Top 10 reasons why cleaning toilets SUCK!

English: Ancient roman latrines / latrinae, Os...

English: Ancient roman latrines / latrinae, Ostia Antica Nederlands: Oud-Romeins openbaar toilet Français : Latrines romaines à Ostie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I decided to do a top ten, because obviously anyone who blogs has to eventually do a top ten. Not only does it seem mandatory to be a blogger, but it also is very trendy so I must join into the hoopla and become super cool, and trendy..( never going to happen!) I want to start by saying I could never…and I mean NEVER live up to the Very cool, talented, and obviously the king of all top ten lists, List of X. I do not claim to be able to even be in the same category as the Great and Powerful List of X. I have also read that by creating a blog that has “helpful” hints and information that people can use will surely bring about views and such. This has neither helpful hints, nor does it contain information that is at all useful or even worth reading…but here it is. So…yeah….
My top 10 reasons why cleaning toilets suck:

 
1. Obviously….the number one reason is that cleaning toilets suck…in general…

 
2. The ever dreaded, yet always happens splash back factor! It’s usually because some shmo had mexican food the night before, and that shit…(literally)…is not budging. So you’re scrubbing, and scrubbing some more with purpose,..still not budging…so you start putting some real muscle into it, and I guess because you are a sexy beast with super muscle strength, the friggin water splashes up at you and in that horrible instant of fear, everything slows down to a slow motion status, you try to turn your face and anything that has to do with face holes away from the horribly tainted, germ filled, worse than acid water heading toward your face. Usually it still splatters the face, and always ends up on the shirt, which ultimately is now soaking through to your bra, and going to seep into your skin and cause you to have some hideous disease that kills you instantly and now your headstone says ..killed while scraping shit off a toilet! and people read it and just shake their head.

 
3. It’s basically like sticking your hand up another person’s rear without actually having them there to experience it. YOU get to have all the fun. Yaaay you…

 
4. Being on your knees makes it feel like you are getting way more intimate with a toilet seat than anyone ever should…and don’t even try and deny that one…

 
5. For the long hair people, if your bun or ponytail happens to fall at the exact moment when you are bending down getting the scrub on, then basically you now have shit hair! No two ways about it.

 
6. Why do people always know when you are cleaning the toilet? It’s like as soon as your hands make impact with the nasty toilet, ring- ring- ring. And of course they continue to call, because they need to get a hold of you RIGHT NOW! So they call, and call, and call, and if your anything like me, just letting that shit ring can cause inner turmoil. It starts out like this….” what if it’s important?”…”what if someone needs me?” what if my family is dead in a gutter and they are trying to reach me and I am sitting here with my friggin face in the toilet and I can’t answer because then my phone will be all toilety and it’s blinged out so I can’t clorox wipe it because my gems will fall off, and…

 
7. The fact that you are putting your face where everyone else puts their ass! Yep….Their ass, Your face…

 
8. BOYS!!! I really do not need to elaborate on this one!!!

 
9. Have you ever tried to get behind the toilet. Like that part that is basically pressed up against the wall, and you have the tub on one side, and the sink on the other and you are trying to fit your whole friggin body back there to get the piss…(see #8).. from the boys that for some reason piss everywhere but IN the bowl!

 
10. And finally..this one is actually more of an observation than a point….for the love of pete…use a friggin glove! To those of you that go in with bare hands action and absolutely no coverage, I’m just going to say right here….ew! If I could wear a has-mat suit to clean those bitches I would!

 

Okay…my very first top ten list! What did you think? I hope that I could be of some assistance to you all. Happy Cleaning…

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. apleasanthouse
    Apr 08, 2013 @ 10:02:10

    Hey, everyone in the blogerverse does top 10 lists- some people ONLY do lists. This one makes more sense then some I’ve seen.

    Reply

  2. List of X
    Apr 08, 2013 @ 10:04:31

    I’m flattered, I really am… Can’t you see that I’m blushing? (if you don’t, open my blog and change settings on the monitor to add more red color, that should work)
    That was a good list. If I ever needed to be convinced that cleaning toilets suck, I am convinced now. 🙂 But there must be reasons cleaning the toilet doesn’t suck? I can think of one, at least. “Honey, I cleaned the toilet this morning, would terribly mind doing the cooking today, rather than leave it in my post-toilet bowl hands?”

    Reply

    • hdfloyd73
      Apr 08, 2013 @ 19:03:32

      List,
      I didn’t mean to make you change all colors, but I am glad you are flattered. After all, you are the MASTER when it comes to Top Ten Lists! I am sure my list does not compare, but I gave it a go….and I Love the post-toilet hands idea. I may have to use it often….even when my hands weren’t actually submerged in the toilet. No one will ever know…

      Reply

      • List of X
        Apr 08, 2013 @ 22:14:19

        Letterman (or whoever writes the lists for him) is the master, I’m not even an apprentice.
        I’m glad you found my idea useful – just don’t use it every day, or your husband may notice that you don’t clean the toilet bowl daily.

  3. caffeinejitters
    Apr 08, 2013 @ 13:47:29

    Haha, ancient Roman latrines! It is too perfect for this post. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Rainn Peterson
    Apr 09, 2013 @ 16:30:53

    Oh I like this very much 🙂 I’ll be wandering back to facebook and liking your page as soon as I can tear myself away from this page:)

    Reply

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