My Dog’s an A$$hole:

Lani

It’s true! My dog is a major a-hole! Now before all the animal lovers get WAAYYY up in arms, TRUST ME…He is not offended by me saying that, so you shouldn’t be. Not only is my dog an asshole, but he has one!.. And for some friggin reason his favorite thing to do is wipe it all over my carpet. Now think about this for a minute. What if someone came over to your house to visit, and just decided to wipe their hole across your floor. It’s just plain rude!! Plus it sends me into an epic tissy fit. The idea of his bare butthole on my carpet gives me the creeps. I don’t want to even walk barefoot on the carpet now. Then the kids are all rolling around everywhere, and I’m just thinking, I wouldn’t do that if I was you.
Another a-hole move he does…I go out and buy “greenies.” These damn things are like premium treats that cost more than my house payment. I give the dog a treat, and off he goes straight to the carpet to puke it up. Now why does he leave the tile floor, and walk all the way over to the carpet to puke it up? I swear he is doing that on purpose. Not only do I have ass marks everywhere, I have puke marks everywhere. Try sitting down, just give it a try, and you’ll have a dog nose going straight up your vagina….or man pouch…and when I say straight up…I mean STRAIGHT UP!!! I have no idea why, but he really is such a snob. This dog thinks he is better than most dogs, and most people. He is SNOBBY!! He literally stands 2 feet off the ground and thinks he can take on a big old rottweiler. Come on dude….he will eat you for a snack. It doesn’t matter to this dog though, there he is growling and barking and cussing out the rottweiler like he can take him or something. He hates anyone that comes over here. If you come in this house…he hates you! That’s it!! That is all you have to do. Or wear glasses. Dude will give you the ” Fuck Off” look if you are wearing glasses. He has judged me more than once with his judging doggy eyeballs. He knows what he is doing. Those of you that say “dogs mouths are cleaner than humans..” are smoking something. I have witnessed my dog eat poop more than once. Along with poop, another one of his favorite things to do is eat hair!!! WHY?? Why does this thing want to be eating hair? Think about this… He eats hair, and then the hair has to come out. So he is outside doing his thing and it’s not going so well because dog has some hair trying to make it’s way out. I have kids, and so believe me when I tell you I have had my share of dealing with poopie situations…but you better believe I am not touching that situation with a ten foot pole! YOu are on your own with that dog! The thing is…I am probably more like that dog than I really want to admit, I mean aside from the ass scraping thing, and the puking thing, …oh and the hair thing,…yeah, I have never done the hair thing, and I usually don’t go around sticking my nose in people’s junk….but I can claim the title of Asshole on any given day. So, yeah….me and the dog….just a couple of assholes…

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. caffeinejitters
    Mar 19, 2013 @ 11:16:16

    Oh, that is hilarious! My dog has his problems too, mainly digging up my garden when I don’t give him enough attention…. These dogs will be the death of us. 🙂

    Reply

  2. hdfloyd73
    Mar 19, 2013 @ 11:26:51

    YES….I agree with you! There was more I could put….but figured it would be best to leave it as it is. 😉

    Reply

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