A Good Day! ~

This is a story that I wrote about 4 years ago, when my babies were actually still babies. They are still babies to me though!! ūüôā

You Know back before I had kids, I thought of myself for the most part as a self assured person. I was pretty confident that I could handle anything and I had it all under control….and then I became a Mom!!!! I was always up for most¬†challenges¬†and would try anything at least once. It’s not like I was completely careless….I mean I wasn’t walking down dark alleys at midnight in the middle of downtown or anything, but I didn’t think a whole lot about the worst of things. I just thought….Hey it sound’s fun…let’s do it! As all of you mom’s out there know, after you have a baby…..a¬†metamorphosis¬†takes place. You go from being carefree, open and maybe even a little on the risky side….to being cautious, careful, and worried. Some people change the minute they lay your precious bundle in your arms. The moment I knew I changed was the first time my baby spit up more than what she was “suppose” to do, and I¬†immediately¬†called the pediatrician at midnight saying with tears in my eyes….something is wrong. ” she’s been spitting up and I don’t know why!” Now I know your thinking….”okay…she was freaking out about spit up!” But remember…this was the first child and the first week home from the hospital. You freak about everything!! Now on the 4th child……I have learned that spit up is a part of life….and it will happen….even on you….A LOT!!!! I knew I had changed when that feeling came over me that I had to protect this little life. This was up to me. What got me thinking about all this happened the other day. I was going along as usual with my day. My 1yr. old was in her crib and my 3yr. old on the bed next to the crib watching cartoons, eating graham crackers. Sounds pretty innocent right? Well, as I was folding laundry near them on the bed…my 1yr. old needed more water in her cup. So off to the kitchen I go and while I am at the sink filling her cup..I hear a loud thud and my baby screaming. Of course I¬†panic¬†and run back in the room. Now mind you…she has never done this before…but she decided to climb out of the crib on her own and she used the very high end rail rather then the side one that is lower. I still can’t figure out how she got up there. She is pretty short! She went head first onto a HARD hardwood floor. I instantly grabbed her and realized she wouldn’t open her eyes, and as I was saying “Bella. Bella, she went limp in my arms. Let me tell you….Never in my life have I experienced a fear like this. I can not put it into words. I do not think Shakespeare himself could find the words for the fear that comes over a mom when something has happened to her baby. There is just NO description. It is something only another mom can know. It is that unwritten thing that all mom’s know and just feel! My chest became tight and my breathing very quick. I felt myself go into a place I have never been. I¬†immediately¬†called 911 to which the very calm operator on the other end had me screaming at her to send someone to help my baby. Bella had gone unconscious and I couldn’t help her!!.. Back to the calm¬†operator¬†….she kept telling me to calm down that they would have someone here in a few minutes. Sure enough they arrived within minutes that felt like hours! I placed my limp baby in the man’s arms. They strapped her to a gernie(sp). They strapped every bit of her little body down and put her in the ambulance. I grabbed my little boy….barely put shoes on and off we went. They gave her oxygen and she started to come around, but was not herself. I was in a state of shock. I was in the back of an ambulance……first time ever( I am knocking on wood right now that it will be the last,) and my baby was looking up at me with her big brown eyes as to say…”mommy, please fix this.” My heart ached¬†because¬†all I wanted to do was scoop her up like every other time and give her a kiss and a band aid and it would be okay…..but this time was different. I couldn’t do anything. I was helpless. I looked over at my 3 yr. old who was strapped in a car seat across from me and he was all smiles. You must understand that to a 3yr. old boy…riding in an ambulance was a dream come true! You see he has an ambulance that makes LOTS of noise and runs around our house picking up hurt people. He was already prepared for this! At the moment when Bella went limp in my arms…the first instinct I had was to call to God. Without even thinking about it I said” Please God, Please help my baby..Please help me!” While in the ambulance I realized looking at my little girl all strapped down that she trusted me with her life, ¬†that these kids trusted me so completely with their life that I needed to trust myself also. Even though I felt at that very moment that I couldn’t! A peace came over me in a way I can’t explain. I looked over at my son who was all smiles and my brown eyed girl looking up at me and I knew I could do this. It will be okay. I was not given these babies so I could lose it and melt down and be of no help to them or myself. A real sense of calm washed over me. I still had tears streaming down my face…but I was more at peace. When we got there they took her straight in for a catscan to make sure that her skull was not cracked or bleeding in the brain. There was about 20 people (nurses, doctors) waiting for us when we arrived. I Hated seeing them take her into that room with the big wheel and I couldn’t touch her. It was very scary for me….I can only imagine what her poor little mind thought. My husband showed up and I saw the fear in his eyes also. The fear of not knowing and not being able to fix this. So finally finished with the catscan..they took us to a room and we waited! and waited! Bella was starting to be herself again and I laid in the bed next to her just holding her. She had so many things hooked up to her. She kept saying” I kuck mommy…I kuck!” which for those of you that can’t speak 1 yr. old means “I’m Stuck!” I wanted to take everything off of her and go home. Just go home!! Well…after a little more waiting a slew of nurses came in with stickers and dolly’s and lot’s of “your so cute’s” and “your so brave!” Then came the doctor with the 3 words I had been wanting to hear…” you can go!” Bella was as good as new. No damage to her skull had happened at all. She was as good as ever with a very BIG bump on her head. She was lucky that where she hit on the floor was more toward the front of her head where there is a lot of bone and it is the strongest part of the head…..or so I was told! You learn all kinds of new things when you never expect too! Back to my 3 favorite words….” you can go!” So off we went with our babies in tow and everything was as it should be. Except on the drive home I just could not shake this yucky feeling inside of me. I realize now that everything that had happened started to hit me and I was taking it all in. For the rest of the day I just didn’t feel right. You know when you have kids…..you expect to have some bumps and bruises along the way…but no where does anything prepare you for ambulance rides and catscans. Later that day my other children filtered in from school and as I told them of the events of the day they hugged and kissed Bella and couldn’t believe all that had gone on. My little sister had come over as she does on any regular day to hang out and after hearing about Bella…wanting to see how she was. She hung out for a bit and started to get ready to head to work and noticed that I was just not acting right. I was not myself and she asked” Are you okay?” To which I replied” NO….this has been a horribly BAD day!” In her¬†infinite¬†teenage wisdom she said” No…this is a Good day. Bella is okay!” What is it with teenagers today! They are smart. When I was her age…if you asked me what the time and date was I would have looked at you like…why would you think I would know something as trivial as that!!!! The thing is…she was right. This was a good day. I picked up Bella…hugged her soo tight and said it one more time” This is a Good Day!”

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. caffeinejitters
    Mar 12, 2013 @ 03:34:00

    This is such a well written and heart wrenching tale! It makes me want to cry… in a good way.

    Reply

  2. BADWOLF
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 03:05:50

    This is truly great. I hope you make more blogs for us. They are great fun.

    Reply

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