Junk Food confessions from a Junk Food whore:

Chocolate Bug

Oh crap…I said whore again!  Lately I have been seeing these videos around on the internet and I find them to be hilarious as well as very informative. Not really informative…but hilarious. So…I decided what a good idea, I will blog about my junk food confessions, clear my conscience, and put ALL my secrets out there for the whole world to see. Not that the whole world is reading my blog…or even that the whole world cares about what I eat…but here it goes. First I must tell you that I love junk food. It’s true. I have an addiction. A bad addiction to junk food. Now I know that junk food is full of horrible, awful things, and we should not be putting all that in our bodies…blah, blah, blah! It’s not like I am not aware of my problem…I just really like sprinkles, when they are on top of a cupcake. And you need to always pick a cupcake because no one ever expects you to share a cupcake. If they do, then there is something really wrong with that person and you need to run as fast as you can…and take the cupcake with you. I eat as healthy as possible most of the time. I eat salads and veggies, and hummus, and salmon. But there is NO way I am going to walk around on Easter day and eat a friggin kale chip! You can forget it. I am making a reese’s peanut butter egg casserole with reese’s eggs, chocolate syrup, whip cream, and sprinkles…and I am making it my bitch!! So here are some things I am going to come clean about.

Confession number 1 – I will eat anything covered in chocolate. When I say anything…I mean ANYTHING!! I am not kidding on this one. I have eaten chocolate covered ants, chocolate covered grasshoppers, chocolate meat, chocolate garlic clove, and I would seriously consider eating my kids toenail clippings if they were covered in chocolate. I would consider it…then I would do it!

Confession number 2 – The 6 yr. old had some M&M’s in her backpack. These mofo’s had been in there ALL day, and they were not in a package. I’m talking they were free floating M&M’s and were in the bottom of her backpack. On the car ride home she pulled them out holding them in her grubby little paws and asked me if I wanted them. I said no thanks. She dropped them back in and when we got home, I pilfered through her backpack, found the nasty half melted, disease ridden M&M’s and ate them. Just take a second and think about that….Yep…I ate them!

Confession number 3 – Most people who know me, also know that I could eat chips and salsa every day for the rest of my life and die happy. I always have salsa in my house. ALways!! When I am eating chips and salsa, I am not sharing chips and salsa. I was eating some chips and salsa and I was down to my last 2 chips and I had just enough salsa to perfectly fit the 2 chips. I dropped a chip on the floor, and the dog came running over thinking he got himself a treat, but little did he know that I would seriously fuck him up if he touches that damn chip! It was like a stand off in my kitchen. The dog on one side of the chip. I’m on the other, and I’m like you touch it you little fucker….and I will cut you!! I’ll make it look like an accident too….um, forget that last part…anyway…I dove for that friggin chip, and in the process fell on the floor, scratched up my arm, grabbed the chip, got up and did a victory dance at the dog… because I am NOT sharing.

Confession number 4 – on the very first day I started this blog, I was eating Ben and Jerry’s, right now I am eating Ben and Jerry’s. 🙂 I eat WAY too many Ben and Jerry’s.

Confession number 5 – I have eaten reese’s for breakfast more times than I will admit here. I made a salad and had carrots, and cucumbers, and broccoli in it, and I thought..hm, I wonder if adding a reese’s would taste good. So I did….and it was good!

The last confession that I will actually admit to is I bought some really fancy chocolate all pretty wrapped for my kids teachers, and it sat on my dresser and kept staring at me, so I ate it. Then I had to go buy more, and ate it too. 3rd times a charm right? Nope..in this case, 4th times a charm. If there is the slightest chance that any of my kids teachers are reading this right now, um… it was the dog’s fault. I realize that doesn’t even make sense but I figure you have heard every excuse possible applied to any situation…sooo, yeah..it was the dog’s fault! Well…now that I have cleared the air, and come clean about my secrets I feel like a changed person. I am going to end this now and go see if I can find some extra M&M’s to add to my americone dream! What’s your secret??…

 

 

Advertisements

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Junk Food confessions from a Junk Food whore: | Caffeine Jitters
  2. caffeinejitters
    Apr 15, 2013 @ 08:18:51

    After I eat a full Ben and Jerry’s, I always think “Hm, I could eat another.”… Is that normal? Love the blog! 😉

    Reply

  3. apleasanthouse
    Apr 15, 2013 @ 09:05:57

    God- I just tried my first Kale chip yesterday and almost threw-up. GIve me a Dorrito any time.

    Reply

  4. sean gray
    Apr 16, 2013 @ 06:54:06

    Why do all the bad things taste so good? I think god must have a sense of humor.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

LOUISE ALLAN

writer & author

Dadmissions

life surrounded by a wife and two girls

Cellulite Looks Better Tan

And Other Observations From My Soap Box.

Mental Defecation

My mind poops here

renegade mothering

tales of a wayward mama

Dances With Fat

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness are Not Size Dependent

Abby Has Issues

I have issues. So do you.

Nonsense & Shenanigans

Because who wants to make sense and behave, anyway?

Single Girl Blogging

I'm a single girl dating in Los Angeles. Sometimes. It's interesting.

The Apprehensive Vagina

Navigating a world of anxiety and sexual pain through humor and conversation.

TD421

Why aren't you at your post?

Veggiewitch

...adventures of a Crafter-Mama!

Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK?!

I have struggled to be famous for over a decade. I have learned talent and hard-work are not key factors. This blog is dedicated to my pursuit in figuring out what it takes… to be famous.

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

Guapola

Crazy is relative. Just ask my relatives. And music!

Weird Woman Lives Past 40

My bumpy, messy, fattening, slutty, beautiful, simple life. Step into my panties...err parlour.

Crazy Good Parent

a digital community for people with mental health issues trying to be the best parents they can

%d bloggers like this: