Weight Loss, Balls, and other Annoyances…

It’s that time of year where we see blogs, videos, and articles all over the Inter-webs about New Year resolutions and new beginnings for 2016. It’s very inspiring… and also annoying. Mostly because I consider myself a fairly self aware individual. Which means I am acutely aware of my propensity to procrastinate… on everything… (do you like all those fancy words I used??)
 
 
I stopped making New Year resolutions because I procrastinate… and because of that, I will almost certainly not follow through which will eventually make me feel like dump about myself.
 
 
It’s my own fault. I end up giving myself expectations that are so huge no one could possibly live up to them. No… I am done with that! 
 
 
I have instead decided to be content and okay exactly as I am. However, that does not mean that I am not moving forward. I am always moving forward. Learning, growing… and always moving forward to a new place. But enough with the damn expectations already!
 
 
There is nothing wrong with me just as I am… and there is nothing wrong with you just as you are!!
 
 
But that is not what this post is about. So let me get to the point. My most read and shared blog posts from past years tend to be ones that are bitchy in nature. You guys LOVE reading the stuff I complain about. Ya bunch of weirdos…  Just Kidding! But not really kidding though..
 
 
So I figured since you guys love it when I rant, I would give you a big old end of the year rant!! 
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Enjoy!!
 
 
It has been a year full of all kinds of crazy. But we have to start somewhere so I decided to start with this!
 
 
This… 
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Can we all please just STOP saying this!!
 
 
First of all… we live in a world where for some reason people love to use the term “grow a pair” as a sign of strength. I know you know!! WE ALL KNOW… This is FALSE advertising for balls folks!!
 
 
BALLS ARE WEAK!! They are not strong and they are certainly not the sign of strength in any way what so ever.  Every single time I see a person tell someone to grow a pair… my eyes roll so far back into my head I can actually see my brain!!
 
 
Look at this for a minute okay?
 
 
A Vagina spits out a FUCKING HUMAN BEING!!! YOU in fact. A Vagina pushed YOU into this world that you are currently breathing in!  And after it does that… it continues to work. And in many cases it will push out multiple human beings… back to back… and still keep on ticking. It’s like the energizer bunny… It keeps going and going.
 
 
 
I’m not saying that a Vagina doesn’t get banged up after pushing out people… but that son of a bitch keeps going! Vaginas are NOT WEAK!
 
 
Balls on the other hand…  are LITERALLY the weakest part on a human body. So weak in fact that every movie you have ever watched, or book you have ever read where a guy is attacking a girl…  if she kicks him flat in the balls, he drops. That guy is down!! If you barely scrape a pair of balls, they practically deflate. (and nobody likes deflated balls! AMIIRIGHT??)
 
 
So why?? Why do we use that term as a sign of strength when it is anything but strength?
 
 
I don’t get it!! That needs to change! It’s idiotic! Balls are WEAK!!!! 
 
 
Okay… now that I finally got that out of my system… Do you know what is super extremely annoying? When people lose weight and all of a sudden think they now somehow have earned the right to be a judgy asshole to other folks who have not lost weight.
 
Listen okay… If you decided to lose weight.. awesome! Do it!! Go for it! But that does not win you the medal of being a Judgy Mcjudgerton to everyone else who has not lost weight. 
 
 
Some people are happy just as they are. Who are you to tell them they need to lose weight if they are perfectly happy with the weight they have? YOU do not have a right to choose what makes another person happy. That is NOT for YOU to decide. Nothing is more annoying than the person that lost 40 pounds who sits on Facebook posting before and after pictures telling everyone that they need to GET OFF THEIR LAZY ASS AND DO IT!!!
 
 
Well… I say FUCK YOU!!! Here is the thing. Before you decided to start losing weight, you didn’t lose weight. And then you did. Maybe other people aren’t there yet. Maybe they haven’t reached that point where they want to do it. Everyone has a different road. And just because your road led you to lose 40 pounds does not mean every single person has the same road. Not to mention you have no idea why a person has weight on them. Medications… sickness… or because they fucking love food! Which is not bad! It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! So lose weight if you want to. Do it for yourself. But if you are posting over and over on Facebook telling people they need to get on it and quit being lazy, thinking you are being inspirational… NOPE!!! You are being a pretentious asshole. 
 
 
Side Note – I am not talking about being proud of yourself. That is a completely different thing. There is a huge difference between being proud of yourself and being a pretentious asshole!! Although, I am not a fan of before and after pictures. You were beautiful before, and you are beautiful after!
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Another super annoying thing about Facebook… the kardashians. When is this going to stop!! WHEN?? Why?? HOW?? I read somewhere that you can put a filter in your news feed that will keep anything kardashian from popping up and all I have to say about that is LIES!!! Every day my trending feed has something about a kardashian! EVERY SINGLE DAY! It goes something like this:
 
Trending Feed:
 
-Kim wore a shirt today! Twitter goes crazy
 
-Kendell put pink lipstick on! Instagram breaks in half
 
-Kanya and Kim name their kid Fart face! The Internet blows up!
 
 
WHY??.. WHY WHY WHY???
 
 
I don’t understand. I actually think the Kardashians might be like those Twilight vampire people or something. They are just always there! ALWAYS!! 1852, the kardashians were there… 1901, kardashians were there… 1930’s, kardashians were there… 3000’s, kardashians will be there… 
 
 
I’m guessing the only way to get rid of the Kardashians would probably be some kind of ancient silver plated pair of scissors. I am certain there is a special lace thong underwear that has been passed down from generation to generation. You will have to go on a harrowing deathly journey to find the mystical garment, climbing through piles and piles of clothes and make-up and shoes… SO MANY SHOES, only to find a safe. It won’t be easy… but once you figure out how to get into the safe you will find the magical, mystical underwear inside.  You must then cut the thong with the ancient silver plated scissors into tiny little pieces, burn the pieces…. and then bury the ashes deep in the heart of the Bermuda triangle and then maybe… just maybe they will go away! Not likely though…
WHO WORE IT BETTER
Buster or Kim??..
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Okay… there is so much more that I want to discuss, but I will have to do a part 2 because this is getting ridiculously long!
 
 
In part 2 we can talk about how in the hell is a racist, sexist, bigot one of the Presidential candidates for this amazing country that has a root system based on FREEDOM! And how rapists that wear funky sweaters get away with rape! I would also like to discuss how actually funny it is that every time someone goes to the theater to watch Star Wars, they have to post a picture of themselves sitting in the theater. My Facebook feed is filled with thousands of pictures of folks sitting in theaters with “hashtag Watching Star Wars!!!” Do they feel like nobody will believe them unless they take a picture? I actually think it is very endearing. I am a fan of Star Wars. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but you know I will most definitely take a picture while I am sitting in the theater and post it to Facebook… saying “Hashtag STAR WARS BITCHES!!!”…
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I’m Angry… Really Angry!

Here it is, a few days after Christmas and almost a brand New Year to start things fresh, and all I feel is anger! Coursing through every vain in my body. And no matter how many times I try to deny it, or not feel it… I can’t seem to make it go away. 
 
 
It makes me feel bad. I know we are suppose to be happy, joyous and always choose to feel love. But sometimes things happen in our lives. Things that makes us feel angry. Things that make us sad. Those feelings are just as real as feeling happiness and joy. They are just as real and all consuming. The problem is that when you have anger and rage inside of you, you also feel like it’s wrong. You are not suppose to have those feelings because those are the wrong feelings. They are the feelings of the “bad” people. Good people are always happy and feel love for all things. And because you feel wrong, you spend so much time trying to figure out how to get out of that feeling and change it to happiness so that you aren’t “wrong.” 
 
 
Well… I have decided to call BULLSHIT on this! Right now at this time in my life.. I am ANGRY!!! I am really really angry. 
 
 
I have tried to meditate, but every time I sit down I feel the anger rising up into my throat like bile. I have tried to watch happy, thought provoking videos and two minutes into the video I am wanting to throw the screen out my front window. I have read article after article about how to be happy inside. I have tried to change this feeling in so many ways, twist it around to see it differently, change the story in my mind and NONE of it is working. 
 
 
So I have decided to do something different this time. I have decided to feel angry. Just feel every bit of what I need to feel. Take it in… write it out… feel it!!! Because this is how I feel right now. Being angry is not wrong. It just is! It’s part of being human and living life. Maybe the reason I can’t get past it, is because I keep feeling guilty and wrong about it. 
 
 
I don’t want to do that anymore. I choose to feel this because it is the truth of where I am right now. Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe not. But right now… this is my truth.
 
 
I am angry because every time I sit down to write, a feeling of fear comes over me and so I get up and distract myself with other things instead of writing.
 
 
I am angry because I am avoiding myself.
 
 
I am angry because I’m afraid.
 
 
I am angry because when I started writing, I knew I had found a big part of myself that was lost… and now I feel lost again.
 
 
I am angry because trying to keep a blog going on the Internet is no different than dealing with high school mean girls and cliques. We are all basically saying the same thing… it’s who is popular that gets the votes! (true story!)
 
 
I am angry because the top trending story right now is how many Christmas presents that Kanye bought Kim… REALLY???!!!! Is this really the world we live in right now??
 
 
I am angry because people are fake and fickle! (including me).. obvs
 
 
I am angry because the day after Christmas my bathtubs and sinks were full of poo water due to the fact that my septic tank backed up and it cost $400.00 to fix it…. ON THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!! bleh…
 
 
I am angry that I buy into the fact that I’m not good enough just as I am. That even though my amazing Husband tells me I’m gorgeous every single day… I can’t believe him. I still feel like I need to lose weight, or go on a diet. 
 
 
I am angry that people do not have enough courtesy or respect when they are sick to STAY AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GET SICK!!! 
 
 
I am angry because every time I eat a Reese’s, I feel like I did something bad! WHY should I have to feel like I am a bad person for eating something?  Can we just stop making people feel bad for what they eat??
 
 
I am angry because I spent a lot of money for Christmas on people that are not appreciative and could care less!! ( and I am not talking about my kids… I’m talking about grown ass adults that should know better.) 
 
 
I am angry because they are selfish.
 
 
I am angry because people don’t see things the way I see them! Why not?? Why can’t they understand my way is the right way!! (I’m totally kidding you guys!!)… I’m not kidding though…
 
 
I am angry when I have to be around grown ass adults that have NO manners!
 
 
I am angry for being angry that people are not reacting the way I think they should. I know better than this. Expecting people to react the way I think they should is not only stupid but completely pointless. 
 
 
I am angry because all the reasons that I am angry are MEANINGLESS. Truly meaningless. I am angry because I am angry and I don’t want to be.
 
 
But maybe being angry is how I realize and appreciate when I am not angry. Maybe this anger is what helps me to put into perspective the things that bring me such true happiness and joy.
 
 
For Instance:
 
 
Watching my kids open up their Christmas presents on Christmas morning and seeing their faces light up because they got something that they have wanted for a very long time.
 
 
Giving my Husband a handmade card that I drew myself (let me clarify… I SUCK at drawing! Like REALLY REALLY SUCK)… but I did it anyway because it was something that I really wanted to make for him. And it actually looks half way decent. It also made him tear up and I could see how happy it made him… which was everything to me!
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(I’m not even kidding you guys.. I totally made this myself! Just call me fucking Leonardo da Vinci and shit!!)
 
 
Having a person in your life that truly and deeply sees you. I don’t mean in that surface fake way either. Loving someone is wonderful… but understanding them is profound!
 
 
So… I am trying to say that it’s okay to be angry sometimes!! If you are feeling angry, maybe don’t try so hard to change it… just feel it. Feel it and then move on. Get a better feeling. Maybe the only way to the better feeling is through the anger.  So strap on a helmet and jump in! Swim around in it until your fingers get all pruney…
 
 
 
Geronimooooooo!
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Don’t be a Dick!.. It’s Christmas…

Dick walks into the Piggly Wiggly to buy some milk. As Dick is reaching in to get a gallon of milk he notices a big sign that says butter is on a super sale for the Holidays! He walks over to the butter container and reads the big sign. 
 
 
Get your butter today!! Nobody likes a DRY TURKEY for the Holidays!! Happy Holidays from us to you!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
Dick was so upset over the Happy Holidays display, that he decided he needed to calm down. He can not understand why so many people in this world keep saying Happy Holidays! Say Merry Christmas, goddammit. It upsets him very much!! So he heads over to his favorite coffee shop to get a skinny mocha latte half whip with a dash… just a dash of pumpkin spice flavor in hopes to calm down from that horrible Happy Holidays display. He orders his coffee, and as they hand it to him… he realizes that they have replaced his usual festive cup with an offensive red color!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
He was so upset that he actually threw the coffee away. How can he drink coffee out of a red cup with no Santa or snowflakes? It’s barbaric!! 
So far this day has been really rough on Dick. Every where he goes, he has to see things that offend him. This world is falling apart right in front of Dick’s eyes… and he just cant take it anymore. 
 
 
But even though the world is falling apart… Dick needs to eat because he skipped breakfast and now he is starving. He heads to his favorite restaurant for his usual meal of two eggs over easy with a side of CRISPY hash browns and three strips of bacon. The hash browns better be crispy though. The last time Dick went to his favorite restaurant for his usual meal of two eggs over easy, crispy hash browns and three strips of bacon… they had gotten a new cook in the back and when they brought his order out to him, the hash browns were not at all crispy. They were only kind of crispy. It really upset Dick. His entire day was ruined over that! Dick really hopes they get it right this time. 
 
 
As Dick gets seated in his usual spot at the restaurant, the hostess tells him that his waitress will be right with him. She tells him it has been a very busy day so please be patient and they will get to him as soon as possible. Dick DOES NOT like the sound of that. He is starving and has already had to deal with so much today… he is not sure he can handle a waitress that is not attentive and ON TIME! As Dick waits for his server to show up, he notices a table next to him has a baby and toddler. This makes Dick a little nervous. He has never been a fan of babies… or toddlers. Or kids at all really. Dick does not want to have to deal with kids while he is enjoying his meal!! 
 
 
Finally the server shows up and as Dick looks up at her, he realizes that he can not tell if the server is actually a “her.” He can not tell if the server is a man or a woman. The server has on pants and a very short haircut which Dick believes would make this person a man, but the server also has on eyeliner… which would make this person a woman! Dick becomes frustrated at not being able to tell what the gender of his server is!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
He is extremely offended at not being able to identify the gender of his server. He is not even sure he can eat his eggs anymore. Dick needs to know if his server has a Penis or a Vagina. It is HIS RIGHT to know!! He is very upset… but decides to order his meal anyway because he doesn’t think he can handle another upsetting thing happening today. He orders his meal and waits patiently for it to arrive. As he is waiting, he starts to hear the table with the baby and toddler getting louder. THIS is exactly why Dick does not like having kids in restaurants where he eats. It is UNFAIR for him to have to listen to the sounds of children while he is trying to eat. The children become louder and louder and the toddler breaks out in a full tantrum. THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
 
 
Dick – OFFENDED
 
 
How dare these people take their kids out to a public restaurant! It is RUDE! He is trying to eat! Dick decides he has had enough and he is LEAVING!!! AND he is not going to give that server a tip. It is his right to know if that server has a Penis or Vagina, and since he can’t tell… then he is not leaving a tip! That will teach that server to walk around looking like that!
 
 
 
As Dick is leaving the restaurant, he looks at the table with the kids and gives them a really dirty look. He can not believe these awful people. There is also a very big group of about 10 people seated in the middle of the restaurant and they are making a lot of noise… but at least they don’t have kids at the table!
 
 
 
Dick has had a very bad day. Many things have offended Dick. He is not even sure he will ever have a good day again because the world is changing and Dick does not like it. He wants things to be exactly the same way they were when he was five yrs. old. 
 
 
 
When Dick was five yrs. old, all he did was play in his front yard with his neighbor friends and go to church on Sunday. His life was very simple. And he wants it that way NOW!!! Dick doesn’t understand why all the other people that are also on this Earth DO NOT do things the way he wants them to be.
 
 
 
Dick is so upset that he decides to go visit his very best friend Jane. Dick and Jane have been best friends since they were children. He loves Jane. She always seems to understand him.
 
 
 
Jane invites Dick in, and Dick begins to tell her all about his troubles. All of the offensive things that the world keeps doing to him!
 
 
 
Jane sits Dick down and explains to him how he is not the only person on this rotating planet. She explains to him that even though the world may have seemed different when he was five yrs. old… it really wasn’t. He was only five so his experiences were very limited. The world has always been this way.  And ALL people are having a different experience. She also explained to Dick that getting offended by such silly things is really only hurting himself. Because people will always do what they want to do regardless of what anyone else thinks. Jane continues on by telling Dick that he is really just being a Dick… and needs to chill out… and that if he stopped noticing so much what other people were doing and instead focused on what he was doing… his day would probably go much better. And he wouldn’t be so concerned about what anyone else chooses to do with their life.
 
 
 
Dick thinks about all that Jane has said. Maybe Jane is right!! Maybe Dick and Jane should just chill!!! Order some pizza, turn on Netflix… and CHILL!!!
 
 
 
Dick thinks that’s a good idea! And now Dick is no longer such a dick…
mf
 

Happy Friggin Thanksgiving!!!~

Ooops, I Said Vagina... Again..

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I decided to talk about something that has been weighing on my mind. Why every year Thanksgiving always has to be at MY house! Listen, I am not trying to sound like a complete asshole here, but as I have said in previous posts… I really am an asshole. I just am! I am also sensitive. I’m what you call a sensitive asshole!!  Here is some reasons why I DO NOT want to have Thanksgiving at my house…

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RAW TURKEY! I hate raw anything, but when the damn thing is the size of a small child, and I have to sit there and massage the fucker, and rub butter all over it, and stick my hands up its ass to get out its guts and head and whatever the heck else is stuffed in it…. then I hate it even more! Once I finally…

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I Love him, I Love him not!.. How to find your person…

It’s not always easy finding that one person that you want to spend all your time with. That one person that just gets you! Understands all of your quirky ways, and loves you anyway. We all want to be loved and accepted exactly as we are right?! And when you find that person… the one that accepts you with all your crazy, and still wants to hang out with you anyway… You keep that person, and don’t let them go!!
 
 
For instance… 
 
 
 Let’s say that you got really sick and had to be put on a very high dosage of antibiotics. And because you were on those antibiotics for a while, you ended up getting a very bad Vagina infection caused by the antibiotics. (it happens)
Now your Vagina area is basically a fiery pit of fiery hell that is ON FIRE!!!… Did I mention the fire?
You call your Doctor, and they tell you to go get some over the counter Vagina medicine and use it. But you are at home and wrapped up in your heated blanket and don’t want to leave.
So you call your guy and tell him the situation. He goes to the store for you, and even asks the store clerk which medicine is the very best for Vagina burn… and he not only buys the Vagina medicine but also brings you a pack of Reese’s pumpkins!
YOU MARRY THAT GUY!!!! You marry him and stay with him FOREVER!!!!
 
If your guy is not afraid to buy Vagina medicine for you and even asks the store clerk what is the very best kind, he is a keeper for LIFE!!
***You should marry him… or at least give him a blow job… (guys love blow jobs).. I totally went there.. ;) 
 
 
 Or if it happens to be that time of the month, and you are crabby AND crampy and not at all feeling good. Plus you have run out of tampons and need some stat!! If your guy stops at the store and gets you tampons, a heating pad, a DVD of the Notebook, AND a container of  Ben and Jerry’s with a side of potato chips… MARRY HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!… or at least you could play a game of “sink the sausage” with him!… I would wait until Aunt Flow decides to leave… unless you are one of those “I earned my red wings” type of folks…. Too Far??..
 
 
 If your significant partner always makes sure that YOU “get there first!” Meaning, they make sure that you have reached the top of the mountain before they finish!… Basically they do not stop until you have an orgasm… then trust me, DO NOT let them go!! EVER!!! Especially if they are willing to take however long it needs to take, AND they are willing to do whatever needs to be done to get you there… IE – dressing up like a pirate,  or saying things like “have you been naughty today”… or rubbing whatever needs to be rubbed even if it’s located in a hard to reach spot! I’m saying if a person is willing to do what it takes to get you where you need to go…. KEEP THEM FOREVER!!!
 
 
 If you are sick with the flu, and your partner says “Don’t worry, I’ll cook dinner for the kids.” And even though they can not cook at all so they order a pizza for the kids, but still try to heat you up a can of soup… this is a person you want to keep around!! Don’t let them go… Or least don’t let them go until they pay the pizza guy.. 
 
 
 If your person HATES chocolate cake, but always orders chocolate cake for dessert when you go out to eat together because they know you love it….. Marry that person!!! 
 
 
 We live in a time of equality for all people. It is a great time, and I am a strong believer in equality for all people. But I also am a strong believer in manners. And if you happen to be out with a person (guy or girl)  that holds open the car door for you, or offers you a hand to get in and out of a vehicle that you are having trouble getting in and out of then that is a person with genuine manners for another person. If they hold open a door for you so that you can walk through first, they are someone you want to keep around. 
 
 
 If you just had a baby, and you are feeling not yourself at all. You are feeling fat, and ugly, and you can not seem to find yourself. And your guy looks at you and says to you that “You are more beautiful than you have ever been”… stay with him forever! Because he sees you!!!
 
 
 If you happen to be a person that has tremendous anxiety attacks or a panicky type of nature for the most part. You never know when something could set it off and send you into a tailspin of anxiety. And you happen to be with a partner who is the complete opposite of that, and they tend to have a much calmer nature about themselves. They have never really been able to understand your anxiety at all but when something occurs, they still look at you directly in your face and tell you “Everything will be okay, Everything is alright” over and over and over until you actually calm down enough to believe it… that is a wonderful person and you should not let them go! Actually you should marry them… or at least cuddle with them!!
 
 
 Let’s just say hypothetically that you “accidentally” ran over the jack hole douche nozzle that kept cutting you off, and passing you on the road almost causing a massive car accident that would have hurt a lot of people. You are not sure what to do, and so you call your person and tell them what happened. And instead of lecturing you about how you really need to work on your road rage, they instead help you dig a hole in the backyard. That is the person that you not only want to marry, but you might want to make sure you keep them happy!! They know stuff about you now… 
 
 
 If you are with someone who makes you laugh, and says nice things to you, then you should hang out with them. If you have fun together, and you really like them a lot, stay with them. If your person is the type of person that walks through a store and sees something that reminds them of you, so they buy it for you because they know how much you will love it. Or you are hanging out with a person that smiles and lights up every time your eyes connect. If you catch your person looking at you, and they immediately wink and smile, this is the person that you don’t want to let slip away… Hold on to them as tight as you can! I mean… don’t lock them up in a basement or anything… unless they ask you to of course… 
 
 
 
 
I have been hanging out with my guy for 28 years now! I like him. We like hanging out together, so we do! It’s not always easy, and it’s not always fun… because life can be like that sometimes. But when you find your tribe… your people,… the ones that see you.. I mean really see YOU… those tough times of life become not so tough to face. Finding your people.. the ones that really see you, can truly change your life.
If you have someone in your life that you like hanging out with.. then do it!! It doesn’t need to be anymore complicated than that!!
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Are YOU afraid??

It’s that time of year again. The time when all the leaves change to glorious colors and fall off the trees, and pumpkins and corn husks adorn people’s homes to celebrate Autumn festivities. Autumn is one of my favorite times of year. One of the things I look forward to most is Halloween fun. My kids love to dress up as scary monsters, and decorate the house as creepy as possible. I have always loved Halloween. When we were kids, my parents would give us huge pillow cases and we would walk around the entire neighborhood collecting candy. We were tough back then. None of this… “Only on our street” nonsense. We would go trick or treating for hours! Pretty much hitting every single house within a ten-mile radius, and going back for seconds to any house that gave out full size candy bars!! Trick or treating was serious business back then. My friends and I would map out a plan of the neighborhood days in advance. We would always make sure we had an extra pillow case on hand for overflow. And anyone that started whining about being tired and wanting to go home would have to give everyone else in the group half their candy for being such a lightweight!
 
 
 
I have always loved Halloween! I remember my parents decorating our front lawn with fake tombstones and making our yard look like a cemetery!! Ah good times…
 
 
I am also a huge fan of scary movies. I love all the Scream movies, and watch Halloween every single year. I watch all the zombie shows because… Obviously zombies are super cool. And I even recently watched a new show called Scream Queens with the amazing Jamie Lee Curtis and I LOVED IT!!! It reminds me of the ridiculous slasher films of the 80’s. 
 
 
I will never forget the first time I saw Nightmare On Elm Street at the drive ins. I couldn’t sleep right for six months after watching that. I kept imagining Freddie Krueger entering my dreams and throwing me in a boiler!! 
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I started to think about how so many times random things that we are afraid of are actually not scary at all.
 
 
Things like:
 
 
Baby Dolls – Everyone is afraid of baby dolls. But actually they are just plastic images of babies. And everyone loves babies right? Cute chubby babies cooing and coddling. 
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AND THEN THERE IS THIS!!!! Okay never mind… babies are scary…
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Bird Cages – I don’t know how, but bird cages have always had kind of a scary essence to them. They really are nothing more than a place to put your pet bird though. I mean look at this…
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AND YET!!!! Imagine it… walking by a birdcage while a bird sits chirping away, and then it stops chirping. SO you turn around and the swing is swinging by itself with no bird! Pretty scary right?? If you want to make it even scarier just put the baby doll in the bird-cage… You might as well be in a Horror film at that point!
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Houses – I don’t know what it is about houses, but any house that happens to have distressed paint, or was built anytime in the 1800’s is obviously FULL of ghosts. Everybody knows that ghosts like to hang out in those creepy non-painted houses. I have often wondered though, if I was a ghost I would much rather hang out in a nice newly built house that has awesome decorating and cozy fireplaces. Why would a ghost want to look at scary dingy walls for eternity? And why do ghosts never haunt boats or cars? I mean… think about it, if you were a ghost, wouldn’t you use those skills to float around and do all the things you couldn’t do before? Hop on planes and go anywhere in the world. Or go see a concert that you could never afford. Or swim with sharks even. Safety doesn’t really matter since you’re already dead. You now have a permanent Harry Potter invisibility cloak, you can do ANYTHING!!! Head over to Susie’s house and listen to all the crap she was talking about behind your back! You’re a ghost…
I mean really??… This place?? Why??
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Whistling –  A person whistling, especially when you two are the only people in the area, is terrifying for whatever reason. Most likely, they just have a catchy pop song stuck in their head that keeps playing on the radio, but to you… it’s a murderer. This usually leads to a jump scare as they pass you on the sidewalk, because you were expecting to defend yourself… Just add that to the list of embarrassing moments in life…
 
 
 
Raw Meat – I know this one seems strange but hear me out! RAW MEAT scares the bejeezus out of me! I am not a fan of raw meat. If you don’t cook it properly you can get diarrhea of epic proportions and the pukes and all the nasty germie nastiness. My Grandmother used to tell me stories of how she would visit Germany back in the early 40’s and they had raw hamburger stands. You could order hamburgers that were completely RAW! My Grandmother loved them and ate them often… until she got worms! She got worms so bad from eating raw burgers that she became really sick. She also contracted a tape worm and the only way to get it out was she had to starve for 4 days and then sit in a vat of buttermilk so that the tape worm would come out. Just think about that for a minute… let it sink in!! You are now scarred for life. So yes… I have always been afraid of raw meat! Thanks Grandma… Blink, Blink, Blink…
I don’t know… Maybe the shoes aren’t that bad…
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Flickering Lights – Usually flickering lights means that the bulb needs to be changed, yet if you are walking to your car in a parking lot, and one of the street lamps flicker in the distance, it’s always in the back of our mind that underneath that light, there is a ghost… or vampire, not the sparkly ones either… Though, I don’t think I’d be fond of running into Edward Cullen either… I was always Team Jacob.
AHHHHHH…….
 
 
 
Skeletons – Technically it’s just our bones inside if our body. If you see a skeleton in a science room, you don’t think anything of it. Take that same skeleton and shove half of it in the dirt and half of it coming out of the dirt, and it’s a nightmare waiting to happen!! I’m just saying… it’s all in how you look at it. Though if you find a human skeleton in your lover’s closet, maybe you should be at least a little scared… And you may want to break up with that person… And go to the police…
 
 
 
Alleyways at Night – Actually, just don’t go near those… Just to be safe…Seriously, it’s never a good idea… 
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See!! Bad idea…
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Hockey Masks – Technically they were designed to save a guys face in the middle of a hockey game… but put one on a serial killer and give him a machete and BOOM… instant murderer!  You know, maybe he is just misunderstood, and just wants to play… *cough* with your intestines *cough*… Too far?
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And can we all just agree that Donald Trumps hair truly is the scariest of them all?! I can’t believe no one has created a Facebook page for Donald Trumps hair yet. I can see his hair having its own cult following. The thing is, nothing against Donald Trump… but every so often, if you look at his hair long enough… you can see the souls of men swirling around in a vortex right on top of his head… 
 
 
Picture This:
 
 
Tonight on the News at 10… “Donald Trump’s hair has gotten loose… I repeat Donald Trump’s hair has gotten loose, Please stay indoors, and hold your loved ones tight. Make sure all your windows and doors are locked up tight! Whatever you do, if you happen to come face to face with THE HAIR… DO NOT make any sudden movements and NEVER look at the hair directly, for it may steal your soul. Your best bet for survival is to drop on the ground… roll around as if you are in agony, cough three times… and then yell “YOU’RE FIRED!!!” If that doesn’t work, just give it all your money… That seems to be what it truly wants. If you  have no money, chances are you are a goner.”
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And last but not least… the thing that is not really scary at all but we always seem to make them look scary is clowns.
 
Clowns – Silly, funny clowns!! Actually… fuck that… CLOWNS ARE EVIL!!! Straight from Satan!!! Clowns are gross you guys… Super gross!!! Sad clowns, happy clowns, it’s all the same… Screw off clowns!!! And don’t even get me started on clown’s creepy cousin the mime…
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Dear Fat People…

My 15-year-old daughter asked me to come watch a video today! It was a video that a teenage boy from her school shared on his Facebook page. The video is of a “comedian” pretty much making fun of fat people for six straight minutes. The girl in this video calls it “comedy!” 
 
 
 
After watching the disturbing video, I sat and talked to my 15-year-old daughter who is currently 105 pounds and still thinks she is fat! She thinks she is not good enough and never will be. I don’t know why. I have always told her she is perfect and beautiful just the way she is, but sometimes it’s not enough! On top of the ridiculous standards of society saying that we have to be skinny, blonde and perfect, we have people like this horrible woman who actually chooses to spend her time on this planet spewing ignorance and hate!!! 
 
 
 
I try very hard to keep the communication open with my daughters, but there are some 15-year-old girls out there that have no one. Every single person in their life will tell them they are not thin enough or pretty enough or good enough just as they are. Some girl out there will be told she needs to lose weight if she wants to be pretty! And then we have this asshole come along and put out a video just reassuring them that they are in fact never going to be lovable or good enough.
 
 
Knowing that my 15-year-old daughter watched this, I wonder to myself how many other 15 year olds watched this. And I wonder if this “comedian” even knows, or cares about how many people who will watch her video, and her words will be the last thing they ever hear!! How many people will watch her video and go to the bathroom and throw up as much as they can, or stuff their face full of more diet pills. How many people will cry themselves to sleep, or feel even more unlovable and alone than they did before those words ever hit their ears!
 
 
I wonder if she feels bad at all. If she even cares! 
 
 
 
My guess… She thought to herself how can I get people to look at me? I want to be noticed and nobody is noticing so what can I do?? What can I do to become famous!! Oh I know… I’ll tear apart an entire group of humans that I don’t know anything about, and maybe someone will look at me!
 
 
 
And it worked!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!
 
 
 
 
Well… good for you Nicole Arbour, you got what you wanted. You needed  people to see you and give you attention. I do wonder though, if anyone overdoses on diet pills tonight, or jumps straight off a bridge because of your words, I wonder if it will even bother you!
 
 
The fact is we all would like to believe that some stupid words that an ignorant woman posts on a video wouldn’t have that much effect on anybody. But the truth is, there are many people in this world that do not have a solid self-esteem foundation where they were told their entire life how awesome they are. Some people have completely the opposite. Maybe they were told every day that they suck and will never be good at anything and it takes everything for them to just get up and face another day. How ignorant of this woman to think that her words are nothing more than comedy, and that no one could possibly be affected by them! 
 
 
 
If you want to see some people who will make you feel happy, make you feel loved, and make you feel like you are perfect just as you are. Check out some of these amazing people who are spreading love and acceptance on the internet instead of vitriol and hate just to get some likes.
 
 
 
Veronica Pooh Nash –  I recently came across Veronica Pooh Nash! This woman is so unbelievably amazing. I have never in all my life felt such genuine love come across a video as when I watch this beautiful woman. Every word she speaks comes from love. I would rather have my 15-year-old daughter watch any video from Veronica Pooh Nash and listen to her say “I love you and there is nothing you can do about it”, then ever have my daughter watch another thing that comes from someone filled with such ignorance and hate! 
 
 
 
Meghan Tonjes – Always making videos telling people to love themselves just as they are! A real ground-breaker in the body positive movement!
 
 
The Militant Baker – Another body positive role model. Everything she puts out is telling people to LOVE themselves and letting them know that they are okay and deserving of love exactly as they are!
 
 
Hannah Hart – I have watched Hannah Hart for years! I adore her! In every video she posts, they are filled with love and positivity. She has the most amazing happy presence, and you can feel the happiness through the screen!
 
 
Joshua Evans – He vlogs everyday, and at the end of every single video he posts, he signs off with “Be nice to people!”… What a great message to spread around… 
 
 
Colleen Ballinger – She also vlogs and is the creator of Miranda sings! I have watched her vlogs and she is one of the kindest people.
 
Jenna Marbles – If you haven’t heard about Jenna Marbles you might be living under a rock. She is hilarious and a true comedian. She has made videos for years and never once needed to call people ugly, or fat just to get someone to watch them.
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Laci Green – I LOVE Laci Green videos. I have my daughter watch them just because her message is so powerful and amazing for young girls. You have to check her out!
 
 
If you watch a video or read an article, and after you are done you feel terrible and really bad inside, then something is wrong! You wouldn’t surround yourself with people who make you feel terrible and awful. We call those kinds of people Draining soul suckers for a reason!! Nobody needs that in their life! Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy. Being happy and loving is contagious! And just remember.. you really are perfect just as you are! That is the TRUTH!!!!
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This video response to the Dear fat People video is the best one I have seen so far! Grace Helbig.. another amazing person spreading happiness wherever she can!
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