anyway? I still can not understand this. Being healthy is important, I agree, but when is it anybody else’s business to decide whether someone is healthy or not just by looking at them? It goes back to this judging thing. How can anyone judge someone based on such little information? Just because a person has weight on them, does not make them unhealthy. No one has the right to assume that. I worry about my daughters so much because I know this judgement is out there. I want them to be happy, and healthy, and successful in all that they do. I have 4 kids, and have raised them all the same. ¬†My little one is a lover of snacks. She always has been. When she was a baby and I would be breast feeding her, she would be in a dead snooze and I would start to take my boob out of her mouth and she would wake up instantly, grab it and shove it back in her mouth. This is who she is. She likes to snack. I too like to snack. My mom is exactly the same way, she happens to be one of these people that get’s up in the middle of the night and snacks straight out of the fridge, and she is rail thin! I eat between meals sometimes. I just do that. SO FUCKING WHAT!! Why the hell does anybody care that I like to eat chips and salsa at 11:30 at night. I can tell you that when it comes to exercize I am a friggin BOSS! I run 5 miles a day, and on top of that I do Taebo, or Zumba, or something like that. I just don’t eat right. I eat salads and veggies a lot, but I eat shitty a lot too. I happen to LOVE chocolate, and I love it even more when it is covered in peanut butter. ¬†This is literally who I am!! I like junk food sometimes. And just for a side note, I am positive I have a six pack. I work on that shit every day. I just choose to be one of these folks that doesn’t want to keep it sitting out in the open. I mean….I could damage my six pack if I walked around with it just sitting on top of my stomach like that so I choose to ¬†keep it safe under a layer…or two…or maybe three of fat. I can tell you nothing is going to harm my six pack…It’s nice and safe in there!! but…I have gotten off subject again so I digress.

 

There is so much written about what you should eat and what you shouldn’t eat and when you should and shouldn’t eat and on and on. I NEVER buy soda. My kids don’t drink it. We NEVER eat fast food. I do not take my kids to Mcdonalds. I am not against it…we just don’t eat there much at all. I breast fed my kids and never gave them formula. (According to statistics, these are the things you need to do so that your kids do not become overweight.) You know what.. people look at my little munchkin and assume she eats Mcdonalds and drinks soda because she happens to be chunkier than my other kids. She is adorable and cute, and I love this child to pieces, and yet she is judged by others just because of the way she looks. Nothing pisses me off more!!! My little girl has never even had soda in her life, and yet other people assume they know exactly how she is being raised. My son who is a gangly boy and hates veggies (getting him to try a carrot is like pulling teeth) is boney as can be and yet my little girl who is considered “chubby” will eat an entire plate of broccoli. ¬†The other day, I read a post that literally broke my heart. Some guy posted about an obese woman and her fat child and how disgusted fat children make him. He basically said he hates fat kids and it is all the mother’s fault and they should just go away. This post did nothing more than show how judgmental and inhuman he is. It seems so easy to judge someone on their weight and say something mean about it, especially if you have not had this issue in your life. When something is presented in your life, and shows up in YOUR backyard…only then does it become harder to judge. When it is YOUR child that is gay, or overweight, or an alcoholic, or addicted to drugs, or addicted to anything, then it becomes something that you now have in your world, and to judge others becomes much more difficult. By the Way….my dog is gay as fuck, so you know what I did…I bought him a rainbow sweater and he wears that thing LOUD and PROUD!!! He is who he is….No judgement here.

 

gay dog

The (shit) Storm of the Century!

English: Porta-potty with rattlesnake warning ...

Five reasons why I would rather pee my pants than use a public restroom: I have no doubt I could probably come up with more than five reasons, I could probably go on and on and on all day about why public restrooms are the nastiest things in existence but I will try and stick with five. I want to start by telling you a story that officially happened to me about ten years ago or so and I truly believe this was the moment when my complete phobia of public toilets came about. I used to work at a place called “Kids Fun Center.” Now, you probably do not need any more information on this story other than that because I am sure you can imagine the “Fun” that went down in a place called “Kids Fun Center.” This place was a building that had play structures, the same ones you find in the Mcdonalds play centers. There were big plastic tunnels and slides all connected together so kids could run through them and get lost up in there, and puke or shit because for some reason there is always a kid that pukes or shits in those tunnels. Then every other kid will just ignore the puke or shit as if it’s not really there, and crawl right through it. Now that almost every kid in the place is covered in someone else’s puke and shit, it’s become like a scavanger hunt to try and find the actual kid that it originally came from. And let’s not even get into the smell of the building at this point. There is also the ball pits that kids love to pee in. It’s not the same thing as peeing in the pool kids!! At least in the pool, you’re actually wet and when you get out no one can tell. Do these kids not realize that after peeing in the ball pit, you can see the pee on their clothes? Everybody knows it was you!!!! And don’t even get me started on the adults that piss in those things! O.O

So…back to my public restroom story. Here it is, a busy saturday, and I’m standing at the ticket counter taking kids tickets so they can pick prizes from the prize shelf, when a kid runs up to me and says, “Someone pooped in the bathroom.”

I say, “Okay…well that is where people go poop, so what’s the big deal.”

The kid says, “There is poop on the floor.”

I think-¬†kill me now please! So, I prepare myself for seeing something icky, but I did not prepare myself for what looked like someone had been murdered and the weapon of choice was shit. I opened the door, stepped into the bathroom and literally was stuck frozen in my spot. I am not even sure I can describe it to you. There was poop¬†absolutely¬†everywhere but in the toilet. If you have ever seen the movie Trainspotting, that is a good description of what I was looking at. It was on the walls, it was on the floor, it was on the mirror, the sink, and even though this one may be hard to believe….I am telling you true….it was on the ceiling. On the friggin ceiling was shit!!! I was afraid to move. I felt like if I moved, the shit would jump on me and attack me and take me down somehow. I was terrified!! Shoes were never allowed past the front gates, so all of the foot prints that had made it’s way through this murder scene of shit were people that had gone into the bathroom and, for some crazy ass reason, neglected to see that they were walking in shit and instead walked straight through it and tracked it EVERYWHERE! Basically no one was safe. Shit was everywhere…LITERALLY everywhere and we were all contaminated with it because by now I can’t even tell you how many people trudged through it, touched it on the sink handles, touched it on the door handles, and went on out the door to continue to play as if they hadn’t just walked through shitville. I was afraid to breathe in at this point. The only choice was to grab the shit handle and run for my life…or just sit there. Well… you can guess the choice I made…. I fucking RAN!! This experience scarred me!¬†Seriously¬†scarred me for life. I HATE public restrooms more than I hate shopping at Walmart. I would rather shit over a log that is sitting directly off the side of the freeway than in a public restroom. The people driving by might not like the big moon shinning in their faces, but at least I’m not leaving with¬†syphilis¬†ass! Anyway….here is ¬†the top five reasons you should never use a public restroom….as if my story isn’t enough:

1. The above story! Yep…it really is enough reason to stay far, far away from those places…

2. I do not understand why every public restroom is so friggin wet! Who the fuck is showering in these things!? Every single time I approach the sink to wash my hands I walk away sopping wet like I was just in a wet t-shirt contest. And don’t even try and tell me that it’s my boobs. The wetness starts at the top of ¬†my shirt and goes all the way down to my crotch. And why is the ceiling wet??? It’s like after they are done showering they do that flip hair move to try and look cool and now there is water dripping from the ceiling…of the public restroom… NOT COOL FOLKS!!

3. I know everybody has experienced being in the bathroom and hearing the person in the stall making all the music from their ass…then walk out of the stall and LEAVE!!!! um….you forgot something very important…TO WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!! and now I am stuck in the friggin bathroom because I am NOT touching that handle…

4. Why is their always a kid looking underneath the stall? Or above it…

5. The super fun moment when you are done and realize there is no toilet paper. Why didn’t you check before you sat down?… good question….yet that does you no good at this point because now you are sitting there with no way to wipe your ass. So you have option A: Just get up and go. Option B: Ask someone to give some over…and just hope that they aren’t in the process of wiping there own ass so their hands aren’t covered in…well, you get the idea….or Option C: Yeah…their is no option c…basically if you don’t pick option A or B….your FUCKED!

I had more reasons, but I figured after 5 you pretty much get the idea…plus I am sure most of you have your own amazing experiences with public restrooms. I’m not even going to touch the topic of porta-potties. NOPE…not going anywhere near that subject…. or the door handle on one of those things…

 

For Mother’s Day I would like a new Vagina please…

Kangaroo

Why my vagina doesn’t work right anymore: Now I know your thinking, “how in the hell are you going to write about your vagina not working right!”..I get it….vaginas make people uncomfortable, even just the word alone makes some people cringe. I really understand..You may even want to look away right now because I am going there. And I’m bringing my vagina with me. I have decided that vaginas are basically classy cunts. Let me explain. Some people freak out at the word cunt. I am not a fan of the word either. I never use it…but if you look up the meaning…which I have conveniently done for you here – this is what it means – ( this is a true story. I looked it up and this is exactly how it was written ) :

CUNT : noun

1. vulgar A woman’s genitals

2. offensive A woman

Now first of all, I find everything wrong with this. Why does it say “vulgar, and offensive” when talking about a part of a woman’s body. Not ONE friggin person would be even reading this, or walking around doing whatever they do, had it not been for the vulgur vagina (cunt) that kept them alive until they clawed there way out of it. I am a realist!! I realize that people have turned these words into bad things and they have been used to offend others by calling them such names as cunt. Well….call me a cunt….do it….and I’ll just say back to you… “yeah well…you were hanging out in your mom’s vagina living off of her insides all creepy like so technically so are you!”…. I don’t even know if that made sense, but that really goes back to the fact that it is just a word anyway. I wrote an entire blog about words which you could read here ¬†https://hdfloyd73.wordpress.com/2013/03/10/words-theyre-just-words/ ¬† ¬†If you are so inclined! ūüôā anyway…back on topic….so the fact that people use these particular words as name bashing, or consider them offensive really makes no sense to me. It seems that when you call someone anything that has to do with the under carriage of our bodies people just get all weird. They get super upset and stuff starts happening. “That dude called me a dick, cunt ass face! I’m so upset!” Okay…well break it up and maybe it won’t bother you so much. First of all a dick is nothing more than a penis, and half the population have them hanging off the front’s of their bodies. A cunt is merely a vagina…the other half of the people on this globe have those and you can access them from in between their legs stuffed up in there. And then of course there is face which nobody gives a fuck about. Call anybody a face and see what happens. Yeah…nothing!! People don’t give a crap about that part of the body. That is the thing everyone sees when they first meet you. That is like your business card. The front of your book. You are displaying that thing right out for everybody to see…but call someone a face…and nobody gives a shit. Call them something that comes from down below, and Oh shit you crossed the line!!!!

Anyway…this post is not really about words as much as why my vagina doesn’t work right anymore. And by the way, vaginas are magical because they also posses super powers. They sustain life and then basically when the life is “ready”…it decided’s to make it’s way straight through that tiny hole provided to get here. Mine has not worked correctly since a bunch of ¬†little people decided to claw there way here right through my sex hole. My sex hole was nice before. It did the things I wanted it to do. Like when I needed to pee….(it wasn’t as if that was usually an emergency or anything)… but I would get that, “Oh…I guess I should start looking for a toilet soon” feeling. Now a days though… There is no signal from the brain pre- telling me that I will soon need to make my way to a toilet because in the next half ¬†hour or so…my body will need to release some fluids! Those days are gone my friend. Piss just falls straight out of my vagina. It doesn’t matter what the hell I am doing, I just piss myself! No warning….no feeling of ” hey, your gonna need to hit a toilet soon”..it’s just fucking chaos down there. I am doing zumba…I piss! I sneeze…I piss….I am talking to a friend and very lightly laugh….PISS! I am sitting here typing this and I just pissed myself! Yep, it doesn’t work right. That’s not all. One of my little people not only clawed her way through my sex hole….she basically ripped the fucking thing open with her fingernails. I guess just arriving like everyone else wasn’t good enough. She needed a full on dramatic entrance and ripped me from hole to hole…LITERALLY! They had to sew my holes back together. And as I am laying there getting my holes sewn back together….the doctor looks at my husband and says, “would you like me to add a few extra stitches?”…ReallY doctor….a vagina joke….FUUUUCKK YOUUUUUU!!!!! The husband wanted to laugh…I could see it…but he looked at me, then looked at the doctor…then looked at me again and knew if he laughed he may lose a ball! (Excuse me…testicle for the sensitive eye holes).

Anyway….so that happened…and then I had this cute little hairy baby looking at me. Sure, when you’re holding that little ball of sunshine everything ¬†fades away…and you look at the little thing that just tore up your whole damn crotch and you have nothing but pure love for them. Then they become 12!!! I generally enjoy repeatedly reminding the little people of what they did to my under carriage…because that my friend is fun. And you have the right…because now not only do you piss sideways, but you constantly piss. You just do that now. That is now a thing for you, so since I can’t even raise my eyebrows without piss falling out of my vagina…then they will hear about it! ūüėČ And it’s not just for the ladies that pushed a person out of their sex hole…this also applies to the folks that had to get cut open and have the little person pulled out of their gut. That little person that was growing and growing, was basically using your bladder as a pillow/ trampoline/ kickboxing bag. So it doesn’t work right….and now you have a big slice in your gut that will FOREVER leave you with a pouch that you will NEVER be able to get rid of. Do the crunches…go ahead….the little people will be laughing there asses off because that pouch is NOT leaving! Do Jillian Michaels six pack in six weeks….go ahead….the only six pack showing up is the one your buying in the store because you are now a fucking kangaroo for the rest of your damn life…so get use to it. And the pouch isn’t useful like a kangaroo’s is…you can’t put shit in it and use it as a purse. It just sits there looking at you in the mirror saying…FUCK YOU!

The only time it actually looks okay is when I am laying down and on occasion (when I haven’t eaten yet) it will sink down and dissappear as if to say I am not here anymore…but it’s a lie. Because once you get up…fucker is like…HEY….I missed you! This is why spankz were even created you know. And the thing with laying down is it might make the pouch dissappear, but it also makes my boobs dissappear so I might be laying there thinking…” yeah…I’m sexy….no pouch on my gut….but I HAVE NO FRIGGIN TITS NOW EITHER!” Those sweet little people that screwed up my sex hole also did a number on my boobs. Basically they sucked the ever loving life out of them, then moved on to “solid” foods. Oh…really???…thanks kids….thanks for taking the life source that was keeping my boobs perky and happy, draining every last ounce of it, then basically giving them the finger and moving on to cheerios. Well…in the end, obviously the little people are what make it all worth it right? I look at them and realize, it doesn’t matter that I don’t pee right, or look like a kangaroo, or have what my 6 yr old likes to refer to as “Drippy boob sacks”….I also have THEM! and they are worth far more than perky boobs….a spiffy well working vagina, and six pack abs….I guess…;) …For mother’s day I would like a new vagina please…

Kids always say Things…

Kids are cute! They do funny things, and say funny things. Do you remember the old show “Kids say the¬†darnedest¬†things?” They were actually able to make a whole show about the stuff ¬†kids say because they really do say some crazy shit. It’s usually funny as hell, and on the rare occasion you get the creepy as hell…but most of the time, my kids entertain me completely with the random stuff that flies out of their mouth. I write a lot of it down because some of that is just too good to forget. I have posted tons of things my kids say on my facebook page and as I was going back through some of it, I realized my kids had actually given me enough material for an entire blog post. So…without further¬†adieu¬†…Here is a collection of the crazy things that my kids have said! * If you happen to be a facebook “friend” you may have seen some of this already. It’s worth reading again:

 
The 6 yr. old: (as I’m putting her to bed) Don’t forget that you promised to play dolls with me tomorrow.
Me: I won’t.
The 6yr. old: Make sure you don’t forget, write it down!
Me: Okay…I will
The 6yr. old: Then tape it to yourself…

 

 

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The 6yr. old: Mom, I wanted to help you so I put the toilet paper on the holder and now it’s all ready for the next wiper….

 

 
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The 21 yr. old (who still lives at home): *putting the chiweenie around her neck* Check it out, the dog is my new accessory
The 12 yr. old: Yeah….that’s designer wear too because he has eyebrows….and eyebrows are cool….

 

 

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The 6 yr. old: Mom come and look at this video thing I want to show you…
Me: Just a second honey, I am reading an article .
The 6 yr. old (said with a super whine): Pleaseeeeeee come NOWWWWW, I want to show you something…
Me: I’m almost done with this article, just one second.
The 6 yr. old: What is it even about???
Me: Obama..
The 6 yr. old: Forget Obama I need Omama…

 

 
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The 6 yr. old was reading one of the 21 yr. old’s papers that she wrote for her class. The word that she was sounding out was assess! The sentence… “We must assess this situation carefully.”
The 6yr.old: AAASSESSS…es.
Me: no honey…it’s Uh ses. Like the UH sound.
The 6yr. old: I know what it says…I can read and it says ASSS ES.
Me: Okay….stop sounding it out so loud!

 

 
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The 8 yr.old: Did you know that drugs are so bad? They are really, really bad because they take away your things and eat them.
The 6yr. old: Yeah….drugs are so bad, they always take away your things, and eat everything.
Me: hm…
The 8 yr. old: Wait,…I mean slugs…..yeah slugs are really, really bad because they take away your things and eat them.
The 6 yr.old: Oh yeah, slugs do that.
Me: hm…. O.O

 

 
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The 6 yr. old: Mom I want a Hot Pocket.
Me: Those are bad for your tummy, some people call them diarrhea pockets.
The 6 yr. old: Ewwwww gross, why would someone call them diarrhea pockets?
Me: Because when you eat them you get diarrhea.
The 6 yr. old: NUH UH…….wait….that’s actually true….

 

 
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Me: This morning I blogged about my horrible breakfast making skills.
The 12 yr. old: Oh yeah, well my friend’s mom always makes him sauteed veggies for lunch.
Me: How in the world does she send veggies for lunch??..
The 12 yr. old: Tupperware Mom…..she uses tupperware…
Seriously who the fuck thinks of tupperware?

 

 
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*Sitting next to each other in the car*
The 6yr. old: You need a mint, your breath stinks
The 8 yr. old: I just farted
Me: O.O

 

 
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The 6 yr. old comes running out of the room crying her eyeballs out, yelling, “The dog ate my barbies head off, HE ate her head OFF!!”
When I say yelling…I mean yeeelling. This is some serious drama up in here. …so she is freaking out and hands me this headless pointy toed mini barbie. All I can think is Karma is a bitch ain’t it you evil pointy toed devil!! Your time has come!!…Your head is gone…and you only have half an arm, I knew this day would come. You will stab me in the foot NO MORE!

The 6 yr. old: MOm, why do you seem happy about my doll’s head gone??

ME: blink, blink, blink..

 

 
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The 12 yr. old: Mom..check out my boob guns.
The 6yr. old: Mommy, yours are more like drippy….like drippy boob sacks.
Me (in my head): Did she really just say drippy boob sacks….(FUUUUCKK)

 

 

 
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*Driving in the car*
The 8yr. old: Awww look at the little baby mosquioto
The 6yr. old (yelling at the top of her lungs): SMASH IT, KILL IT…SMASH IT’S HEAD NOWWWWW!
Me and the 8 yr. old: blink, blink, blink…

 

 
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This is just a few facebook posts of crap that happened with my kids that I thought you might enjoy:
Thought I would share a glimpse of my day. We have this “Harry Potter” under the stairs sort of room…(under the stairs). It is dark and scary and all the things you would expect from an under the stairs room, but my kids LOVE to play in it, and make a club house in it and make messes in it and you get the idea. ¬†I decided it was time to get in there and clean it up (ugh) so I open the door and there are blankets everywhere and fold up chairs and kids makeup, and the list goes on. I start picking up blankets and making my way to the back of this room which is VERY dark and long, and there is a turn that goes to another section which is also VERY dark. I make my way around the turn and look up at a pair of friggin eyes looking at me in the dark and I SCREAMED like it was death coming after me!! Well….it took me a second to realize that my kids set up a mirror in the back of this room. I basically scared the living crap out of myself….with myself!! So then you have the whole, ‘I feel really dumb right now’ moment…or two….Damn kids….I might have even peed a little. YES….I did pee…a little…or a lot!

 

 
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My son runs up to me and says, “Mommy, an air balloon crashed in our yard!”
So figuring he was kidding and probably going to play some kind of prank on me…(he becomes more like his dad everyday..) I said, “Yeah right….okay what are you up to??” with some shifty eyes action going on…because I trust no one around here !!!
My son yells, “Mommmm….I’m serious, an air balloon is crashed in our yard!”
ME: Am I going to open the door and a water balloon is going to be flying at me?? *shifty eyes again!
So I go and open up my back door and there is this HUGE air balloon sitting in my yard full of people in the basket.
ME: “Hm…you were right !” as the people in the basket are staring at us…

 

 
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I walked in and saw the 6yr.old “sweet little angel” that she is,… taking the dog toy and with all of her might rubbing it ALL over the 12 yr. old’s pillow and then looking around to see if anyone saw her! Now mind you that was probably pretty close to the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. I mean…it was friggin funny…because all I can picture that is going through her mind is, “This is for all the times you never let me in your room, and never play with me…” and on and on. And as I am laughing so hard I’m almost peeing it hits me….
What about all the times I have said No to her?……O.O!!

 

 
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Okay…there you have it….truisms from my kids… and if that’s not entertaining enough…there is always this:

 

 

The 12 yr. old

kids3

The 6 and 8 yr. olds

kids 2


The 21 yr. old

kids4

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