Embarrassing moments. You know what I’m talking about. We all have them. At one time or another, you do something that you were hoping no one saw, but you realize that 10 people saw. Yeah… you know, like when your ass cheeks decided they were hungry and wanted to eat your underwear, so they start disappearing into your ass and you try and find a discreet place to pull them out. Or you do the funny walk trying to get them to descend on their own, but usually just make yourself look like an asshole walking around with something in your ass. I don’t know if that’s happened to you…. but it’s happened to me. So, I started thinking about some embarrassing shit that has happened to me, and I figured…. eh…. at this point I have pretty much lost all my dignity and pride so why not share, and maybe you can feel better about your life.
Back around 1992 or so, the guy I like hanging around with (aka husband) he wasn’t at the time though…. anyway, him and I were driving around in this really beat up toyota piece of crap. We came up to a 4 way stop as you do, and started making our way through it. There happened to be a gentleman that looked like he just celebrated his 105th birthday driving the other way through the same 4 way stop… but he didn’t stop! I guess his glasses weren’t working correctly that day. Needless to say, he hit us with his car. It really wasn’t that bad of an accident, but I didn’t have a seat belt on…. (it was the early 90′s and I was still an avid user of aqua net, the seat belt didn’t fit around my hair!)…. so I hit the dashboard. I had a few bruises, but nothing really bad. I had to see a chiropractor though. It was like a 6 month deal, and I had to go every week for adjustments. I will never forget this one particular visit though. It’s one of those visits that you never really forget. Let me set the scene for you. I am waiting on the chiropractic table thing that you have to wait on for the chiropractor guy to come in. He finally makes his way in, and starts doing all these adjustments to my spine. I don’t know if you have ever been adjusted by a chiropractor, but they do a lot of twisting and pulling. He lifted up one of my legs and twisted it, then cracked my spine. Then came the other leg, and while he was twisting my leg over… it happened. I farted!! Right there! It wasn’t just one of those light farts either. It was LOUD and PROUD!! Like it had been hanging around in my intestines and it was finally set free. The worst part about it was that we were pretty much face to face at this point. He just looked at me. I just looked at him. It was like a stare off. Who was going to talk first? Would you like to know what I said?… I’ll tell ya… I said “Well doc, what do you expect when your twisting me all up like that…. Stuff is going to escape!” O.O Yeah… I farted on the chiropractor.
Since I am being open about some embarrassing moments, I have another one for you. Only this happened to the husband and not to me. But to this day…. I laugh my ass off every time I think about it. Our oldest daughter is now 22 but at the time she was barely 1 yrs. old. Some friends invited us to a play, so we said sure… we will check it out. When the play was finally over, we were walking out to the parking lot to our car, and the husband was holding the 1 yr. old. It was dark out at this point but he kept saying “I smell shit!!! I keep smelling shit!” It was so dark out by this time that we couldn’t see anything. So he sets down the 1 yr. old and starts sniffing around because he said it smelled like it was on him.
The husband: “I think I smell shit on my arm?”
He realized at that moment that he had shit on his arm. All over it. And because he was sniffing his arm… the shit was now on his nose.
The husband: “I think there is shit on my nose… fuck there is shit on my nose.”
Me: “Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhaa….*cough *cough…hahahahahahaahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahaha…. You need to go in the bathroom and take care of that “shit!”
The husband: “But I have to walk through all those people to get there.”
Me: “Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahaha hahahhahaha hahhahahahahha….”
So the husband had to walk back into the building and make his way through crowds of people to get to the bathroom and wash the shit off his nose. Hoping no one wants to stop and talk because there is always someone that wants to stop and talk. Good times!! Oh the embarrassing moments in life. I have lots more that I could tell you about but instead I think you should watch this video. I made it for you! PLUS….This right here is my Facebook page, and if you click on the link it will take you directly to it. when you get there, you should hit the like button and then you will have access to an unlimited stream of embarrassing shit. Sometimes just funny shit! So…you should do that after you watch my video…and then I will officially control your mind…..I’m just kidding!