The day my son broke my Heart!~

Let me start this off by stating that what I am writing about is a very unpopular opinion. The truth is, we all have an opinion. This just happens to be mine. It does not make it right or wrong, it is just the way I see it. You can take it or leave it. My opinion will change nothing. 
Now a days, I see so many articles and Facebook posts about how kids today are whiny little bitches! I see it being said all the time. Many folks hate the idea of everyone getting a participation trophy when they play on a team because they feel that it is raising a bunch of pussies. I can tell you that when I was a child, and I was picked as the last kid a lot, it was painful. I took that in and it added greatly to my already lack of self esteem that I carried around on a daily basis. I was a child that came from a home where my parents didn’t build us up all the time and tell us we were awesome.  So every time I was reminded of this outside of my home, it just reassured me that I was in fact NOT AWESOME!! Growing up with that in your head on the daily, takes a long time to try and reverse those thoughts. 
So the other day my son came up to me and told me about something that broke my heart.  At his school they have this incentive program where kids that follow the rules and do as they are suppose to, they can gain golden tickets. They turn in their golden tickets at the end of the week, and every week they have a drawing and pick a winner from the bin. The more golden tickets you have , the better chance you have of winning. I think it is a great thing that they do for the kids. My son came up to me and we had this conversation about it:
The Boy – “You know how I have been trying to win the golden ticket thing since I was in kindergarten?”
Me – “Yes.”
The Boy – “Well… it has been three years and I have tried really hard to win. I think I just have really bad luck that follows me because in three years I have never won. Sometimes I will try extra hard to get tickets and put them in, but I never win no matter what I do. But I am completely okay with it. I am just not going to do it anymore. I have bad luck so I will probably never win it anyway.”
*At this point he could see I was feeling kind of bad about what he was saying and so he said this. 
The Boy – “Don’t be upset about it. I am completely okay with it. It’s not a big deal. I just have bad luck in my life and that is how it is.”
Now listen… as a mom, I have that mama bear quality when one of my children are hurt or upset where I want to make it all better. It is instinctively inside of me to want to fix things for them. I am not going to apologize for that!! When someone hurts my child, I become a crazy lady!! And yes, I wanted to go down to the school, and make them pick his name!!! But I also know that what he is experiencing is life. Just simply life! The thing that breaks my heart is I witnessed the very moment when my son lost that magical feeling of hope, and just became okay with it.  The moment of when he lost his belief in the fact that he can actually do anything. The truth is… life is not easy. And the truth is, not all of us can accomplish everything. We DO NOT always win everything, and truthfully, we will not always be able to do everything it is that we want to do. I am 42 years old and still waiting to take that dream trip to Paris! 
As a mom, I have always told my kids they can be anything and do anything. The world is their playground to do as they please. And even though I have always said that to my kids, I saw my 10 year old lose that hope simply because of his own experiences.
I will still tell my children that they can accomplish everything. And I will still tell my children they are wonderful! So many people disagree with this. They believe that you should never make your children feel special at all because the world will not see them as special or wonderful. I agree with that… except that the world and life will show my children well enough on it’s own that they are not special or wonderful. No one in this world will treat them like they are amazing. Life will knock them around the same way it does all of us. And they will have to learn to overcome obstacles all on their own. But like hell it is going to start with me!! I want to be the ONE place that they know is not going to fail them! I want to be the ONE place they can go and always know that I will see them as wonderful no matter what.
When I think back to my childhood, even if I had parents that had told me I was great all the time, I know for certain that everything I experienced in my life, from heartbreak, to not getting the job, to being the last picked, are all the things that showed me exactly how life is. The hard knocks of life! 
I just want my kids to know that even when life is knocking them around all over the place… the one soft place to rest for a bit will always be with me. I am not a perfect parent. I fully admit that I am in no way perfect at this parenting gig! The way I really feel is, I love my kids and I want them to succeed in all things. The reality is, they won’t succeed in all things. They will learn that totally and completely without the help of me. So yes, I will still tell my children that they are wonderful, and I will still tell them that they can accomplish anything. What they experience in this life will add to making them exactly what they become. I want them to always think fondly of their time with me though. I want them to never question the fact that I always have believed that they can be and do anything. 
Don’t twist my words. I say no to my kids all the time. That is because I am not in a situation where I can give them everything they want at all times. I am not talking about buying your kids a bunch of shit they don’t need. I am talking about building up their self esteem. I am talking about building them up as Human Beings. Reality is what it is! Nothing you say to your kids will change the reality of life. You can tell them they suck or tell them they are great, it will not change what life throws at them.  But it may change how they end up handling it.
All I know is that by telling my children that I think they are awesome, it is doing nothing but letting them know that I, their mom, think that they are awesome! It is not making them pussies that can’t handle life. It is just reassuring them that even if the world is shitty and hard sometimes, and things will not always be easy… no matter what, I will always think they are awesome! 

Doggies are better than People!~

My dog can be a jerk! He does things sometimes that drive me nuts!! I have not always been an animal person. When I was a very young child, I was bit in the face by a dog and needed to get stitches. So it put me off from the whole dog thing for many years. 
And NOW….. now we have a chihuahua/doxey thing with eyebrows and sometimes he drives me batshit crazy. But you know what…. I have thought about it and to be honest, I think I would rather hang out with my dog than some people. 
People can be assholes!! And I find that with dogs, you mostly can read them and get a pretty good idea of what they are giving off to you. With people though…. You sometimes just have NO idea what you are dealing with!!
So I put together some of the reasons that dogs are better than people! 
It’s all in fun folks!! 
Things I know my dog would never do:
1) He would never cheat on me with another owner.  He would never send secret texts to someone saying things like “Will you rub my belly? And feed me those fancy dog treats you bought at Target? And BTW… you’re my favorite owner… heart emoji.” Of course it would be the heart emoji… probably followed by the poop emoji… My dog does have a love for poop.
2) He would never call me fat, or suggest I lose a few pounds! On the contrary, every time I go to the fridge, my dog seems very supportive of my choice. He really encourages me. He gives me that “Yeah… get the food… eat the food…. let’s both eat the food….. together…. we love food” look!
3) He would never spread rumors about me behind my back! He wouldn’t start talking to the dog next door and telling it all my secrets. Like “Hey Lucky…. my owners boobs are SO not perky!! I had to watch her change yesterday and I still can’t get the image out of my head! Um… don’t tell anyone I told you that okay?”..Blink, Blink, Blink…
4) He would never have a second life somewhere! Like a family somewhere else that has five kids in it, and he sneaks out at night when I think he is actually in his bed, but NO… he heads over to his other family and sleeps in the kids beds over there! I never let him sleep in the beds here so this is his way of getting back at me. (A cat though….. they might possibly have a second family… and maybe even a third and fourth. Especially if they are getting premium cat treats from them!)
5) Dogs never take offense to anything you say! You can say the meanest , grossest, nastiest thing to them, and they will still look at you wagging their tail. Try it!! Call them a piece of doodie, wet flip flop breath, garbage eating, diaper face and they will still stand there, wagging! They don’t care.
6) He wouldn’t borrow money from me and never repay it!!
7) He would never borrow my clothes and then ruin them, and when I ask for my sweater back give me some lame excuse saying he can’t find it, or he left it at a friend’s house. And then two days later I see a picture posted on Facebook with him wearing it!!
8) He would never blame my mood on “That time of the month!.”
9) He would never wake up one day and all of a sudden decide he doesn’t want to be a dog anymore. His true self that he identifies with is a cat. He would never say to me… “Please do not refer to me as dog… I am now a cat and I would appreciate you respecting my choice on this!! Do not force me to sleep in that disgusting dog bed! Please do not force me to keep pooping out doors like some kind of barbarian! I would prefer a litter box now! This is my choice and I would appreciate for you to respect it!” 
Listen okay… There is nothing wrong with being a cat. I have always believed that cats should have the same equal rights that dogs have. I am just saying that it would change the dynamics of our relationship if he decided to one day not be a dog anymore. I mean… I wanted a dog…. so…
10) He would never go into the fridge and take out the Tupperware bowl that is CLEARLY marked “MY LEFTOVERS! DO NOT TOUCH” and then eat them anyway.
Actually… he probably would do that if he had thumbs and could open the fridge….
And come to think of it, he would also take it upon himself to shit right in the middle of my floor… for no reason at all! And he would pee right on my carpet and walk away like nothing.  He would also bark incessantly at the neighbors until they are giving me dirty looks and flipping me off.  Now that I think about it… he’s a real asshole!!
laffy taffy's

Who are YOU?? And what do YOU stand for??

You know what, ..unless you have personally experienced racism, .you do not get to say it doesn’t exist! Unless you have personally experienced sexism, you do not get to say it doesn’t exist! Unless you have personally experienced being raped and bullied you do not get to say it didn’t happen!
It’s the same thing as if you tell someone that they are being an asshole and they say “No I’m not!” well it’s really not up to them is it?!
America was built on the backs of slaves! THEY built this country. This is a factual part of American history! We all learn about this in school. It happened!! These people fought for the right just to be seen as human. And now all these years later the residual effect of what this country practiced early on is still a very real part of our country today. So many voices are screaming and yelling to be heard! If an entire culture of people say that racism exists…than it does!! That’s it!!
You are not allowed to take anyone’s own personal experience away from them by spewing your uneducated opinion. And it is an uneducated opinion if you personally have not walked that road or experienced that experience for yourself. If someone tells you that they were bullied, who are you to say it didn’t happen or it wasn’t real?? 
Every single one of us are experiencing this life in a different way. The thing is, people get so wrapped up in their own heads and their own experiences that they forget everyone else is having their very own experience as well, which has NOTHING to do with you. 
It’s like everyone holds on to their beliefs with all their might! I like to call them “Believies!” We all have our believies and we go around telling everyone all about our believies and what we think and what is “real” to us. The thing is, none of your believies are real to anyone else but YOU!!! 
All of the believies that each of us have are no more than the sum of our experiences. That is the reason we all have such very different ideas about the way things are or should be. It’s all just a huge collection of thoughts that are directly stemmed from your experience on this planet.
The problem is when a person gets so wrapped up and stuck in their own head, they do not realize that outside of themselves are people with a different set of eyes and a different set of thoughts. 
Even folks that grow up in the very same house with the very same parents will have completely  different ideas about how things were. 
Right now is a hard time in our country. There is rioting and people screaming to be heard! They want to be heard! WE ALL Want to be heard. 
When people are screaming that injustice has occurred, who has the right to deny it?? 
If your child came to you and told you that someone made them feel uncomfortable and said really bad things to them, would you tell them they were wrong, or that it wasn’t true? Would you tell them it didn’t happen?
When do we stop denying and start listening to the voices that are screaming??  The voices that are hurting and crying for someone to hear them. If it was someone you love screaming and begging to be heard…would YOU listen??
My true believie above all else is that the only way TO PEACE is THROUGH PEACE!! …for all of us…
THIS HERE was written by one of my favorite people ever. She always seems to put into words exactly what is in my heart! 

Get off the couch LAZY A$$!!

As of recently, I have been on a quest to “try” to be healthier. I do that sometimes. Every so often I will go through a health kick sort of deal, and buy veggies at the store, and drink green juice, and really try to keep an actual schedule with exercise and stick to it. I’ve never really been good with structure. I’m just not built that way. My true inner guide is one that is always late to everything, loves junk food, and can watch hours upon hours of Netflix! No matter how much healthy food I eat, and how many hours of exercise I put in at the gym, I have never grown a love for that type of thing. It’s just not who I am! I have to force myself to exercise, and force myself to eat broccoli. Every time I hear people saying things like, “Once you start being healthy all the time you never crave the bad stuff! It’s a lifestyle change!”  I call Bullshit!!
Maybe that works for some folks, but not everybody. Eating right and exercising is great, but I will never love it! And that’s okay. My favorite motto ever is “You do you!” So if you LOVE eating lettuce and doing bicep curls…  you do it!!! And if you love Cheetos, and Netflix marathons rather than color rad marathons… you do it! You do you!!
Which brings me to this. Even though I am not a lover of exercise, I still try to incorporate it in my life. I have done so many different types of exercise. I have done Zumba, Taebo, Turbofire, T25, cardio kickboxing, barre fitness, abs of steel, buns of steel, worked out on an elliptical, punching bag, bike riding, you name it… I’ve done it! I have even owned my very own thigh master, and I used the shit out of that thing!  It never actually gave me thighs of steel though.  I may have been using it wrong. I would plop down in front of the t.v and watch Beverly Hills 90210 back when Dylan (the hottie bad boy) and Brenda (the narcissistic crazy girl) were dating. The problem was I would end up eating a bag of chips while I was squeezing my thighs. I figured one was canceling out the other! (let me live with my lie okay!)
As of recently, the new exercise gig I am trying out is jogging. If you follow My Facebook Page, I have talked about this before. On my very first jog ever, I lost my lungs. When I started, they were attached, and five minutes in… my lungs detached from the designated place they are supposed to be, and dropped somewhere into my liver or pancreas. I’m still not sure! I have not been able to retrieve them as of yet! Still working on that! Anyway… In my quest to start a jogging regime, I have come across a few things along my journey that I can’t figure out. I thought I would share them with you.
1) Why is there always a shoe in the ditch? It’s always ONE shoe just laying on the side of the road, or in the ditch. Now first of all, I am going to obviously assume that the person wearing that shoe was snatched up, and is now being held captive in some gross basement somewhere being forced to eat cow brains while being brainwashed about how aliens will be coming back to take the Earth from us all! But also… if you are jogging, and somehow one of your shoes falls off Cinderella style, how are you not feeling this? How is a person just walking around without one shoe and doesn’t even notice. Do they get home, and their partner says “Hey Bob… what happened to your shoe?” and bob says “Oh wow… I had no idea it was gone!! I was so involved in my awesome run, that I didn’t even notice all the gravel and glass shards I was running over!.” I don’t get it! 
2) Twice I have come across underwear balled up on the side of the road covered in doodie! WHAT IS UP PEOPLE??!! Who is doodieing themselves and just throwing the unders out the window? I have actually crossed the road because I don’t even want to jog next to balled up doodie underwear! If you would have just stopped and pulled down your underwear, squatted and doodied like a normal person, there would be no need to take off your underwear and throw it on the side of the road!
3) The dead animal carcasses. I realize nature is nature and there is nothing we can do about that! But when you are running along, you have your headphones on and are lost in a song, and then the smell hits your nostrils like a wrecking ball (see what I did there) and it gets closer and closer until you realized it’s a smooshed up skunk that birds have been munching on all day! Who knows how long it’s been cooking in the sun. And now you have to run by that awful thing! Without a gas mask!! ugh…
4) The staring folk! Now I know what you are going to say. Ignore all the people that stare, who really cares what they think! I agree with that. But sometimes it gets kind of annoying. Here you are trying to get your jog on and not doing a very good job of it, and car after car is racing by you. And then you have the car filled with 10 teenagers, and you know they shouldn’t even be all fitting in that car, and yet there they are. They go as slow as possible by you and they are all staring out the window and making faces because they think they are so friggin hilarious.  “Yes teenagers… that is my ass bouncing all over the place… what of it??? Mark my words! You will be me one day!”
5) Along with the staring judgmental people, comes the staring judgemental animals! If you happen to live in the city, you will probably get some crazy dogs freaking out as you have to jog by their fence. You also have to deal with those nasty tree squirrels that are sitting in the tree just waiting to pounce on you as you jog by. I live in the country and so I get to jog by all the judgemental cows and bison! Yep… you read that right!! The judgemental cows!! I can’t tell you how many times I have had to jog past judgemental cows. The worst part is, they are the ones that smell like ass… and yet they are judging ME??!! 
6) And let’s not forget the bug buffet that you end up having after a nice jog! If you start to sweat, you get the added bonus of those nasty little fuckers sticking to you. The most annoying of all are those little gnat things that continue to fly right around your face holes. Their favorite place to be is in your eyeballs, up your nose, and in your mouth!!! WHY???? You try to run faster thinking you can outrun those assholes, but you can’t!! NO matter how fast you go, that swarm of gnats is right there with you!! It’s like they have become part of your aura now!!  You also have the random cricket that you see up ahead. You try to avoid it, and instead of jumping away from you, that fucker jumps RIGHT AT YOU!!!! Which of course causes you to do the embarrassing “Is there a bug on me?” dance in public… Awesome…
This is how I usually look after a nice jog!
Honestly, I am not against Marathons!  I Just prefer the kind that inolve popcorn and Netflix!

YOU are Dead to Me… AGAIN..

Have you ever been standing in line somewhere, and you have been waiting already for a damn long time, and out of nowhere the person in front of you notices a friend of theirs that they haven’t seen in a while. The friend comes over and they start gabbing and laughing and going on and on, and you are standing there just wanting this line to move up so you can get on with your life. The line starts moving but because these two are talking about old times, they do not notice  the moving line and keep laughing and jabbering on. There is a big space between the person in front of you and the person in front of them. Now mind you, you have been waiting for what feels like three years at this point! Now these two people are sitting here, having a reunion and NOT moving up!! You momentarily think about just jumping right in front of them to keep the line moving. You then try all the usual techniques of trying to get a point across to someone without actually saying anything. Like staring really hard at the open spot. Looking at them, and then at the spot, and then at them again, and then the spot!! You think “Maybe if I make some noises, they will realize that I’m here waiting.” So, you proceed to make a series of coughs and sighs and clearing throat noises, maybe some moose calls or some mating geese noises, just to make sure they hear you. Finally they very slowly start to move up. At this point you already know all about how this lady has a two year old and got fired from her job, and her asshole husband never helps around the house.  You finally make it almost to the destination of the customer service window that you have been waiting for… and this bitch in front of you asks if her friend can jump in line since she is already there!!!! WHAT??!!!  Those people…. they are DEAD TO ME!!! 
A while back I wrote a post RIGHT HERE about all the people and things that are dead to me! This is how I deal with the bullshit that drives me insane! I just kill it with my mind. It works too!!  Anything that is absolutely making you crazy… kill it!! I mean, don’t really kill it! But kill it, bury it in your backyard, and be done with it! My backyard at this point is nothing more than a big ass grave full of dead shit. For instance…
Walking into a public restroom, and there is a group of girls in there. One of them is clearly upset about something and the others are consoling her. As I walk in, they look at ME like I’m the asshole for intruding! Well, excuse me that I have to pee!! I’m so sorry to barge in on your love fest, but my bladder is going to explode and this does happen to be the place that is designated for leaving your piss. I could piss in the hallway… but I don’t want to. So you know what….. you’re all DEAD TO ME!!!  And now that you are all dead to me, … I can pee in peace! 
Anyone who starts a sentence with “I’m not trying to be mean BUT”, or “Oh my gosh, you got a haircut?? but it was SO PRETTY before”, …or “When did you start wearing purple. I am just not used to seeing you wear colorful clothing. It’s weird”… or “You have really gotten gray since the last time I saw you…are you not using Clairol anymore?”. DEAD TO ME!!!
Whoever it is that keeps taking showers in the bathrooms at Walmart, and leaving the sinks so damn wet that no matter how hard you try to keep from getting your shirt wet, you still end up looking like you just walked out of a wet t-shirt contest…. you are DEAD TO ME!!
The following types of toilet paper:  Thin, public school toilet paper, because it basically means I’ll be wiping with my bare hand. Toilet paper that shreds as you wipe, because you are suppose to be cleaning my ass, not decorating it with bits of TP confetti. Toilet paper that breaks off every square as you try to get it off the roll because it means that you are in the bathroom ten years too long, causing your friend to look at you funny when you finally return to them.   Toilet paper, you are DEAD TO ME!! I will continue to use you, because I have to, …but you are still DEAD TO ME!! And seriously toilet paper, you have ONE job… Can you please just do your damn job!! Dead to me…
My television remote is Dead to me!! It’s actually been dead for a while now, and I keep forgetting to buy the right kind of batteries at the store. Dammit..
I have a dishwasher. Does it wash the dishes??.. Not really! The silverware always ends up coming out with crap stuck to it, and the glasses are all spotted up with water spots. And if anyone eats nachos or oatmeal, ..that shit is stuck on the dishes for DAYS!! So I will generally scrub the dishes before I even put them in the dishwasher….which makes no sense because it’s a DISH WASHER!! Anyway…., have you ever been standing there scrubbing the grime off of your dishes, and then you accidentally drop your rag or scrubber in the awful, disgusting, water that has food floating in it, and who knows what else, and then the water splashes up and gets you in the mouth, on the face, and down your shirt?!  All of it…the water, ..the scrubber and most definitely the dishwasher,…. DEAD TO ME!!! In my backyard….DEAD!!
98.2 % of all Customer Service Reps are dead to me!! Now don’t get your panties in a bunch okay. The other day I posted on Facebook about how customer service reps are assholes, and I wondered if it is an actual job requirement. I had someone cuss me out hardcore over that. So I’m guessing they were a customer service rep! Anyway, …in my vast expereince of dealing with customer service reps….I have found that 98.2 % are mother fucking jerk face assholes! It’s the truth, so don’t get mad at me for pointing it out. And if you don’t like it because you are a customer service rep, ..then don’t be a mother fucking jerk face asshole, and nobody will think that about you! I too am an asshole, …but more of the sensitive kind. I’m a sensitive asshole! Shut up…they exist!! Anyway….I have killed off about 98.2% of customer service reps and buried them in my backyard!! DEAD TO ME!!! 
This toy that Buster is trying to kill me with is DEAD TO ME!! And really truly in a grave!! That fucker is in the bottom of the trash bin at this very moment! shh…don’t tell the kids! (Look at Buster just sitting there waiting for me to step on that awful torture toy!! I know what you are up to Buster… I am on to you)
So there you have it! A revised version of You Are Dead To Me! I have never watched the show How to get away with Murder, but I have no doubt Viola Davis is amazing in it. And she is probably way more classy, and a much better consultant on murder than I ever could be, but if you are in a pinch, …and really need to “take care of something or someone”.. then you are welcome to use my technique, and kill off whatever or whoever you need to. But please use your own backyard to bury them because mine is getting really filled up! I do still have room for any Internet trolls that are going to say some rude shit. So if you plan on coming on here and saying something rude, ..just know that you are Dead To Me, ..and buried in my backyard fertilizing the flowers!

If you don’t eat your meat, You can’t have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!

Yes….the title of this post is a lyric in the song Pink Floyd’s The Wall!! “We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control, No dark sarcasm in the classroom, Teachers leave them kids alone! Hey! teachers! leave them kids alone! All in all you’re just another brick in the wall! All in all you’re just another brick in the wall!”

This post has absolutely nothing to do with Pink Floyd or this song. It just worked really well for my title!

Having been through primary school, junior high school, high school, and most of college, I believe I am a professional in the way of public school. I’ve been, I’ve succeeded, and I have no desire to ever return. The main reason for this, among other reasons, is that at my age, looking back, I realize that the rules enforced in public schools are BULLSHIT. I have some examples for you. So, without further adieu, here are the school rules.

– No running in the halls! BUT you can’t be late to class, or you will get a tardy. Seriously, three to five minutes should be enough for you to get all the books you need, get a drink of water, and go to the bathroom without being late. But no running.


– You are not allowed to wear hats in school. It’s rude. Also, no tank tops or short skirts, because it’s revealing and rude. BUT cheer-leading uniforms are completely alright. Sure, they may have midriffs showing or, in some cases, butt cheeks, but they are okay. It’s to build team spirit. But hats are fucking rude, don’t wear them.




– You can’t do your homework during detention. No, you must do nothing. Isn’t that horrible? Doing nothing? I’m sorry, isn’t “doing nothing” a favorite pass time for teenagers? It’s, like, their second favorite activity, just behind doing stupid shit. Or you could force them to do their homework, and that would be forcing them to learn, to get their homework done, and to do something they hate. Punishment accomplished.

– Playground rules are the best. No climbing up the slide. No standing on the teeter totter. And only swing back and forth. These rules are placed because these activities are dangerous. BUT these are totally deemed safe.

Nothing to worry about here…



What could possibly go wrong with this scenario~


– No throwing snow balls at recess! What do you think this is? A playground? If you want to have fun in the snow, just have fun standing in it. That should be fun enough for you. Just stand there.

– Stand in line perfectly. If all of you fail at standing in line perfectly and silently, we will practice it for however long it takes. Practicing standing in line for ten minutes straight? Time well spent. It’s not like they could be doing something more important, like math or science.

– Teachers are only hired if they have a certain amount of schooling and qualifications. BUT anybody is qualified to be a lunch lady or bus driver. Is there a school out there that actually does any background checks on these people? Do they even go to a job interview? Because from my experience, anybody is allowed to cook your child’s food. And who cares if the guy is a drunk? I’m sure he can drive a bus load of children. Psh. They’ll be fine.

– Homework is stupid. Sorry, child, I know you have spent 8 hours doing shit you hate, but it’s not enough. Teachers will send home more work, so that you have to do more shit you hate. The fun part is that it’s not only you that suffers, but also your parents.

Story Time with Me

This is a personal experience of mine. Imagine it. It’s cold outside. Not snowing, but chilly. I’m in the 6th grade. Begin scene.

Teacher: Where is your coat?

Me: I didn’t bring one.

Teacher: You need a coat.

Me: I’m fine.

Teacher: It’s cold outside.

Me: Honestly, I’m good. I’m not cold.

Teacher: You have to wear a coat.

Me: I don’t need a coat because I’m not cold.

Teacher: You have to. Go to the lost and found and find a coat to wear.

At this point, what I wanted to say was, “Ew! So I’m not allowed to be cold, but I am allowed to wear something that could have a number of diseases (like LICE) in it that somebody obviously didn’t want anymore, otherwise they would have rescued it from the lost and found. If it was too dirty to keep, I don’t want it on my body.” But, I was in the 6th grade and liked being a good student. So, I went to the lost and found. The choices were sparse, but I found a lovely sweater with a skull on it that smelled funny. Yeah. You’re right, Teacher. This is better than being mildly cold. Thank you for your concern.


So, I guess the point is that even though getting an education is great, public school needs to really think through their outdated rules. Catch up with the rest of the modern world, school!

*Side Note – I love Teachers and think they have the hardest job in the world!! I also believe that most teachers deserve lots of Vodka from all of the parents of the kids that they have to deal with on a regular basis!! ~ So send them some Vodka…they would probably appreciate it. :)


Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done!~

If you follow my Facebook page, you may remember a story I told a while back about picking up my nine year old from school one day!! 
This happened:
As I was picking up the nine year old from school today, he started to walk towards the car, ..and there was another kid walking next to him. Out of nowhere, they both drop their backpacks and take off running toward the buses! Then my son comes back, picks up his back pack, ..and walks over to the car.
Me – “What was that all about?”
The 9 year old – “Oh that was some random kid that wanted to race to the buses!”
Me – “So you didn’t even know him?”
The 9 year old – “No! but he said…hey want to race to the buses and I was like…sure.”
All I keep thinking about is, what if grown ups did things like that?!..
I’m walking through Walmart in the frozen section and a random lady is standing there picking out a frozen lasagna. She looks at me and I look at her…
Random lady in the freezer section – “Hey…wanna race to the chip aisle?”
Me – “Hell to the Ya I do!!! Let’s do this!”..
So we both take off racing to the chip aisle. I win of course because I’m awesome!
Random lady – “awww man!! I was so close!” …then she walks off…
Who do I have to get a hold of to make this a thing??… because I am in!!
This got me thinking about how being an adult is so stupid sometimes! It’s like, somewhere along the way we lose our sense of whimsical thought, and we become much more hardened about the world.  I don’t know when it happens, but it is sad that it happens. 
There were so many things I was expecting adulthood to be like that never actually happened.  Things like this:
1) I was certain I was going to end up one day dealing with volcano Lava. I was extremely prepared for it too.  I used to jump from couch to couch and knew exactly how to get past volcano Lava without getting touched by it at all!   I would say…I was Pro level!!
2) Another thing I have yet to have been faced with is quicksand! In the 41 years I have been on this Earth, I have never even seen quicksand!  I am probably over prepared for quicksand though. I had even drawn out an escape plan and had it folded up and carried it around with me for the majority of ’82. 
3) I will admit to actually believing that the crust of the bread is the healthiest part! I blame my Mom for this!! When I actually started eating it, ..I really thought I had achieved something great. Now I am a “healthy” eater. Just call me “health nut” because I ate the crust of the bread!! Thanks mom…for that LIE!!!!
4) I can’t tell you how many times I was going to “run away” as a kid! I had picked the perfect stick, and kept a red bandanna at all times just in case. I had planned on putting a slice of bread, and my strawberry shortcake doll in the bandanna and tying it to the end of the stick. I did actually make it as far as two houses down once, but I got hungry and ate the bread and was still hungry so I went home for dinner…(FYI – they didn’t even know I left)..
5) I also have not experienced being able to walk off a cliff and actually be stuck there for five seconds until you start to fall. I used to always tell myself that if I ever walk off a cliff and am stuck in mid air for five seconds, like every looney toon ever ..instead of looking down, I would use that time wisely and just…you know….walk back to the edge….. problem solved!!!!
6) Another thing I was sure was going to happen was that I would most likely get attacked by a shark while I was taking a bath or swimming in a pool! Especially the deep end! I can assure you that I have taken many baths, and swam in many pools and haven’t been attacked yet by a shark! I suppose it could still happen though…
7) I was also waiting for the day that my brothers face would get stuck like this!!!
That actually ended up happening…. 
If you are reading this… Just kidding bro…. (not really though)… ;) 
Not much of what I actually thought being an adult would be like has come true! But I can tell you that I have figured out what most of being an adult really is…
It’s taxes!! Being an adult is mostly paying taxes! …  
That’s all folks!!~

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