An open letter to Facebook:
Oh the memories we have had Facebook. So many! Too many for me to remember. Especially as I get older, my memory gets worse and worse,…but that’s not a problem for you is it? You remember everything. Every moment, every picture, every like that was ever liked.
The other day I was thinking back to when it all started. The moment I decided to click on that blue sign that says Log in, sign up, or learn more. Well, of course I hit the sign up button. I was ready. I knew I could handle it! You see, ..before you Facebook, I was on Myspace. I would get on Myspace and put really colorful cool backgrounds on my page, and I would even post my favorite tunes. Myspace was really into music and videos, so every day I was able to post a new song for all the folks that would visit my page. Every week or so, I would change my background, depending on how I was feeling that day. GOOD TIMES!!
Then came you Facebook. A few friends of mine had moved over to you, and told me all about you. So I decided to give you a try. I clicked on the sign up button and my life was changed forever. Eventually I stopped using Myspace all together and you and I became exclusive.
Do you know how long we have been together Facebook?? Do you?? Of course you do because YOU remember everything. According to my timeline that you created for me, we have been together since august of 2007! WOW!! That’s 7 long years. It doesn’t seem like it has been that long. It still feels so new sometimes. That could be because since the very beginning YOU keep changing on me. No matter how faithful I am to you, I never know from one day to the next exactly how you are going to be. You are so damn temperamental anymore! You have become unstable! There was a time when I felt that I knew you..I really knew you inside and out, but those days are gone. I just never know one day from the next what I am going to see when I open you up.
You still have the best memory. I mean, you remember that time in 2009 when I tried to make lasagna? Oh…that was a bad idea wasn’t it!? I took the picture of how bad it turned out and then posted about how I can’t cook. It got some likes…and we all had a good laugh. If it wasn’t for you Facebook, I would have never remembered that. Or the time when I was driving and my coffee spilled all down the front of me because of the mofo in front of me slamming on their brakes for a fucking bird. YOU are the only reason I even remembered that!! I’m not as young as I used to be, and my memory is not as sharp as it once was. You are always here to remind me though Facebook!
The thing is…I just don’t know who you are anymore. It’s like half the time you are drunk and the other half you are on crack. Our relationship used to be so easy. I could get on, see some stuff that someone posted about something random and like it if I wanted to. You have taken that option away from me now. I have liked pages and you won’t even allow them to be in my newsfeed. Why do you even call it a newsfeed if you are not going to feed me with the daily news! The reason I liked those pages to begin with is because I wanted to see the daily shenanigans from them. In the beginning, you let ME choose. You let me decide what I liked and didn’t like. Those days are gone. You have become so controlling. Telling me what I Like and don’t like, and not showing me anything that I want to see. It’s not fair!! I feel like you want to control me rather than just be with me.
I have always remained faithful to you. I never went back to Myspace and I certainly never even tried any other sites. You were enough for me. You were always enough for me. Friends tried to get me on Twitter, and they told me how awesome it was to tweet. But I wouldn’t budge! No way could I cheat on my precious Facebook. So many have flocked to Instagram, but not me…I still have remained faithful through it all and kept my selfies on Facebook! I have even re-used my profile pictures because last month my camera broke and I have not been able to take any new pictures. Still though…I am here….liking random posts and pictures, posting about what my kid said in the car on the drive home yesterday, I even engaged in a political rant the other day. But that was just because it turned into a fight and I was bored.
Anyway…the point I am making is that before you Facebook…I was on Myspace with my random thoughts. And before Myspace, my random weird thoughts had no where to go but float around in my crazy head! For that Facebook, I will always be grateful to you. Although there are things that I wish you would just forget!! Like why do you have to remember every damn thing I ever said EVER!!!
The thing is Facebook…you have changed! AGAIN! Like you keep changing on me…I never know what to expect anymore with you. I’m hurt ya know. You cut me deep Facebook!! I trusted you…then you changed, then changed again, and again, ..then you did it again! and again…but more than the changing, is the fact that you have become a tyrant! A tyrannical dictator of sorts telling me what I like and forcing me to view things I don’t want to see, but also keeping the things I want to see away from me! I’m over this!! I have been faithful to you, but NO MORE!! Instagram has a new member!! It hurts me to say that Facebook, but until you stop this nonsense of forcing me to like things I don’t actually like, then we can’t hang out. I mean…I will still visit. I will manually like some things, and comment here and there,…but NO more selfies are happening until you get it together. I can’t post them anyway because my camera is still broken but that is beside the point!! Pull it together Facebook!! When you started, you catered to the narcissistic, pretentious type, but now…it’s all about YOU isn’t it!! Well get over it!! Everything is not always about YOU!!
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