It could be the deadliest thing, and it could be in your home…

Cover of "Germs"

Kids are sweet. They are cute, and short, and innocent…well, mostly innocent, and let’s face it…they are GROSS!!! Seriously…just gross. There is no other way to put it. They are walking, talking germ carriers, that do disgusting things which inevitably cause everyone else to catch their diseases. I completely believe that the black plague started with a child. A cute, sweet, child! I have kids, and they are the grossest people I know. I usually can bare it though because they actually came from my vagina so I figure their boogers are slightly less gross than say another person’s kid. I can barely handle my own kid’s grossness, so anyone else’s is an absolute NO!!
I have been very lucky in the teacher department. My kids have amazing teachers, but this whole gross thing got me thinking. These poor people not only have to deal with my kids grossness level, but a whole bunch of peoples gross kids, and all at the same time too! That falls into the “I had a nightmare about being stuck in a room full of gross kids” category! I really do feel bad for the amazing people that put themselves out there every day and end up with your kids boogers on their shirt! They deserve some chocolate….and maybe throw in some tide. I came up with a great idea that I think should be mandatory in all classrooms across the country, heck in any country!! Forget the “curse Jar”….these classrooms need to be filled with a “gross jar”. Meaning every morning when you drop your kids off at the door, by the look on the teachers face, you will know exactly how much you have to put in. I came up with this great idea, but I also know my kids…which means I would be broke!!! And the teacher will have collected enough money to take a fully financed trip to Hawaii. I can see it now…As I’m dropping off my kids, the teacher has “the look”..so I put in a 5. Nope…the look is still there…okay a 10. NOPE….still has “the look”…okay screw it…I’m just sticking in a 50 and hoping for the best! There have been times when I am walking my kids down the hall and I can just tell by the look on those poor teachers faces that my kids did something gross. All I can do is hope they realize that it comes from their dad. It’s not my fault!! I refrain from most gross things!!
And what is it with boys? My son is cute as can be, he is all teeth, and hair, and I love him to pieces. But I have NO desire to touch this child. Sometimes if he gets scared or has a nightmare, he will come climb into bed with me. I have no issue with sharing my bed with the little people, except when I know his hands have spent the better part of the day down his pants. As we are laying there all snuggled up, I just keep thinking.. “please don’t touch my face!” I’m pretty sure that boys never outgrow the grossness factor. I still catch the husband on occasion with his hand down his pants. It’s like they forget that they have a man pouch, then all of a sudden they remember about the beast that lives within their pants so they must check on it and make sure it is okay. …O.O anyway… All I am saying is that I truly believe these poor teachers should get some sort of tax break or something  just for boogers. Like a “booger tax”…for the parents, and some parents may just have to be taxed more than others…! I KNOW I am in that category. Next time you drop off your kids at school, just apologize, drop a 20 and walk away. They will get it!

 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Keeping Up With The Holsbys
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 15:38:36

    Filthy little petri dishes of snot and vile germs.
    I have never been sick as often in my whole life as I have in this last three years since becoming a mother.
    Didn’t mention that in the handbook.

    Reply

  2. hdfloyd73
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 16:16:36

    Yes!! I agree completely..

    Reply

  3. kharazy
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 23:36:58

    I definitely agree about the hands in pants thing. I caught my kid brother doing that and I panicked and yelled at him. I don’t think 6 years of age is an appropriate time for anatomical curiosities, especially ones that pertain to pleasure sensors. So I warned him if he ever touches his weewee other than to peepee, then it will fall off. I mean, as an older sister, it’s my duty to use scare tactics, right?

    Reply

  4. Trackback: It could be the deadliest thing, and it could be in your home… | Caffeine Jitters
  5. sean gray
    Apr 03, 2013 @ 07:45:26

    men never out grow it. It is a whole other world down there, and needs exploring like Columbus.

    Reply

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