Why do mornings suck??

Coffee and Chick-O-Stick

I ask myself this question sometimes. I still have no answer. MOST mornings just seriously suck. Why can’t it go smoother. Okay…here is how I think the morning’s should be :
“Dear sweet people from my vagina…” I say with a very soft voice, “it’s time to get up now. We don’t want to be late for school where you are going to learn all kinds of new and wonderful things.”
Up they pop straight out of bed with huge smiles on their faces ready to take on the world and be sponges to soak up all the learning. They get on their pre-picked out clothes….that THEY chose the night before because they are so organized and put together. Wonderful little people! πŸ™‚ Off to breakfast…which of course is eggs, bacon, toast, oh and don’t forget the freshly squeezed orange juice that I made from the oranges I picked off the tree in the front yard! πŸ™‚ They did ALL their homework the night before so we actually have some time to sit and visit and laugh before the day starts. Out the door we go, and off to our perspective places of life to have a glorious day! πŸ™‚ WOW….does that actually exist?? It was hard even writing it. Whew!! Here is how it usually goes:
“Dear sweet people from my vagina….” I say with a very soft voice, “it’s time to get up now.” Then SILENCE…
Then I say with a little bit higher octave, “People from my vagina….c’mon, let’s get up now!”
SILENCE! – okay…one more time-
“PEOPLE FROM MY VAG….GET UP!!!!”
Then the complaining starts: “I’m tired, I don’t want to, can I stay home?” and “I have a head “egg”!!
I say, “Let’s go people…we are going to be late…AGAIN!!! We have trix, the Capt….or some pop tarts, But I’m not heating them up because we don’t have time!!!!”
“Awww, I want ice cream!” uh….NO!! ( I know….bad mom award right!?) Don’t worry I will get their veggies in at dinner….but don’t hold me to that! – “MOm, I only did half my homework last night.” WHAT??!! Crap…okay let’s get it going.- “but mom…I don’t understand this problem.” Me : let me see it….um…..neither do I. :/ Just finish it when you get to school… or ask some kid on the playground…! Yelling from the bathroom – “MOMMM…the toilet is plugged!” Grrrrr!!!!! For real!!!! for real though….OKay, I will deal with it later use the one downstairs. C’mon people…get on your clothes!!!
Now it’s the 12 yr. old with “Mommm, you didn’t wash my favorite jeans and now I have NOTHING to wear!” Well dear, why don’t you wear one of the other 35 pairs you own! “MOmmmm I can’t!! They aren’t the red skinnies! I need the red skinnies!!!”
Is it time for coffee yet?.. OY. Okay people, let’s get in the car.
The 12 yr. old says, “I’m riding the bus. It’s not cool going in the car.”
Okay…have fun with that. Finally..kids in the car. The ride to school, and more complaining… “I don’t want to go.” “I don’t want to wear my coat.” “MOM….he touched me.” “I DID NOT!!!” “Yes you did….” “NO I DIDN’T…”
I don’t need to continue for you to get the idea. We get to the school and I realize the 8yr. old has his pants on backwards. NICE. The 6 yr.old has more jewelry on than MC hammer. Why did I not notice this before? and no one has brushed hair. and I seriously can not remember if they brushed their teeth. Great, I am sure the teachers think super highly of my mom skills. Okay kids, let’s try to make it to your line BEFORE the bell rings this time! Okay….hugs, kisses, loves, bye now!! I get in the car….I’M FREE!!!!! and I’m about to make coffee my bitch! woop…I get home, and instead of unplugging the toilet decide to raid the candy drawer. The dog is judging me with his disapproving dog eyes!! BACK OFF DOG!!! Sitting down to a healthy heaping of candy and coffee….I realize that the day has only just begun…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. sean gray
    Mar 16, 2013 @ 15:31:25

    sounds like a vacation to NY is in needed.

    Reply

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